[Miswimmy1]

I wanted to revisit this topic... I used to think that knowing my ts own issues with help me trust her. T1 is very closed about it. T2 on the other hand proceeded to tell me all about her own experiences in therapy. I found it very unprofessional and off putting.

So my question is... Has your t told u about their own therapy or own issues they've dealt with? How did it make u feel?

[content30]

No. I do not know what my T's issues were, but I wish I knew. She did tell me that she went to counseling, had an excellent counselor who walked alongside her and helped set her free, that she became a counselor because of that experience, and that she is so glad that she could walk alongside me and help set me free. She said this after I thanked her, told her how much she helped me, and told her that I wanted to be a counselor. I felt wonderful knowing that my T became a T because she was helped by a T. She is a fantastic T. I do wish I knew more, but I completely understand why she wouldn't tell clients her personal details.

Well, my new T mentioned he had been taking a nap on his couch before I arrived last session (lol) and said something about only sleeping about 4-5 hours a night. So this is when I struggle since I have never had a T self-disclose before and of course I am naturally curious but have usually never asked a T ANYTHING personal and been quite aware of those boundaries. So I said, "Umm, ok, so am I allowed to ask why you sleep so little?" (I think I probably cringed after that.) And he was like, "Oh yeah, of course.." And he said he had some sleep apnea and then was telling me what he had tried so far to help sleep (melatonin, etc) and his reactions...I am a total insomniac and he knows that, so sharing was helpful.
These kinds of conversations have come up before where he makes a statement and then it prompts me to be led to want to ask a question. I need to tell him how I see this happening and that I find it helpful to connect with him this way since no one else ever has done this with me before...and when he reacts in such a cool way to it, I feel more able to open up to him, and safer. But I also need to tell him that since this has never happened before I might stumble and ask the wrong question w/out meaning to and then I want to know, but then it will be tough to really determine boundaries if this does happen in the future.
He has also told me some of his own relationship stories (in general terms) and I felt more "normal" after that...they neutralized my fear that I am the only one who had x or y happen to them. It doesn't bother me that he has his own things and I don't mind knowing them. He is very mind/body oriented and we have talked alot about that. I know he would be someone who would take care of his own needs so I feel okay knowing whatever he wants to share.

[Raging Quiet]

My T is vocal about the issues she doesn't have (which I seem to have she is often saying sorry Rectopathic, this is not an area I specialise in)

No, I know nothing about my T's issues and I trust him not to tell me about them unless it would be therapeutic to do so. I know he has been in therapy because it's mandatory for Ts as part of their training, but it's nothing he has ever mentioned.

[SilverGlitter]

My T has told me about hers because they're similar to mine. She didn't tell me all at once, just over time when it was therapeutically beneficial for her to tell me. And I find it helpful because some of my feelings (both physically and emotionally) are pretty scary at times and I used to freak out and apologise profusely and get even more upset. But knowing that she's been in the same position before and felt the same way and could empathize with me, it helps me not to panic or freak out quite so much when it happens because I know she legitimately understands and can help me through it.

Silverglitter, I can see how that would be useful. I'm glad your T is empathetic and insightful enough to do that.

[MusicMike]

My T has self-disclosed about a few things, always done for a good therapeutic reason, and always respecting that the fact that the focus in the session is own my needs. We even do a few things as friends would--we both like fine fountain pens and have loaned and traded a few. But I always sense he does this to help me see that he is a complete person, and that I don't have to feel bound by rules in therapy. The focus is always on my needs.

[southpole]

Mine discloses a little about why she was in therapy (kind of similar stuff to me but maybe not so extreme, not sure). I am BURSTING with curiosity and wanting to ask her questions about it but I am so worried about crossing boundaries that I never ask, I just keep on talking. Maybe next time she does this I will ask a question. I always worry about crossing her boundaries but I wonder sometimes if I am too vigilant.

[HealingTimes]

Yes i know my T's issues, although i am sure that there are parts of it that i am sure she hasn't shared.

Her issues are very similar to mine, and i find it easier to trust her and rely on her opinion when i know she has been through similar things.

It really helps when i am feeling a certain way (angry, upset, annoyed with my T etc) to know that she has felt the same with her T, and understands what i am feeling.

The fact that she has had a long term ED (and also now long-term recovery) was the reason i decided to see her in the first place. I wouldn't want anyone without personal experience of an ED to be my T, as they just wouldn't be able to get it.
Seeing her in long-term recovery also aids my greatly. I can look at her and KNOW that a full, proper, recovery is possible.

I know a few general things, but no details.

[Moodswing]

T#2 has disclosed a few similiar experiences to mine for a "Yeah, me too" thing-I get it. It truly helps knowing a therapist understands what emotions you are feeling and why. Unlike T#1 who is to medicinal and sterile-only interested in the here and now, does not care about the whys and can't handle my transference.

[anilam]

IDK, I need my T to be OK- so I always imagine him leading a "good enough" life.
I would not go to a T that would have the same/similar experiences I have and struggle with (have a VERY bad experience with one T re this).
Plus when my T tells me about his life it is only factual (and only after I specifically asked about it) never emotional- like he would tell me I have been there and done that; never I felt and thought that. Guess it's his way to do things.

[stopdog]

I know the woman has had therapy. I do not know what her issues are. I cannot imagine how me having detail would be of any assistance to me. I can certainly think of things I think she may need a refresher in or to deal with in the first place.

