[MASIMO]

My T is now officially in Europe and on his month long vacation.
today as prearranged, I see his partner, a MSW. I have seen him
twice before during his vacations. I feel comfortable with him
but trying to step in to my life with him is a strange feeling.
It's not like starting with a new T, it's not like seeing my regular T,
but like jumping into the middle of things with him and expecting us
both to pick the ball and run with it.

I dont want to focus on talking about my T and how sad I'm feeling about
him being gone, but maybe I should begin there. Or perhaps I should put all
that aside, cant do anything about it and take advantage of his perspectives
and possibily new directions. I'm going to see him three times this month.

[Perna]

I think that would feel weird to me too; when my T went away for really long periods of time she offered to have me see another T (a psychiatric nurse) that I had had occasional casual conversations with in the waiting room as she was passing through and we hit it off; T used the nurse's office to see her clients in; the nurse was part of the practice, T was not was just renting the room. I never took her up on seeing the nurse because I thought it would be harder for me making the transitions, when T would get back the nurse would still be there, I'd still have casual conversations with her, etc. but I felt it would be like every thing would have changed and there'd be this chunk of me that was with her and not T because T would have been away, etc.

I applaud you for continuing to care for yourself in this way. Once when T went away I found a wholly different topic that I didn't think was something T could help me with and found a "specialist" T online and corresponded with her (had to do with a specific dream I'd had and my writing; my T was not a writer and this online one was) and that was okay, kind of keeping the two T situations separate in a way. It got a little messy when T got back because I had to terminate the other T which was scary for me.

This could be good for you When my T went away I saw a colleague of hers for a few sessions, and it was actually really helpful. He helped me with some difficulties I was having with the therapeutic relationship, and offered a different perspective. Because he knows my T, I felt he had a better understanding of our relationship dynamic than anyone else besides me and T could have, and it was good to be able to talk about it with a third party.

[MASIMO]

Well I had the session with my T's partner. He really is such a contrast.
He is kind of dry, questions are very basic, he has a common sense approach
and talks about events not my emotions. I spoke mostly the whole time.
He had a couple of things to offer. I am scheduled to see him two more times.
It is comforting to know he is there if I need sometime to talk to.

But Boy what a difference! It makes me realize how special my relationship with my T is.
Its not just the intimacy with my therapist after five years, but how he thinks and how he delivers his thoughts. The dance we do is so intense. He can evoke such powerful
emotions, he can send me into silence as my mind struggles to make sense of my life.
My T is so intelligent and sometimes loses me in translation. He speaks in a way that forces my mind to push itself. He can and does speak very plainly at times, but with me often throws out pretty cerebral stuff for to digest.

I MISS HIM!

[skysblue]

Last year when my T was gone, I asked to see a 'substitute' T. She referred me to a colleague in her office.

Boy, did we not click. I really didn't feel anything from her. I felt like I was a bug under a magnifying glass.

Unfortunately, a few months later, I agreed to see the substitute T again. Bad idea. She was just as ineffective at getting me or connecting with me as before.

I do not think it was only feeling the absence of my own therapist. I really believe the substitute T and I just did not click. I've gone to see my gf's T with her and I really like her and feel a connection. If I had have been able to see that T instead of the substitute T, it would have been nice.

Still, there's nothing like your own therapist. And being with another T DOES bring that message home.