[Poppy Princess]

I let my T read a story of mine and she later on told me her analysis of it. She had deduced all kinds of things about me from the story, none of which were true. It sounded like she was trying to be Sherlock Holmes or something.

I told her afterward, "you missed the mark completely."

She seemed disappointed after that. Is it possible to hurt your T's feelings? Is it possible to make your T feel bad? I hope I didn't hurt her or something.

[herethennow]

It is possible.. we're only human. But T should be trained to not let it affect them..

I guess she's trying her best to understand you. It's part of the relationship building. But then I guess we forget that they're not psychic.. they don't know everything so you have to explain it clearly. Hope you're doing well with T.

[Poppy Princess]

Well, I didn't even want her to analyse it. I just wanted her to read it. She seems kind of naive but most therapists seem to be either naive or just mean spirited.

[CantExplain]

It's not good for a therapist to try to be clever.

[TheRealFDeal]

You are not responsible for your T's feelings. They have no place in therapy.

T's have feelings. Theyre just people. I have accidently hurt my t's feelings before. She has hurt,y feelings before. Its just something to work through and talk about.

[Perna]

We cannot know what other people see in us unless they tell us. Your T told you what she saw in your story. Your comment, "you missed the mark, completely" says why you wrote the story, what you saw/felt was not mentioned. However, "why" T seemed disappointed you cannot know unless you ask, "You seem disappointed, are you?" and then, "Why? What disappoints you?".

If I were your T, I'd be disappointed you seem to see my comments as a contest of some sort, a challenge and that your response is "you missed the mark completely" which totally shuts me out. What can I say to try to get a conversation going after that? You have left no room for discussion, no opening for me, no, "That's interesting, I didn't feel any of that, I was thinking/feeling. . ."

The object of therapy isn't to shut the other person down but if we have been shut down in the past, it's hard to learn/remember that, that T is really desirous of having a conversation with us, understanding us, getting to know us. It sounds like your T took something personal to you and told you what she thought and that scared you. But unless you talk about you and what is important to you in therapy, what's left? The weather?

[critterlady]

There is also the possibility that she sees something in your writing that you don't see. That's one of the reasons we go to therapy in the first place - to learn different ways of seeing things.

There's not much "right" or "wrong" in therapy. There are mostly just different perspectives.

[stopdog]

I do not believe the client needs to worry about the therapist or the therapist's feelings. They can take care of themselves.

[Freewilled]

True - we shouldn't worry about the therapist's feelings but I find that it is ingrained in me to do so...part of why I'm in therapy to begin with lol

[mixedup_emotions]

It certainly is possible to hurt a T's feelings. They are human. When my T and I were working on repairing our rupture, he pointed out what occurred that hurt his feelings. It was important for us to discuss it in order to work through it.

Your view of Ts being either naive or mean spirited seems important to address.

[ultramar]

Tangent responding to a couple of posts: I don't think people should have to worry about hurting the therapist's feelings, it's part of their job to deal with this sort of thing, but that doesn't give the patient carte blanche to say or do whatever (this has nothing to do with what the OP did).

I say this, because in as much as the therapy relationship is a kind of 'practice' for IRL relationships, and are meant to help us with IRL relationships, and in IRL relationships it is important to not go too far/not gratuitously hurt feelings, then in this context it may be good practice to be respectful (etc.) in the therapy relationship. *Not* to spare the therapist's feelings, but to help oneself with IRL relationships.

Re the OP's situation, I don't think it's an issue of hurting feelings, in the sense that I think the OP spoke up when she didn't feel heard, and this is a good thing. If the therapist felt 'bad' because of this, I would suspect it was because she felt bad about being off the mark in the first place, not due to not taking criticism well.

I understand why the therapist 'analyzed' the story, looking for clues as to how it reflected on you, simply because she's your therapist. If you had shown it to a friend, I doubt they would have done that.

I have an advanced degree in literature and there are schools of thought that analyze the author via their writings. I think fiction can be very very revealing of the author, though writers are likely often unaware of this, or not as aware as some readers would be.

OP, I think it's great that you spoke up. Were you specific about how what she was saying was off the mark? It might be useful to explore the specific issues she brought up --even if they are not so apparent in your writing, they may be things she has noticed in therapy with you that might be useful to talk about -regardless of the writing itself.

I wonder if you felt disappointed that she tried to analyze it (off the mark or not) in the first place? Did this remind you that she's staying in the role of therapist, rather than reading the story with the eye of someone outside that role?

I am also a literary translator (translate fiction from Spanish to English) and early on gave my therapist a copy of an anthology that was published that I edited and translated. I never asked him and he's never offered opinions on it, but I suspect that, if I asked him, he wouldn't focus on the authors or my translation ability, as much as why I chose the stories I did --in fact, the one thing he said about it was the significance of the subject matter (theme of the anthology) I chose, which is, in fact, significant to me. If my expectation had been to just hear from him that I'm a great translator and/or what interesting stories (I'd want him to feel that way, to be honest, but wouldn't expect him to say it) I suppose I would have been disappointed, but it wasn't my expectation --I feel like much of the therapeutic relationship (and causes of ruptures) are expectations that are not met and/or that don't jive with a therapeutic relationship.