[anilam]

Here all Ts are required to undergo individual therapy in order to get a license.

I know quite a bit and it helps me a lot to know that my t is a real person, too. She is very careful with timing and what she says, and when she does tell me something, I know it's always to help me move forward.

[photostotake]

Both of my current Ts have disclosed personal information to me when it relates to my current situation. It helps me knowing that they have dealt with something similar in their own lives. Makes them seem less clinical and more believable. More human.

I know what my t's issues are/ were. She is pretty open about her life. Not everyhing i am sure. But i know her pretty well.

I know very little. I think I would find it offputting for a therapist to disclose a lot about their own issues, especially early in the therapy, but I think some disclosure as appropriate can be of help. I don't know that my T would ever tell me much, but as we've gone on and got closer there are things I know she empathises with.

[Asiablue]

exT she self disclosed a little cos it was vaguely similar to my experience, i asked questions about how she dealt with it, how she felt about what happened etc and she answered but it was all generic stuff i didn't ask for details and she didn't offer details. I knew some of her issues just from working with her, like i could see she's a bit of a perfectionist in the workplace.

New T, she's disclosed she had her own therapy for early childhood issues but said no more on the matter and i didn't ask. It remains to be seen how open she will become as we get to know each other better.

It helped me see them as more human and more open, trusting and accepting of me that they felt ok to tell me. It felt like a gift rather than a hindrance.

[Anne2.0]

For me, an important difference would be past versus present issues. Present issues would seem like a boundary violation to me, with maybe some exceptions. I've had some chronic pain (now very much better, maybe close to being healed) for a long time. In the past month or so, T has mentioned that his back has been hurting a time or two. Most recently, it was to explain why he didn't sit on the floor with me. The other time, it was to explain why he asked me to come in an hour later. I don't think it's some kind of mirroring trick. Every once in awhile he'll saying something pretty benign about a recent interaction with his wife or another person, but it doesn't feel like an "issue."

Past issues, though, feel really different to me. He discloses a lot, and him telling me about CSA, depression, difficulty with authority, etc. as it relates to issues that are "over" for him seems very different than him saying, "me too! Just the other day I thought about how ashamed I was!" That would be super creepy and weird. But when he explains how he dealt with something or that he had a parallel experience when he was in therapy 20 years ago or whatever, it's almost like it's not really personal because it's a past issue.

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

I wanted to revisit this topic... I used to think that knowing my ts own issues with help me trust her. T1 is very closed about it. T2 on the other hand proceeded to tell me all about her own experiences in therapy. I found it very unprofessional and off putting.

So my question is... Has your t told u about their own therapy or own issues they've dealt with? How did it make u feel?

No way. Absolutely no way.

That is the first step towards not making therapy about me.

I thought I wanted to know this type of stuff when I started therapy. Some personal T information was helpful, but talking about reasons a T had their own therapy or their own personal struggles? That's a sure fire way to make the sessions less about you and more about them.

The only thing even close to this that I can compare, is that I think I once asked my T if he'd ever had a panic attack. He said something about everyone's anxiety levels are different from each other (so I think basically, "no, I haven't" was his answer). That type of personal information, is fine, but I don't want him to be like "yeah I was sexually abused as a kid or I went through treatment for a substance abuse problem". I asked about the panic attack because if he DIDN'T know, I wanted to use an example of what it was like so he could better understand how I was feeling.

Does any of that make sense

This isn't meant to be a mutual relationship where you share details back and forth like that. It's supposed to be one sided to be in our benefit.

[MusicMike]

I agree that the session always has to feel like it's always about supporting me.

I have a friend who feels a strong need to know everything about her Ts life, in and this case the T discloses almost everything. I think this is a bad T, because I think it is better to explore the reason the client has a need to know. What does that say about the client's past and present issues? That's what therapy is... a chance to understand everything that happens in the light of "what does this mean for the client?" Even though in the case of my friend, that would be very hard for her to tolerate.

I feel very sad for my friend. She is in bad shape and it's obvious to me her T is making it worse. But I don't say anything because she couldn't tolerate it.

[WikidPissah]

XT told me WAY too much about himself. I know that his mother was brilliant, but that he was intimidated by her smarts. I know he did drugs in college that made him go into psychosis for a few years. I know both of his sons are BiPolar, and his wife went thru csa (she's a t too). I also know she smokes a lot and has weight issues. (I couldn't ever respect a t who smokes). He (on more than one occasion) told me that I intimidated him because I was as intelligent as his mother.

How did I handle all of this? Well, he is XT and not T, so there you go. It was TMI.

[ultramar]

My T has disclosed very very little, but over the years, nonetheless, I've gotten a sense of what kind of person he is in some ways/have 'gotten to know him' somewhat, couldn't put into words exactly how, though.

Like someone else said, I like to think of him as having a 'good enough' life, with whatever issues he has, but strong, can take of himself, doesn't bring his issues into the therapy room.

I know I don't want him to disclose about things he has struggled with. I think I'd worry about his issues interfering with the therapy, I'd wonder, 'so how did he deal with that' versus how I do, etc. I might worry about *him* in general and I think very personal information could end up bringing a whole bunch of other questions to my mind, questions I don't want to spend my time thinking about. I don't know, everyone's different, I just know it wouldn't work for me.