Couch 53 Bringing it All Back Home

Ready...no.
I just don't have the strength right now to do it again. To get a T used to my awkward speech patterns, to somehow let them know my complicated history, then to assure them that Trauma work is not for me, What I need is CBT, and most CBT's get skittish when they hear the extent of trauma. So it's just stupid to even bother at this point. If I find my life totally unmanageable again I will think about it, but not now. Things are just starting to settle into a rhythm for me.

OH...and by the way, get this. The chief doctor at the wildlife center last week mentioned that when I am talking to the animals I talk almost normally. I laughed and said, "yea, maybe I should pretend all people are animals" then she said "have you tried tapping your foot, or keeping a beat when you speak?" I thought that was just weird, but I tried it, and ya know, it does help. Why has NO T ever been able to help me, but this British Doctor Dolittle helps me tremendously with a simple little trick?

People who are into animals are much more in tune with simple, natural solutions to problems and more apt to think "outside the box," I think.

mornig peeps. i have been to a lot of places

Yep, Gm! How everyone finding the day thus far?

Morning Chickie! Morning Maple...

i slept in .i needed sleep. spent most of the day yesterday talking to seinor servises and so on . it was helpful to the mother. but also some what to me because the person i talked to seemed to understand that her living with me was last option and did not make me feel more horrible then i already to. that was nice

Granite, that's good to hear. Senior services in my area were similar when I've spoken to them. They seem to really understand that not everyone can take their mother in.

I've recently found a companion service too, I can have someone come in a couple of times a week, take my mother out or do her laundry or just chat with her. It's helpful for me because I don't have a ton of patience with her, and it's helpful for her because someone without the baggage will treat her as a person and not as their abuser.

No, no Granite. You need to explain that living with you is NOT her "last" option. It is NOT an option period! Protect yourself!

Wiki... did you find your mom senior housing?

Wiki... do you stutter? My nephew stutters (caused by anxiety... I've actually never heard him stutter because he doesn't do it unless anxious) and he got this thing called - Speak Easy. The state division of rehabilitative services paid for it since my nephew dropped out of college due to the stuttering... He no longer stutters when he wears it.

I spoke to my ONE almost normal sibling yesterday...my sister. She lives out of state, and works incessantly. She cares for her elderly MIL too, and a mentally ill adult son. Her precise words to me were "You can't do it by yourself wiki, it's too much to handle". She also said the best viable option was pulling her from my brother's home and setting up services like meals on wheels and so forth. AND my favorite part "wiki, I'm coming in July and I will take her home with me for a few weeks to give you a break. I will try to convince her that the senior apartment is the best option".

Cool. Support, finally...even if it comes from the only sibling that is less able to manage my mother than I.

Ready...yes. It's a problem with my brain though, not all anxiety (although anxiety does make it much worse). The damage is view-able on MRI's. I can speak if I am not listening for a response. If I am listening at the same time I am speaking my central nervous system breaks up. I can give presentations at board meetings and so forth, but the stuttering comes into play in one on one conversations.

thats awsome wiki

Catching up on the couch slowly - have you told your ts this? Maybe cuz my t is a child t, but he has been more open to it than my previous ts. I finally got to the point where I couldn't accept that I would never have it. Who can go on living like that?

My xT says you have to grieve for the things you didn't get in childhood.

the break i mean

I tend to agree with that Ready. We can't climb into a mothers arms and be rocked and nurtured. Nothing will change that. I honestly think letting it go is the best option...but it's SO DAMN HARD! Especially when you have daily reminders.

this is very true. it's like the huge anger i feel even today as i deal with all this crap. it is so hard to seperate and let it go

Yea Granite...I totally get that. It is frustrating that in spite of all the crap they dealt us, we have to take care of them. Grrrrrr.

But, letting it go doesn't mean forgiving them or that they aren't responsible for being stupid neglectful (or worse) parents. It means we are separating from them finally, and shaking of the crud they put on us.

I always think of the day I packed up my crappy 1972 Dodge Dart Swinger and headed towards Providence, never to return to Southie. Do you remember that feeling? When you finally broke free? It was exhilarating. I played the song Freedom by Aretha (THINK) for a full hour straight.

You DON'T! Really, you don't have to take care of them. Trying this idea out has been one of the most hugely freeing things in my life ever. I told my older sister that if my mom gets kicked out by my younger sister (which I expect will happen at some point), that I am NOT helping with her. She's on her own (my mother, I mean). If my older sister chooses to do something for her, that is her decision. I'm done.

Yea, you're right MKAC. There is just no way I can do that. It isn't in me, not my nature. I would spend more time in therapy forgiving myself for that after she dies then I have spent forgiving myself for her neglecting me so badly.

BUT...and this is HUGE...my mother (as evil and narcissistic as she is) didn't torture me to the extent that your's and granite's mother's tortured you.

I've already told my 5 siblings that I promised to take care of my SIL and BIL who are 20 years older than me and have no children of their own...so thats my limit of old people. Someone else will have to deal with my parents. I ignore the fact that my MIL is 85 and alive and well so I probably have another 20 years before I will have to help my SIL and my parents in their 80s will be gone by then....

Its like when my H says we are a one dog family. My son said yeah one at a time is best and H said no one in our life time is best... Thats how I feel about caring for elderly... one set a life time.

ALSO...I did separate myself totally from my father. He didn't walk me down the aisle, pay for my college or wedding...he never even met my children who were well into their teens when he died.