Couch 53 Bringing it All Back Home

No issue is silly. And I'm treating myself to some fried rice tonight

Thanks, Mapleton!

I cut the front lawn and part of the back lawn...and then just as I was going to cry mayday, my lawnmower ran out of gas. Good opportunity to stop. It would've been nice to finish the entire lawn, but it's just too much for me physically. I do feel accomplished though!

I think I have officially run out of steam.. I have been cleaning, organizing, baking, and throw in a quick 2 1/2 mile bike ride.. I still have work to do, but I am going to call it a night and break out some ice cream and an episode of ER!!

There's something vaguely disturbing me today, but I can't say what.
So I'll give hugs to everybody (you know who you are the non-huggers) and go contemplate this.

Maple...you can always say anything you are thinking. I am extremely opinionated tonight...I got set off by something I read. Just really sick of pedophiles being released and re-offending. We had another one locally just do that very thing.
Anyways...sorry if I offended you. It's personal to me.

I think it mostly comes from fear of adult relationships.
But I'm probably wrong.

ACK. I was cooling down from mowing the lawn and my mind started wandering.....and then a really horrid image came into my mind that stirred up a full blown panic attack. I HATE when I do that!

I used to have that happen a LOT when my daughter was younger (most of my craziness was fear that things would happen to her that were out of my control)....and it somehow stopped. Now, all of sudden, it's happening again.

Same thing with the night terrors...and being stirred up by any sound in the house at night, etc. UGH. T said that it's because of what we've been addressing in T (trauma stuff) that I'm hyper vigilant.

Well, this crud has to stop...because my daughter is going to be out doing some fun things this summer and I can't be a freakin mess like this.

I've seen a news special, where they went to some prison where there were all, or mostly pedophiles. They interviewed several, and to their credit, they were very honest. They do indeed get aroused when they see children. These are the pedophiles that hang out at playgrounds, watching children etc. The thing is, it may indeed be an illness, however, at one point they gave into the desire and it became an addiction. Much like a severe porn addiction (not just people who look at porn) or like a heroine addiction (the person gave into the desire to try it, and now is hooked). There is actually a medication that some of them tried, and it stopped the endorphins that cause arousal and they did much better. In this prison, they can't have any kind of books or magazines because just a photo of a child or description sets them off.

There is another group of pedophiles (like my father) who are not into all children, (just me and power/control over me). That's different, they are not really "addicted" but "sociopaths' or "narcissists". Whole different ballgame with them.

Yeah, my mom would swear on a stack of bibles that she is neither a pedophile nor a lesbian. It's just something about ME that set her off.

This makes me very sad.

Sorry. Not quite sure of the right response. I'm sorry I made you sad. I should have used a trigger warning. I am really sorry.

I just realized that I have 2000 posts now! I'm very disappointed that there were no fireworks.

So, what is it that I can do now?

That's OK. You haven't triggered me.

I missed everyone again. I see my attempt to change the conversation only partly worked.

I'm exhausted tonight. I had so many dreams... even had one about laundry.

hey peeps . love to all

what you all doing up sp late

Hi Granite... lots of people up but not alot of people talking (posting)

You didn't offend me. I'm in a little fragile place, and I am very grateful for the extremely gracious support here. I think that something has changed in my life. I'm very new at real, post admitting-everything-that-I-deal-with therapy and I'm adjusting to it. I think T may have triggered a sense of dread when she was just trying to help by showing me how to be assertive (and wasn't being mean or attacking,) and... IDK.

I'm working on me, right now... And I'm also knowing that I'm obsessing a little about the support here... And I probably post too much (ADD, OCD...click.click.click,) but it feels very good to be open and human to people, and the feedback means so much. However, the more I talk, the more I risk.

You felt strongly and convinced about something thy you have a real gripe with. I'm feeling a newfound empathy for people that have mental conditions, and am working on being more of a person by seeing others as "whole people." you made a very good ultimate point about false equivalence. In some things... A sociopath that preys on the young and makes a clear choice to do so, say , it's hard to show compassion. Mea culpa... and thank you for making me examine something that wouldn't serve me well.

I'm sorry if I triggered anyone or annoyed the couch. The topics were a little more serious today. I'll take a lesson from this and stick to things that I'm sure of. Normally I'm just great at diving in to whatever topic, but maybe not EVERY topic.

Now we return you to your normally scheduled programming
/sits in the corner to listen

Mapleton... I think you've been really good at jumping in on the couch... some people have a hard time. I think you are doing great.

Once you've been around a while you will realize that there are numerous survivors of child abuse of all forms on PC and it is difficult and maybe even impossible for us to put that aside to have an intellectual debate about these topics...

That being said... I think there were other posts that triggered people on the couch today... me included...

(not that I'm trying to speak for everyone on the couch... just speaking from my own observations of people's replies to posts)

Well I'm calling it a night.... since no one wants to come out and play.

Love to all ... Busy busy busy... Can't wait to get back into a groove, miss my couch peeps. 4 more weeks to my new normal

love ya lola

Just hanging out for a few minutes... I was on my way to bed but then my H decided to go to bed so I decided to wait till he's asleep... lately I can't even stand to hear him breath..

Lola... I read your status and thought... Amen... I bet its the most wonderful feeling in the world... to be loved for who you are and not what you could be...

I think you can change the little title under your name. At 3000 you get a secret treat!!

omg they just announced James Gandolfini - tony soprano - died. In italy. Age 51. Effin a.

Wow... he was only a year older than my H.... I loved Tony Soprano...in a weird sort of way.

Hankster... love your wild things avatar...