"T, this is how I felt after the session"

I thought tigergirl's thread was excellent, and it inspired me to do a separate one about feelings after a session. Feelings come up for me as soon as I leave, and later that day and night. It's hard to sit with them, so maybe this thread will help others too.

Feelings after yesteday:

T, I feel yukky. I wish I could redo the session. I feel disconnected from you, and a little lost. I feel sad, and already separate from you. I feel like I failed you. I feel hurt that you disagreed with me about emailing. I feel despondent because the end of therapy will be here before I know it. I feel powerless but I know you're right. I have to do things to change the situation at home.

Hugs for you, Rainbow. It is hard to have yucky feelings after a session. Let's hope you can talk about this next time and feel better.

I'm sorry rainbow I often have meaningless sessions to me because its hard emotional sessions which I want to avoid anyway it gets harder because I only see her twice a month due to insurance

Would you like to talk more about what 'failing' your therapist means?

Thanks for the replies but I really meant this to be a thread for anyone to post "to" their T about how they felt after their session. I'll still answer but I feel like it's hijacking. Maybe this thread is redundant and tigergirl's is enough. If so, that's okay too.

Thanks for the reply, Melody. I really like that coffee cup! I'll have to talk to my T about feeling disconnected to her. I know she won't want me to feel that way for the rest of my therapy.

I'm sorry, sweepy. Seeing your t only twice a month is hard. I may be doing that in the future, too.

I know she'd like me to do more of the SE and I'm not sure what happened. I'm the one who failed, not her. I talked about a lot of issues but I brought up the email again, and that wasn't wise. I could have made better use of the session. So it's not really that I "failed my T"; I didn't use my session wisely and I feel sad about that.

She also made suggestions about the clutter in my house and I told her they wouldn't work. I think I frustrated her because we didn't do much productive work. I spent time talking about my feelings about her, too. I didn't feel them, so that was unusual. She thinks the SE is what will help me the most. It just seems like a crappy session.

Thanks rainbow--What you are trying to do is so hard. Any thoughts as to your plans after Dec? Life after T? Sorry if this is an overwhelming question.

T, I am still pissed at you for being a tool bag. I don't care if its for a higher purpose. There are some things you have not earned the right to say.

Sorry your session did not go as planned, rainbow I can SO relate because I usually want a do-over pretty much every time!
But tonight I don't want a do-over for once, thankfully.

Feelings after tonight's session:

I feel relieved because I somehow was able to break through a piece of my resistance that probably had been holding me back. I finally feel more hopeful, for once, that *maybe* I'm not going to end up failing like I always do. I feel happy because I didn't have to be "perfect" and somehow that was still ok and I was "good enough" instead

I MAY be able to see her until the end of February, depending on whether my deductible is met by seeing other drs. I'm not sure. But there is an ending in sight, unless I win the lottery!! Always a chance!

I will have to "live life" as my T tells me to do. I'll do more yoga, maybe take an art class, find some kind of group, maybe even work part-time, or volunteer more, as I do now. What I'm worried about is challenges that may come up because my H and I getting older. It's scary! If I need a T, I want "mine", not someone new. I can't take the chance of seeing someone new again. Ideally, I will be able to handle transference by then, and all the SE I'm planning to do, will work! I have to make the most of the months I have left, and not "waste" sessions like I did this week.