[0w6c379]

Why is it so hard for a T to admit to a mistake? I don't mean a small one, I mean a BIG one. Don't you think it would be advisable to admit to what you've done and apologize rather than risk being reported and risk taking
down other people along with you? My T would rather convince me it's my imagination (sorry not working on that count) or see me have a breakdown rather than admit his wrongdoing and apologize. I ask you this,

Is morality completely lost on an entire generation?

Thanks to all respondents.

[Syra]

This sounds so hard. I had a T that wouldn't admit a mistake either. a BIG one. full of ethical violations and incompetence. As I type that, I imagine that's why she can't admit it. She would never want to be that bad. She was overwhelmed by me and her personal life.

I don't think that justifies it. She still failed in her ethical obligations. I also don't think it's a wise decision, for the T personally or professionally.

I think mental health is a crazy field. There are some really really good professionals. And there are some really bad professionals who do harm. And it's not as easy as I thought to find the good ones. And it's harder than I would have predicted to leave the bad ones.

[WikidPissah]

It's not lost morality. It's more like increased liability. The risk a T takes is huge, licensing boards are quick to penalize a defunct T.

[winter4me]

Liability-wise, it has proved wiser to admit mistakes and directly address them.
People tend to understand a human being who errs and are more forgiving, willing to see the right changes made, much more than they understand or respect a professional who lies to cover their own buttocks. As a nurse, I always (large or small) acknowledge my mistakes, and first to the patient and involved family if possible; it hasn't happened often; but over near 40yrs, I have never been named in a lawsuit, and employers have been far more punitive than those affected (& they have not been pleased, with rare exception, with having the patient know..).but I have always felt that the bottom line is that I work for the patient ultimately, rather than the facility/hospital/organization.

[stopdog]

I don't think therapists are a particularly moral bunch even using a loose definition of moral, and assuming there to be morality in the first place. I don't think as a profession, they think in such a term with respect to what they do for a living. I don't think it based on generational behavior. A good many of them seem to think of themselves as gods or infallible and problems are due to the client and not themselves.

[Syra]

Originally Posted by winter4me

Liability-wise, it has proved wiser to admit mistakes and directly address them.
People tend to understand a human being who errs and are more forgiving, willing to see the right changes made, much more than they understand or respect a professional who lies to cover their own buttocks. As a nurse, I always (large or small) acknowledge my mistakes, and first to the patient and involved family if possible; it hasn't happened often; but over near 40yrs, I have never been named in a lawsuit, and employers have been far more punitive than those affected (& they have not been pleased, with rare exception, with having the patient know..).but I have always felt that the bottom line is that I work for the patient ultimately, rather than the facility/hospital/organization.

That's what I was going to say. The research bears it out.

[~EnlightenMe~]

I agree with winter4me. I trust my T, with all of his humanity. It's not what has been done, as long as good intentions were involved, which is generally the case. It is if the T is willing to take a risk and trust the patient, and work through things with the patient instead of terminating and saying goodbye and kicking them out the door, which could replicate their original trauma. I also think that patients have to own their part in the rupture, and be willing to risk trusting the T. Sometimes the process of unraveling the subconscious can be tricky business for both involved. Those are my thoughts.

[Jungatheart]

I 100% relate! It blows my mind, but it is also quite insightful into their character, huh! And painful.
I am biased, but the question I ask is why is a profession, not a generation, assumed to be moral? That assumption got me into big trouble. Such power.
If you look back on history, many "men of the cloth" (or woman) - religious "moral" leaders have manipulated, molested, and even tortured people in the name of "morality".
Teaching, now there is a profession that is considered, "honorable".....can't we all think of some really bad teachers that we had? The profession, does not a person make.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Michelle25

Why is it so hard for a T to admit to a mistake? I don't mean a small one, I mean a BIG one. Don't you think it would be advisable to admit to what you've done and apologize rather than risk being reported and risk taking
down other people along with you? My T would rather convince me it's my imagination (sorry not working on that count) or see me have a breakdown rather than admit his wrongdoing and apologize. I ask you this,

Is morality completely lost on an entire generation?

Thanks to all respondents.

My rupture with Madame T was over her refusing to admit a mistake. She says it wasn't a mistake. I decided I didn't want a T who would do that on purpose.

[0w6c379]

Thanks to each and every poster. I really needed to have some feedback. I am so upset tonight because I was discussing my case with someone today. My T seems to be quite sure that he will get away with what he's done (my manager too). He's not even concerned if I file a report. He's that confident of himself. All I can do is over how I've been treated.

I think Winter4me is very noble to admit her mistakes considering the kind of profession that she's in. IDK but I think you stand on a higher ground when you can admit your mistakes, explain why you did whatever it was and say you are sorry. Maybe even "VERY SORRY". The person whom you've hurt would at least be able to walk away with something. I find it unconscionable for my T to have done what he did and deny the whole affair. I'm still reeling with no end in sight.

Thanks PC friends.

[TheRealFDeal]

I couldn't agree more that readily apologizing would avoid a lot of litigation and reporting. I find it unfathomable that a "healing" professional would refuse to do such a healing thing (yet know it to be true). I appreciate your position, Winter4me, that you work for the patient and not the facility. That is how all helping professions should think.

[0w6c379]

Originally Posted by TheRealFDeal

I couldn't agree more that readily apologizing would avoid a lot of litigation and reporting. I find it unfathomable that a "healing" professional would refuse to do such a healing thing (yet know it to be true). I appreciate your position, Winter4me, that you work for the patient and not the facility. That is how all helping professions should think.

