Couch 53 Bringing it All Back Home

Morning all.

I have never been arrested. I've never even gotten a traffic violation. I am really boring I guess. I've been to court a ton of times as an "expert" witness though, does that count as being "in jail"?.

The death penalty is cruel. No human has a right to take another's life no matter what, as far as I am concerned. I do believe in corporal punishment though...I believe every male pedophile should be castrated. Every female one surgically impaired so that she cannot be aroused.

Morning couch.

Just popping in before heading out to the senior place. Hopefully, I will survive this long day. :-P

Looks like I missed the talk on the death penalty, it's unconstitutioal in my opinion (cruel or unusal punishment).

Well, I need to go get dressed and eat some breakfast before I have to leave in about 20 minutes.

I hope everyone has a decent day. I'll pop back in tonight if I'm not too tired after working 2 jobs today.

Hope you have a good day Squirrel!

I just realized it's Wed. I am at the clinic today. Birds, birds and more birds.

I developed a real dislike of one particular species of bird when I was a wildlife rescuer. The most beautiful bird with the ugliest voice, they cried the whole time, absolutely deafening.

I'm off to bed feeling a bit emotionally "wonky" Night all.

I don't even know anybody who has been arrested, as far as I know. I have a couple of friends who've had to do a month in prison as conscientious objectors, but that's different.

Murray - I'm a bit confused about the anger stuff too. In group T last night, the one member who was threatening and left for a few weeks to have some individual sessions before returning said that what he's learning is that anger is a cover for some other deeper emotion - like shame, humiliation. I was like, hmm...so I mentioned that if anger is merely hiding a deeper emotion, then what's the sense in being angry when I already feel the shame and humiliation. T chimed in quickly to give an answer to that, saying that there are definitely times when anger is needed and healthy, blah blah blah. I'm so confused.

Good morning, couch peeps. I am totally not getting in front of the paparazzi today cuz my eyes are pretty much swollen shut from this migraine. ACK. But the pain is lessening which is good.

Now I just need to decide whether or not I'm going to my mom's dr's appt with her. It's my daughter's first day of summer and she does NOT want to have to go with my mom to her appt. She's picking us up in an hour....and my easiest out is to say no, cuz I have a migraine. But then I feel guilty because she watches my daughter often, especially in the summer when I have to work. So, the least I could do is go to her dr's appt with her. GRRR. Dang guilt.

Chest pain. I hate this, I can't tell if it's heart or anxiety. I would feel really stupid going to the doctor's if it's just anxiety.

(just griping, I'll go to work and see if it eases up with activity)

It's not usually about arousal, Wikid, at least in my experience. It was about power and absolute control.

Ok...then lets remove their hands. I do think tattooing their foreheads would work well too.

I'm the most despicable human being ever.

This has been a public service announcement, no replies required.

LOLZ - Eats shoots and leaves!

Oops sorry mast cross post.

And no offense but I rather doubt it. Maybe your memory or conscience just works better than other folks'.

T and I just talked about this last week. I have tons of anger, but can't express any other emotion. T says that is rather common, anger is often the packaging for something deeper inside. Of course their are moments that it is pure anger.. It was comforting to know that I am actually releasing some kind of emotion, even of means it comes out in anger!

Yes, the realization that you don't have PM's allowed must be terrible! We should cut off your hands!

*pthththth* Yeah, that's a capital offense.
Thank you. (also to hankster)

Okay, seriously, Mast? I have a whole list of things that I want to ask you if you have done, starting with the kind of stuff that Wikid and I were discussing. If you have never abused a child or maliciously killed an animal or something, you cannot be calling yourself the most despicable human being ever. If you HAVE done those things, then okay, I will jump on the bandwagon and castigate you as well.

I*m sorry. It was the wrong thing to say here. I really am sorry.

