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#1
Jul 23, 2013, 12:00 AM
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I confessed to my T how much I wished that she could be my mother, or at least more than just my therapist. All sorts of shutting down I have been doing since then! I resent her and feel angry at her for not being able to be more to me than just a therapist. I want to die at moments because I feel so frustrated with my perpetual need for a mom.
Any coping tools or suggestions for this? I am in my early 30's and she is old enough to be my mom. She is the first therapist I have gone this deep with, and I am feeling vulnerable and miserable and alone. When I left her office today, she had a client there and I was fuming over this. Major jealousy. I was pissed about this. I saw, very briefly, how she interacted with the client and I was ready to die. Pretty sure I was green all over. |
 BashfulBear, FeelTheBurn, harvest moon, struggling2, tinyrabbit
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 growlycat
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#2
Jul 23, 2013, 03:50 AM
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I have nothing to offer you but hugs. I know just what it is like.
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| BashfulBear
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#3
Jul 23, 2013, 04:30 AM
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It feels horrible, i can totally empathise. What i have found helps relieve some of the intense emotions is acceptance of where you are right now. Accepting that it's a normal and fairly common thing to experience. Try to be kind with yourself for having these needs that obviously weren't fulfilled in childhood. It also helped me to read A LOT about adult attachment, attachment theory, the therapeutic process and just talking bout it to people on here who are going thru the same thing. Also i try to "mother" myself, i try to override the negative punishing or shaming voice inside and replace it with a more gentle tone.
None of that takes away the yearning for a "good enough" mothering experience unfortunately, but it does alleviate the pressure. Your therapist's ability to cope with these transferences and strong feelings and attachment issues will be paramount to your recovery and a big part of the work will be grief work and acceptance- extremely difficult. But it is very important that you have or find a therapist who is very good at this work.
__________________
INFP Introvert(67%) iNtuitive(50%) iNtuitive Feeling(75%) Perceiving(44)% |
| Ain'tNoCrazyHere, Freewilled, struggling2, tinyrabbit
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#4
Jul 23, 2013, 09:51 AM
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I could have almost written your post. It's ok to want a T to be a mothering figure. My therapist refers to her own last therapist as her "good enough mother." which I find so reassuring.
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| Ain'tNoCrazyHere
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#5
Jul 23, 2013, 11:25 AM
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What Asia said.
I wish my T was my dad... |
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#6
Jul 23, 2013, 11:33 AM
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ohhhhhhhh
to you!! i can so relate and it is SO SO hard and painful. i know it doesnt help to hear it, but it is normal and it happens. I agree with EVERYTHING asiablue said above. Try to accept that 1.) you feel that way and 2.) try to accept what she CAN give. And it is very very important that you T can handle these feelings and work with them and realize how important it is to work through them. SO MUCH of my therapy has been focused around these feelings. Hang in there....its gets better and easier i PROMISE!
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| FeelTheBurn
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#7
Jul 23, 2013, 06:54 PM
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You guys are all awesome! More later! For now, thank you!
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
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