[SingDanceRunLife]

Lately, I've really been trying to be 100% open and honest with my T because I'm trying to turn my life around, and that requires a lot of work, and a lot of support. So I've been writing to her most weeks, and giving her an organized, cohesive vision of what's been going on with me. This week, I didn't give her the letter. It was just too negative, and I wanted to focus on the positives. But now, next week, I have to face some very big things. T has been gently pushing and nudging me towards them, and I'm finally ready to go there, I think.

So, I have written T 2 things, both 3 pages long, single spaced. Yes, that is how loaded the session is going to be. I'm not really sure where this all will lead, but I'm hoping to the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm finally going to be 100% honest with her about my eating disorder, which is actually a huge thing, but something I've hidden with various shades of grey and not letting the black and white truth come out. It's going to be tough, but you have to start sometime. And I guess now's as good as any.

[content30]

Wow! Good for you! That sounds great, and I'm glad you're ready to go there to cause real change! Best of luck!

[SingDanceRunLife]

Thanks. I was up all night (thanks to hypomania), and now both letters are set to go. I've read them both over a million times trying to make them as complete as possible. I'm afraid of what T will say...but this needs to be done.

[Perna]

If you are in the grip of mania, I'd try to slow myself down (and discuss that)? You don't just have this one session and everything must be discussed then or never Or, would it be possible for you to leave one of the letters at home and discuss it in the next session after, only discussing one thing at a time?

[SingDanceRunLife]

The letters go hand in hand. One is my regular overview letter, and the other is a detailed account of things from the very beginning with the whole ED thing (T has asked when it started, and I had to dig quite deep to figure that out, and at the same time, decided to write down everything I can remember from them on). The bulk of the first letter is ED stuff too with some other things mixed in.

Hopefully by Tuesday, when I see T, I will have slowed down quite a bit since I just saw pdoc and she was like whoa, you are definitely hypomanic let's fix that!

[photostotake]

Good for you! Exposing your ED can be hard! I just did so myself a few months ago and am now in intensive treatment for it. Good luck to you!

[SingDanceRunLife]

Originally Posted by photostotake

Good for you! Exposing your ED can be hard! I just did so myself a few months ago and am now in intensive treatment for it. Good luck to you!

Thank you.

It's very hard, but right now, I really believe that trying to deny it any longer would be just as hard, if not harder. When your T is an ED specialist and the population she serves the most is adolescent girls and young women, all attempts at rationalization and denial are in vain. She knows the truth, even when you hide it and bury it within other things. Might as well talk about it. Maybe even let her help...not that this is something I've felt for long...it's a recent thing, but I'm going with it.

And gl to you in treatment!