Depending MORE not LESS

My T is encouraging me to depend more on him by contacting before making decisions that I'm unsure of, to get a second opinion or view of the situation.

Part of me thinks this is crazy, part of me is scared, part of me wants to run.

How do you guys deal with your therapist wanting you to depend MORE (vs. less which is often talked about here) ?

My T does the same. He says that I have spent my entire life white knuckling it on my own through difficult situations, and I don't have to do that anymore. He wants me to learn to reach out for help.

I had a therapist who greatly encouraged me to have contact with her more. I loved it, but I do wish that we had established firm boundaries before embarking on that endeavor. because it turned out badly. I suggest making things very clear before going along on this. and be sure to bring up transferance if that becomes an issue.

You might as well call every session a transference discussion, bah.

the way it's working with me is, t moves in closer, I feel more secure, I become more independent. T is still there for me to ask him my goofy insecure questions, but they are becoming easier, less fraught, less stressful, less important, as I start to build up my new life, with his help to do it right this time. Or if not right, then at least better. Do I have a headache? I ignore it on my own, but he gets me ibuprofen in session and looks fora reason and a solution - teaching me to take care of myself, not just ignore me until I am more acceptable. A new rapprochement.

I tried it and it went badly for me with the therapist. Now I sometimes call or write to tell the woman things that I would not tell other, before dealing with them, but she does not respond which is better for me.

My therapist has some pretty clear boundaries but lately I feel like she is encouraging me to depend more on her....for instance she told me that she wants me to take care of something that still exists between my ex and myself, she told me that she wants to handle it for me but she just can't...for ethical reasons. But the fact that she is expressing how much she cares tells me that she wants me to be more dependant upon her...to lean on her,so to speak.

Yeah, my T told me recently - "the rugged individualist thing, that's been well developed. We're not trying to further develop that." She's trying to get me to contact her more often, reach out to her before things get to the crisis point. It's scary and hard and I still agonize over contacting T every time I even think about it. However, I think her message is starting to sink in. I've been having a super rough week, and contacting T early in the week has helped keep things from spiraling in to a crisis.

Part of my problem this week was in reading too much in to an event and letting it push me in to a state of frantic-ness. I thought maybe I might be reacting a bit irrationally, and did contact T for a second opinion. She helped me see a more rational view of events and it helped to settle my emotions a bit. It was scary to contact her, but was a good choice in the end.

It's not an issue of boundaries or transference or T trying to take care of me. It's more that T is trying to show me that I can rely on other people for help, that it's okay to need help sometimes, and that sometimes it helps to get an outside view of a situation to clarify things.

That isn't part of my therapy experience. Infact T sits and gently smiles when I try to get her to make decisions for me. It would feel infantizing. Plus we are imperfect beings. We learn from our mistakes/imperfections. And besides, sometimes there are no right or wrong choices.

I always got a "rebellious" feeling when I t encouraged me to check in or contact more. I hated feeling like I needed that.

On the flip side, if you are continuously putting yourself in danger by making very poor decisions, it can't hurt to check with someone...right? A reality check?

I should explain that T doesn't want to make decisions FOR me, but thinks that being involved in bouncing ideas/questions/issues off of someone else would be helpful (since I don't have anyone to currently do this with).

Mine does this too. I'm very rarely able to react in a positive way, so I am not sure I have any advice.

Do you ever wonder why they are trying to be so kind? I'm not used to this type of behaviour and it always throws me...

Your t sees your weaknesses but u see it as an intrusion on your life.

If u don't feel comfortable with what your T is saying then maybe u should look towards a trusted friend, or family member, for adivse before u make any major decisions.

I honestly don't know what else to say to you.

All the best to u...

"almostthere"