.
recall i asked if the age difference between T and client made a difference in how the T treats the client.
almost everyone sort-of responded regarding transference, which makes sense.

but, what i was asking was not about transference, but about actual behaviors of the T.

for example, my old T was much much much older than me. my life was really ****ed up when i grew up.... and like on my birthdays T would have a little party and we would share cake and T would give me a little present. another thing T did was to bring me back a souvenir whenever T went some where..

we always talked about it, sometimes alot, sometimes a little.

... I often wonder if I was closer to T's age if those behaviors never would have happened.

See? Without the transference issues, does age matter?

[scorpiosis37]

I don't know if you can entirely separate a client's transference from the way the T behaves towards the client. I think the T's behaviors are likely guided (consciously or unconsciously) by the client's transference. Particularly if a T is good at being attuned to a client, the T would behave in a way that would encourage the client to open up, feel validated, and develop a secure attachment.

I will, however, try to answer your initial question specifically about T's behaviors. I think (actually, I know) my T does some things with me that she does not do with other clients, which she says are based both on my needs and her level of comfort of with me. For instance, she gives me hugs, she sits next to me on the couch, and she will put a hand on my shoulder or on my knee. I think that feels more comfortable to her because I'm a woman who is 20 years younger than her. Would she do that with a man who was her own age? Probably not. But I still think her behavior is partially motivated by my maternal transference for her, and the fact that I find it helpful in building a secure attachment and no longer feeling the "maternal void" which is why I sought therapy.

Something that is a more unconscious behavior is the way T will compliment me on something I'm wearing and reach over and touch it (an earring, the fabric of my dress, etc). Would she reach over and touch a male client's clothing? Or the clothing of a client who was older than her? Maybe not. That probably feels more comfortable with someone like me, who's much younger.

My T will also give me recommendations; she recommended a beach club, an eye doctor, a kid's toy store (for the little girl I mentor), a restaurant, and a bike shop. I think the fact that I am younger plays into that, at least to some extent. She feels like she has recommendations/wisdom to impart to me. She has found places/professionals that she likes, so she will tell me about them if she thinks I would like them, too.

[nessaea]

I think it really depends on the T, and the client. I think the potential is there, but, as always, different Ts are more likely to do it than others.

The only experience I can actually say for certain that I have noticed this is in group therapy (because I don't think we can tell objectively unless we see a T with more than one client.) In group therapy, I am the youngest person in the group by far, and my T definitely treats me differently than the others. I mean, she does treat us all a little differently, but it is very noticeable with me.

One of the most obvious things is that she often calls me "dear" or "love" in the group, but always addresses everyone else by their first name. She also spends most of her time listening to the others when they speak, and only interjecting little bits of advice or guidance, but spends much more time talking to me, offering more of her opinion and expertise. She also makes a point almost every session to ask me how I am, when she doesn't do that for the others, but that could also be because I am much more quiet than they are and less likely to take up time unless I am asked.

Is that the kind of stuff you were asking about?

[stopdog]

I think it is possible for age to matter, but I still think it is more what the client expects or responds to rather than a general everyone of an age is treated in certain way by a therapist. I have seen a therapist who was 40 years older than I was and there were no signs that I saw that showed she was doing something at me because of age.

[tinyrabbit]

Well, my T is 52 or 53 and he often talks about 70s music... Otherwise, I'm not sure it makes much difference.

[content30]

I think the personality and style/therapy type choices of the T are more likely to affect behavior than age. My last T and current T are both 10 years older than I. They are very different. My last T was very apathetic seeming and blah. She never laughed, was never emotional, never went above and beyond, just kind of listened, and really did not challenge me, etc. My current T is far more animated, once drove me to a neighboring coffee shop and bought me coffee when she was late, called me on the general line when I was inpatient, is very expressive with her emotions, challenges me, and is just very bubbly and genuine. I just think she approaches therapy and life differently. Again, they are the same age, current and last therapist. So, in my opinion, the age is not the biggest determining factor in the behavior and actions of the T.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Stringcheese

like on my birthdays T would have a little party and we would share cake and T would give me a little present. another thing T did was to bring me back a souvenir whenever T went some where

. . .which you did not get when you were a child, from your parent(s). That's transference and, perhaps, counter-transference (T feeling about you as if you were their child; they can give you things they may not have been able to give their own child or that they know their own child enjoyed).

Age and gender can make some transferences a lot quicker and more likely. A female T can trigger mother transference, a male can trigger father issues, etc. Transference is just not seeing the other person clearly for themselves; the male T has an expression that reminds you of a boss you had or the female T says things like a teacher you once had, etc. But, the male T can treat you in ways that reminds you of your mother, too or the female can seem harsh like your father.

The age, gender, and behavior of others all go through our own filters. Your boss can unconsciously remind you of your therapist What we would like from them and how we think of them doesn't necessarily have anything to do with them and their differences, especially when it comes to Ts because we don't ever truly know them as well as we might our friends, family, and acquaintances.

[pbutton]

My T is closer to my dad's age than he is my age. He does not treat me in a paternal manner.

My T in college was probably more paternal. He was a university therapist, so he could have been the father of any of his clients. Really wasn't a transference thing on my part, but he was certainly more paternalistically protective than my T's have been as an adult. He stepped in a couple of times in lieu of any nearby parent when my safety was in question.

My current T is more in my age range, so we relate well as professionals and as parents.