Transference

I'm really trying to get my head around this and I have read loads on it but could someone explain transference to me in the simplest way please? My poor head is racing.

Somebody cuts in front of you driving and you assume it's because they have no respect for you, not because they're lost or some benign reason. The transferential feeling there is that maybe you were bullied as a kid so now you assume this driver is bullying you. That's transference IRL.

In therapy, maybe the t is nice to you, so you assume they're in love with you, because IRL if someone was nice to you, they wanted to get into your pants.

Either situation, you can talk to the other person and find out their true intent, but what is more important is figuring out why YOU react this way, so that a) you don't kill other people on the road and b) so you can be just friends with people without putting your own ideas on them before they even have a chance to say anything. Cuz that's the problem - transference is like a psychological prejudice where you misread another person's intentions. But you're sure you're right.

Thanks Hanky

I know I'm not in love with my pdoc, but she is going away for a month and I always seem to lose my **** when she goes away. Last time she went away for a few days, I left the country on a whim
Anyway, its hard for me to explain other than I wish she actually did care about me and not just because I'm her patient.

Sometimes it can go as far as causing you to think your T is behaving like another person - I keep experiencing my T using tones of voice he doesn't actually use, due to childhood experiences.

Also this may help: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...e-transference

I still go nutso even if there is just a national holiday. I figure it means I should cut down on appointments, I start showing up late - all kinds of acting out. Just like my hokey road rage example. All of a sudden I am doubting myself and doubting t. But if I talk about it when we come back together, I can make some progress.

Yeah, I think that too about cutting down on appts. I've just canceled all mine until she comes back. That'll teach me

Transference is about experiencing another person as if they were someone from the past and expecting they will behave in the same way. For example, I expected my therapist would hurt and abandon me (because that is what happened). That is how we can get in touch with unconscious processes, carried through from our past, that hamper us in the here and now.

It never ceases to amaze me how powerful transference can be. My therapist is the steadiest, kindest and safest person you could ever imagine but there have been times when she has felt like the nastiest, coldest, withholding b***ch ever, to the point that I believed she wanted to kill me. I was experiencing, in a regressive transference, my early life through the relationship with her. It allowed me to access and work through my pain.

It is important you can talk about how the breaks, etc feel - then it is less likely you will need to act out your anger by cancelling appointments, etc. It is about great pain. When we are experiencing transference like this we feel very powerless - because it is about a time when we were - and this drives us to act out (to get back some control). In my worst moments of agony I have wanted vengeance on my therapist - the only way I could be reached was to go and find out she wasn't the person I was seeing her as and that she wasn't deliberately trying to hurt me (it hasn't always been neat ) - this helped me to get hold of the good again and not to be so split - it can be mind f***king stuff. The therapist needs to be able to withstand the rage without retaliating.

Moon

I feel your pain. I am going through transference too. I feel like running away. I want to tell my T asap but i am embarrassed coz it is happening so early in therapy. Rationally I understand what's going on but it is scaring the crap out of me. Good luck with everything! Hope all goes well for you.

Thanks moon

Littleplum, I've been seeing my pdoc for almost four years and I emailed her last night to tell her I *think* I have transference issues. I might make an appt to see her next week before she goes away then I can get that first awkward meeting out of the way and then not have to see her for a month

I made an appt for Tuesday and I WILL NOT CANCEL LIKE A BIG FAT CHICKEN

good luck flooded!

Let us know how it goes!

Don't cancel, Flooded! You can do this.

So it's Monday morning, appt is tomorrow and both my kids are sick...