Knowing your therapists own issues

For me it is a double edged sword. T lets me know some things, but not others. It helps me to understand when he is not available to me if he is doing his own work. But sometimes when I know what his work is, I feel like we are "in the same bed" so to say. Funny thing is I actually had an OMG dream about that very thing a few nights ago! Something to spend 15 therapy min on next time I see T. :-/

All I know is that mine has been divorced 2 times and is on her 3rd husband. She will always say things like that was how my first husband was and I yada yada yada. Or my second husband treated me that way and I felt yada yada yada. After she mentions one of those she will note how her current husband is not like that, so she can no longer say all men act like that.

I always tell her she got lucky finding her current husband because all the men in my life have treated me badly.

I don't know much about my psychiatrist's life. If I did, therapy would be very confusing and uncomfortable. Sometimes, she reveals herself, without sharing personal details. It is nice to see her human side.

My T occasionally self-discloses in a way that helps me. I know a few things about him, but no details. I also know he has a specific kind of shoulder injury, as I heard it make a weird noise one day. I don't feel he's ever made therapy about him and not me, as he's very careful about what he discloses and how.

Among all these replies, what I really resonate with here is the idea that the therapy session needs to be focused on my needs and what the meaning is to me. So if my therapist discloses something about himself, it's still a way of focusing on my needs and looking at the meaning of this fact to me.

I don't know if he is gay or straight, married or single, has kids, anything about his family, or his background. (Except I know where he did he internship since I have been with him since he first got his license.) I wonder sometimes, and we talk about the meaning of it to me, but I don't want to actually know.

Oh I do know he listens to progressive talk radio because his office radio was tuned to that one time when we turned on his CD player. I am a progressive so that is fine by me. I also know he is a scientific skeptic, but that he had what he referred to as "his more Christian" days. This is also fine by me because I grew up Catholic but eventually became a skeptic, while maintaining my respect for religion and spirituality as valuable things.

-Mike

- Mike

T telling your how they have overcome a similiar problem is supposed to inspire you.....right? Well it brings out a part that makes me feel like....here is one more person I am going to disappoint. Itvfeels great he understand but I can feel like he is thinking, "If I did it you can do it too." Then there is a part of me that feels supported that there is someone in my corner rooting me on. Then there is that part that feels I will be abandoned if I quickly do not show I am moving forward and succeeding in my endeavors.

Moodswing,
You make some good points about why T self-disclosure should be done with caution, to avoid making the whole thing more complicated.

Mike

I do feel privlidged that he feels secure enough to disclose what he had to overcome in life. It is inspiring. It does want me to move forward but I am also still that scared wounded child that never had any support or encouragement to take risks and dream big.

I've been thinking about this some more and I've realised that, when my T has self-disclosed, he's only ever told me facts. Never ever how he felt about it. I think that's an important distinction because it means I've never felt he's giving me his feelings instead of holding mine.

My T tells me everything. I think I might be her venting client at times because she talks about other clients as well as her family and personal life quite a bit. I don't mind it all that much, but sometimes it can get in the way of my thinking after I leave. I definitely feel like I know her inside and out though.

I know my T has or had a therapist, but I know nothing of the issues he has or had. I like it that way. If I know what he's worked on, I think I'd be reluctant to bring up anything similar, in case it would trigger a countertransference reaction.

I'd rather not know.

I asked Madame T what brought her to therapy.

The first time she answered, "I'm not going to tell you."

Later on she did. And yet, it didn't explain anything, reveal anything about her or bring us any closer together.

Once I said to her, "I assume you've suffered." She said, "Yes, I've suffered." That turned out to be more connecting than the previous question.

I think this is an interesting point. My T once said: "Do I feel my wounds? Yes, I do. Do I wish I didn't have them? I'm not sure. I don't wish I was somebody else, though."

Which was more connecting (perfect way to put it) than when he's actually told me things.