I'm going to be extra needy andask someone to go read & respond to my most recent post on this thread http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...-sessions.html

I didn't mean to sound harsh such that you feel like you should apologize for saying it. Now I'm sorry. I understand that you might feel that way -- god knows I feel that way about myself sometimes. I was trying to just remind you that it's not a realistic thought. Truly, you are not a bad person at all, period. Sorry if I sounded *****y.

jkbob, I'm going to have trouble responding to much about this situation, frankly. I think you are worrying about the wrong things in your life. Maybe less energy could be invested in this relatively meaningless situation with your T and more energy invested in getting yourself and your children safe. THIS is something I am totally willing to be *****y about.

Go right ahead and be *****y (seriously.) I actually called the cops today and then didn't get the response I wanted (which was I could file a report so someone knew what was going on without there ever being anything done about it and H never finding out) Then decided f it all maybe a cop knocking on the door would scare him enough to grow up. So I went to the police station talked to a cop and he wanted me to fill out and sign a written statement. I asked him what he would do/what would happen if I did. He told me with what I told him and what he saw (my black eye- which is why I'm so pissy today because i'm trying to hide a frickin black eye at work) that he had reason to arrest him.

I told him I didn't want that to happen and left. I don't want H to get arrested. Sorry if you don't agree with that, but I don't. And even though you think it's stupid that I worry about whether my T will be there for me when I need her, it is a real need for me because no one else knows what's going on. If things get really bad or if he leaves or of I leave or if something happens to one of the kids, I need to know that she is going to be there for me. I have no one else because I can't tell this **** to anyone else.

I don't think it's stupid. I do not think your T has given any indication whatsoever that she's not going to be there for you, and the matter of paying or not paying her for a phone call is clearly not really an issue to her.

And I do disagree with your decision. The mere fact that you are talking about "if something happens to one of the kids" while still staying and refusing to do what you need to do to get them safe is insanely upsetting to me. The fact that it is SO upsetting to me means this is at least partly my issue, I get that, and I won't comment again, but I urge you to consider your children's safety above all else. You clearly KNOW that the possibility exists of something bad happening to your children if you stay.

And as for not having anyone else to tell this to, google "domestic violence advocates" and your State name. Or "battered woman's shelter" and your State name. You are not helpless and you do have people you can talk to.

First thing to mention, I suffered not SA (well... kind of,) but physical and emotional abuse. I think that the damage done can last a lifetime so I completely understand what you're saying, and I can't imagine the thinking that justifies SA. I'm sure everyone will say WTF is M saying here?

I think that although my Dad did screw me up some (actually most of my bad memories come from his treatment of Mom,) that everything bad and maladaptive in my life comes from a constellation of autism/ADHD/OCD issues, which comes from a brain structure deficit.

Its becoming very clear that I've been deeply injurious myself for some time. I have been very isolated, and haven't been very sensitive or compassionate to other people. Its becoming clear that I haven't been very kind to myself at all, and when you do that you're rarely kind to others.

When I was in the assessment I admitted that I didn't have anger towards my dad, and said I guess I can start getting angry at him, but the MSW told me I didn't have to do that...

I'm working not only on becoming more of a functional person, but more of a social person too, and I'm discovering I'm pretty sensitive. But I'm working on my compassion and empathy, because that's partially learned, not entirely instinctive.

I feel for the struggle of anyone with a brain disorder, or stuck in a destructive emotional pattern, as part of this, I guess. So I completely understand where you're coming from.. and I'm not sure that I'd change anything, or not treat this as a truly serious criminal matter, but since I've been working on compassion and empathy, I noticed what you said, and just felt like there was something so extreme and absolute about it (like some of the comments on CNN, and the extreme trolls there, and you dont strike me that way normally.) I see that you have a concrete view that those people are inherently bad, and they should be discarded. It makes me kind of sad to think of it. I know that there is an injured life on the other side, and I feel badly for the entire situation. Its just crappy.

I really want the research of the brain to improve so we all understand better how the brain works, and maybe really treat or prevent this, if its a genetic thing.

I don't know if I'll be ostracized for what I just said. I hope not. I'm still trying to figure out how to relate to the world. Its a work in process.

You are all kinds of awesome. Except for the no PM thing