Children

Does your therapist ever talk about their kids, or even somewhat compare you to their kids?

Because mine, like... she doesn't outright compare me to her son. But she always talks about how sensitive I am, and how HE'S really sensitive. And I told her recently that sometimes I do puzzles to calm down even though that's weird, and she told me that it's not weird because her son is the same way. And then she tells me all about him, like stories from when he was a kid and when he was in high school and stuff. She tells stories about herself a lot to help make a point about me and my problems, and lately it's like she's been using her son in all the stories. Like she told me how he had to come to terms with the fact that he's a sensitive person. She was saying that *I* need to come to terms with it. She also told me about how he reacted to getting angry when he was a kid in order to show how one of my friends was being childish. And she told me he does sodoku puzzles to calm down and "keep his sanity" and all this other stuff.

There's something really motherly about her doing this that I find very, very comforting. We live in the same town and her kids went to the same school district and at least one of them did the same extracurricular as me. We talked about teachers the other day and we have the same criticisms of the school district. I just really feel like the fact that I apparently have some things remotely in common with her son + the fact that we live in the same town and her kids went to the same school district and all kinds of other stuff really makes her look at me in a maternal way.

I find that so, so warm and comforting and just good.

Can anyone else relate?

I don't have a T yet, so I can't say it's the same, but I often talk to a former teacher who tells me things about his little son and his family and where he's going on holiday. I agree, it's very warm when someone lets you in on their personal life, as opposed to a colder more professional character.

Comparing you to her son - someone she probably cares about deeply - is a nice thing.

My T has mentioned her son a few times, but almost never in relation to my therapy. More like "my son is home alone this afternoon, so if he texts, I need to answer" or things along those lines.

She has only talked about him once or twice in relation to family dynamics that I was talking about. I made some comment about never having any privacy in my family. T, in an effort to point out how dysfunctional that is, made the comment that she doesn't expect her son to share every detail of his life with her (her son is pre-teen, I think). I told her that her son is lucky! She will very infrequently use her own family dynamics as an example to help me see what normal should have been when I was growing up. It doesn't happen often, though.

The first therapist I ever saw talked about her offspring a lot. They were end of high school/college age then and I was just out of law school so I was just a couple of years older than her oldest. The ones I see now have grown children and they are mentioned every so often. It does not do anything for me one way or the other.

My T does talk about his kids.. He doesn't compare me to his kids though. We have a bit a connection in that area b/c I work at the school that his kids go to, so sometimes before we get to work, we spend some time talking about a recent event, or something like that concerning the school.

My T would compare him and I as we are close in age. I think they do it to make us realize they can relate.

My pdoc and I have kids the same ages so we often talk about them

My T doesn't have kids, but he has talked about other family members or himself to me with much the same goal, I think, as yours had. It felt fine. It has especially been helpful with my aging parents, as T has been through some of the same challenges with his parents. I work at a hospital with patients not too different in age from my own young adult kids, and once in a while I will say something to a patient about one of my children. It always has therapeutic purpose, and response has always seemed positive.

Recently, my daughter had knee surgery and the surgeon was going to have to make a decision during the surgery on which approach to take and what to do. This would occur without his being able to consult with us. He said he would choose a course of action based on what he would do with his own son. That did feel reassuring to us, and we felt like we were in good hands and like he was going to make the best possible decision while operating. So I think there are many ways a provider can "use" their own family in therapeutic ways with clients.

My T compared me with her 3 year old granddaughter once

My T has used her children in one illustrative story and mentioned them a couple other times. In the story situation, she did compare them to me and my half-siblings in a way. My T rarely discloses, though. Also, my T is about ten years older than me. So, her children are young. I have more in common with T/T would be better off using illustrative stories about herself than her children to help me. Again, she rarely discloses, but when she does, it is had been about herself most of the time, her kids or husband very rarely, and never anything about other clients, not even anonymously. She definitely is very careful with disclosure and confidentiality, and I really respect and like that.

My T talks about her kids pretty much every session, to varying degrees. They are really important to her, and I love hearing about them.

She has compared me to her daughter quite a few times, just commenting on ways that we are similar. I like that she does, mostly because it makes me feel like she might understand me a bit more if her daughter and I are alike in personality or temperament. It also makes me really happy to think that if her daughter is like me, she is really lucky to have a mom like my T who will be able to be there for her in ways that I never had.

T talks about his children and grandchildren frequently, but in the context of parenting issues (as his kids are grown and mine aren't too far behind). I've valued his insights into parenting as a therapist and fellow parent who's been in the trenches himself.

My xt had sons the ages of my kids, and he frequently spoke of issues he had with them, mostly mental health issues. It kind of made me less respectful of his parenting skills to hear how messed up his boys were. I would think, "dang, that would not fly in my house".

My old t had kids, which she talked about from time to time. One of the biggest issues we had was transferance, her as a parental figure to me, and me as a comparision to her daughter (who seemed to be quite similar to me- from what i've heard).

new t talks about her kids, but they are younger, so they don't come up as often.

I find it annoying when my T compares her kids to my inner kids (have DID). She will say something like "Even Sally (her child, not real name) has had to learn/do x, y, z." Yeah? Was Sally sexually abused, left by her father, told she was rotten and so on? Oh, Sally has 2 PhD parents, is in every sport imaginable, and your crown and glory. Tell me how that resembles my childhood again??! Yeah it irks me.

Yes I can relate. For me, it feels good when my T talks about her granddaughter from time to time. I love to hear the acceptance, interest, joy, and just things that show she knows her granddaughter so well. I've told her that I love it when she talks about her. I was worried that she might stop, but she still does.

My T would keel over dead before she would tell me if she has children or not. Seriously.

Pam

My T has told me he has kids but not how many or their ages. I wouldn't even know if he has a wife if I hadn't seen her in the local paper.

My T does not tell me anything about his life. I don't know if he has children. I don't want to know either, and for me it would not be helpful to be compared to anybody in T's family, especially not a child.

My T doesnt. ThankGod, he has a daughter, two yrs older than me and we went to the same Uni/department. Dont like to even think of her and him comparing us would be the worst thing ever. I like to think we are equals not a parent child RS...