[ruda121]

I was seeing a therapist for about 4 months (January-May of this year). Throughout my time with her, I became increasingly frustrated by things she said, and felt that she didn't approach my problems in an appropriate way. One of my biggest issues with her was that she constantly used self-disclosure and I realized that she responded to things I said based on a filter of her own personal experience that may have slightly related to what I was saying. Early in May, I left her a voicemail saying that I was going to "take a break" from therapy due to "financial concerns" (which was partially true, but I did use it as an excuse).

In the meantime, I have been searching for a new therapist but waiting until September to start up since my financial situation will be more stable then.

About two weeks ago, I had a situation with a family member that led me to frantically call the old therapist and schedule an emergency appointment with this family member. I thought, well maybe she didn't work out for me as a personal therapist but in a family therapy situation maybe she'll be better. That didn't turn out to be the case and I didn't find her to be helpful, nor did she respect the goals that I had for the session. She seemed to be on her own agenda. After the session, she emailed me saying that she wanted to touch base before the next session. I have already decided that I don't want there to be a next session, so my question is this: should I tell her why? Should I tell her why I left her in the first place back in May? Should I use the financial excuse again? Or should I just not say anything? I have no idea what the generally accepted thing to do in this situation is, so I would very much appreciate opinions.

I've not been in your situation but perhaps you can just say that you and the family member discussed it and you don't think that pursuing counseling for this issue at this time is helpful...or is what you want...

[scorpiosis37]

I would be honest but polite. I would tell her the reason(s) why you do not want to continue therapy with her. That information may give her something to think about and help her become a better T. Just do it kindly without "attacking" her. Tell her you just wanted to be honest.

[Miswimmy1]

I think she would appreciate being told nicely why she wasn't a good fit. I can pretty much assure u that's its going to be very hard to hurt her feelings- she probably heard it all. I think constructive critique can be helpful in her making herself a better therapist. And I'm sure she will understand because not every therapist and client are a good match.

[stopdog]

I don't think it will matter to the therapist. Would you feel better if you told her?

Originally Posted by ruda121

I was seeing a therapist for about 4 months (January-May of this year). Throughout my time with her, I became increasingly frustrated by things she said, and felt that she didn't approach my problems in an appropriate way. One of my biggest issues with her was that she constantly used self-disclosure and I realized that she responded to things I said based on a filter of her own personal experience that may have slightly related to what I was saying. Early in May, I left her a voicemail saying that I was going to "take a break" from therapy due to "financial concerns" (which was partially true, but I did use it as an excuse).

Not sure if this will help but I have a couple of anecdotes about this.

I did almost exactly this with my first therapist in the early 2000s. The main reason I left was different from yours but had to do with trust and my inability to talk to her; financial considerations were a side issue but I told her voicemail that that was the only reason. I never gave her the main reason. She tried to reach me to book a closing session but I just avoided her calls. I've been feeling a bit bad about that since.

Come to think of it, I never told my most recent exT the actual reason why I finished therapy with her, a little over a year ago - but at least with her I told her in session that I wanted to quit and we had a couple of wrapping-up sessions. I have not felt particularly bad about not giving her the details, though. After all, I stopped going there because I couldn't talk to her.

A friend of mine saw a T for ten sessions this winter before terminating, and told the T exactly why he left, in the final session. And that was apparently not a good experience at all - the T got very defensive and pretty much invalidated my friend's statements about how he felt about the whole therapy experience.

So I think that if you feel that you should tell your T for the sake of your own peace of mind, it's a good idea to do so, but I don't believe you need to feel any obligation towards the therapist to tell her.

I hope your family member will be okay.

[Perna]

I would not bother; it does not sound like she "hears" you well and it is not your job to educate her. I would just say you have decided not to pursue therapy any more at this time and maybe you will be in touch in the future. I'd just keep to the business side of it, not the personal. If you did not want to see a lawyer or accountant anymore you wouldn't bother telling them you thought they were a lousy lawyer/accountant?

I'd just move on unless I planned on continuing to see her. Take care of you.

[lostconfusedhopeles]

You dont have to tell her. I didnt tell my old T why i left her and started going somewhere else.

Originally Posted by ruda121

I was seeing a therapist for about 4 months (January-May of this year). Throughout my time with her, I became increasingly frustrated by things she said, and felt that she didn't approach my problems in an appropriate way. One of my biggest issues with her was that she constantly used self-disclosure and I realized that she responded to things I said based on a filter of her own personal experience that may have slightly related to what I was saying. Early in May, I left her a voicemail saying that I was going to "take a break" from therapy due to "financial concerns" (which was partially true, but I did use it as an excuse).

In the meantime, I have been searching for a new therapist but waiting until September to start up since my financial situation will be more stable then.

About two weeks ago, I had a situation with a family member that led me to frantically call the old therapist and schedule an emergency appointment with this family member. I thought, well maybe she didn't work out for me as a personal therapist but in a family therapy situation maybe she'll be better. That didn't turn out to be the case and I didn't find her to be helpful, nor did she respect the goals that I had for the session. She seemed to be on her own agenda. After the session, she emailed me saying that she wanted to touch base before the next session. I have already decided that I don't want there to be a next session, so my question is this: should I tell her why? Should I tell her why I left her in the first place back in May? Should I use the financial excuse again? Or should I just not say anything? I have no idea what the generally accepted thing to do in this situation is, so I would very much appreciate opinions.

It is okay to tell her the truth, saying that you feel as if it isn't working having her for a therapist. The purpose of going to therapy is to benefit you. She has probably had clients tell her that they needed to connect differently. I have had several therapist and they are professionals who are aware that sometimes they are a good fit and sometimes they are not. Same with Pdocs, It comes down to what do you think and feel will help you progress.only my personal opinion from experience.
warm thoughts

[wotchermuggle]

No one can change unless someone else tells them that something their doing is off base or wrong.

For my own conscious, I would email or call and say that I'm not going to be continue with therapy as I don't feel that the relationship is a good fit for me, but that I appreciate that she tried to help me and wish her a happy summer.

I have never terminated with a T like this, but I did interview a few T's at once and then called the ones I wasn't going to go with. I feel better letting them know so they aren't left wondering and I found that being professional like that leaves the door open if something ever happened and I needed to see someone other than my T.