Thank you TRFD for saying how I feel so perfectly. I don't understand how he could do this to me and yet he does over and over again. Now I'm left with pursuing avenues that may be either costly or just gut wrenching. Every way I look I lose.

[0w6c379]

I'm just here to suffer in this world. That is my legacy.

[~EnlightenMe~]

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[Perna]

Originally Posted by Michelle25

or see me have a breakdown rather than admit his wrongdoing and apologize.

That is giving the T too much power, one they don't have. Fire that T and get another one you prefer if you think this one is not right for you, believes or behaves in a way you do not like.

[lemon80s]

It sounds like you had a pretty bad and serious experience with your T and that he's being a **** about it. That does suck.

Just to chime in on behalf of the good T's - my T keeps admitting her mistakes. Maybe because she knows it works with me, for me to trust her. But when she's gone too fast or used wrong wording, she apologizes. I guess she is comfortable enough in her profession to know she can't be perfect and can only try her best. Obviously these aren't big mistakes, but it makes me trust her more for sure.

[winter4me]

Hugs & hang in there. Do what you need to do to make it better for you.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by Michelle25

Why is it so hard for a T to admit to a mistake?

I don't know if it's any consolation, but not all Ts are like this. Your situation sounds aggravating and painful indeed. I hope your T can step up and do the right thing, but from your description, it sounds like this won't be happening. As consumers, often the only recourse we have is to walk with our feet. There are Ts out there who will admit mistakes, apologize, etc., so you could ditch your current T and look for greener pastures. Take care.

[0w6c379]

Thanks for all opinions.

Sunrise, Lemon and Perna: I don't see myself trusting another T again.

I'm glad that you have all found someone decent.

Have you told us what he did, exactly? If so, I missed it and I'm sorry. From what you have written elsewhere, it sounds like he breached confidentiality, and as you know, that's a serious ethics violation. Have you thought about drafting a complaint to the ethics board and sending it to your T with a statement that THIS is what you sending to the ethics board unless he both apologizes to you and explains what happened?

[tinyrabbit]

Can I ask what the mistake was?

My T has made mistakes before now and has apologised.

[0w6c379]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

Can I ask what the mistake was?

My T has made mistakes before now and has apologised.

Hi TR, Sure you can ask. I didn't want to put it out again because I figured people are sick of hearing me complain. The mistake was that my T told my supv basically all of my personal traumas, as if she could do something to help me (??). Ha. She doesn't even like me but I'm sure she played along to get my info. Then she went and told others where I work about my business. I am a private person so the office gang just ate it up. Word spreads like wildfire where I work. My supv set out to hurt me and it all began with my T's "mistake". I have practically begged him to admit it to me but he won't. Even tried to make me believe that I imagined it. He thinks I am stupid I suppose. This is the worst humiliation for me. To have my former friends and colleagues be told my personal information, which may have been embellished too for all I know. This is on top of the numerous issues I went to T for in the first place. I am dealing with so much and now I have the betrayal of my T, my supv and the embarrassment of colleagues to boot. I don't know if upper mgmt. is aware of what she's done or not at the office. I am a rat in a box with no end in sight to my suffering. If my T would admit to me what he's done I think it would help me to talk about it with him. His ego must be over the top as he will not approach it with me. I am on the verge of reporting him and/or losing it.

Well, you asked.

[tinyrabbit]

I'm not sick of hearing you complain - the thought never crossed my mind. I think you should post as much as you like!

With that out of the way, I'm not sure I've quite understood right, so can I just check a couple of things. You're saying your supervisor knows some personal things about you, and you believe the information came from your T, is that right? How and when do you think your T talked to your supervisor? What gave you reason to believe this was the case?

I'm sorry if I sound like I'm doubting you, I just want to make sure I've understood right. Are you absolutely sure your T told your supv this info or do you just suspect it? It would be a huge ethical violation and I don't understand why your T would do that, so I do think it's worth establishing if you're sure?

[0w6c379]

Thanks for your post TR. Unfortunately, I cannot give further details or I will compromise my case. It's o.k. if you doubt me. I know the truth and, they know what they've done, that's all that matters. They will have to live with it if they have a conscience (not sure about that). I appreciate your concern.

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

I'm not sick of hearing you complain - the thought never crossed my mind. I think you should post as much as you like!

With that out of the way, I'm not sure I've quite understood right, so can I just check a couple of things. You're saying your supervisor knows some personal things about you, and you believe the information came from your T, is that right? How and when do you think your T talked to your supervisor? What gave you reason to believe this was the case?

I'm sorry if I sound like I'm doubting you, I just want to make sure I've understood right. Are you absolutely sure your T told your supv this info or do you just suspect it? It would be a huge ethical violation and I don't understand why your T would do that, so I do think it's worth establishing if you're sure?

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by Michelle25

Thanks for your post TR. Unfortunately, I cannot give further details or I will compromise my case. It's o.k. if you doubt me. I know the truth and, they know what they've done, that's all that matters. They will have to live with it if they have a conscience (not sure about that). I appreciate your concern.

So you can't explain anything about why you believe your T breached confidentiality? You can't explain why you think your supervisor got this information from your T? You're absolutely sure, but you can't even give us a vague clue because it would compromise your case?

I hope, for your sake, that you have some actual tangible proof. Is it at all possible you're being paranoid?