Getting back to things in T.

I know perhaps everyone has opened up a topic in T and discussed it then the session ends and you don't feel the topic was resolved but the next session something more important takes precedence and you never get back to things you'd like to tie up.
Has anyone had a catch-up session or series of sessions where they have resolved these things? I think my T has given me a false sense of security in saying that he will be there to discuss these things when I need to come back them. I feel some things are eating away at the back of mind and I need to clear them up. Plus at the moment I feel a sense of urgency from my T to get working on certain issues as my life totally sucks at the moment and I'm just sitting here idling and making the motions of living. I hope this makes sense as my life seems stuck at the moment and my poor T is doing his best by offering me things in the hope it helps.

Well I write my topics down and I put question marks next to them so I know to come back to them an the ones I'm sure we r done with are crossed off there are very few of those maybe one or two new things come up all the time but I know I can always go back to th question marked ones

I am terrible at bringing things up again. For some reason I feel embarrassed that I need to continue to talk about the same thing.

My T and I have discussed the point pbutton brings up -- I find it humiliating that I have to KEEP talking about the same thing. Once I have mentioned something once, I tend to never bring it up again. He assures me that repetition in therapy is totally necessary, and has asked me if it is okay for him to bring up subjects again. I said it was. He will on occasion try to bring up subjects, particularly those he knows I will avoid whenever possible. I know I need to address these things, but cannot manage to force myself to bring up the topic.

Perhaps it would be helpful to just say to your T that you need help getting back to certain topics again. Or that you feel uncomfortable bringing up a topic the second time.

For me, often things that have been left unresolved and in the background will get resolved when something else is resolved; it seemed to me that a lot of things were all connected with a lot of other things so it didn't matter what piece of the puzzle I worked on at any given session, other pieces would obviously connect or it would connect to others, etc.

my t seems to be the king of saying we will have to talk about that again sometime and never getting around to it. it really frustrates me because we have so many things we are supposed to talk about that we never do. but I am doing well so I figure he must know what he is doing so I don't question his methods.

I re-initiate things all the time. I seriously do not see how telling the therapist about something one time can be considered resolving anything.

I am going to start making a list of things to come back to with the 2nd T I am seeing...it's often stories he is going to tell that relate to my situation, and since we are doing, as he puts it some kind of "relational-psychodynamic" therapy, I think I end up missing out on things that could really be helpful.

I used to be crazy-OCD with my ex-T (this was before my depression so I was a lot more motivated to focus on those tendencies; now I am too exhausted), and I would literalyt type up an itinerary of "Things We Never Get To"...that was literally the title. Often they were questions I had and sometimes to try and catch up, ex-T would answer them outside of session in written form and we would go over them in session. This was often useful, but we were doing straight psychodynamic work, so it might depend on where your focus is.

recently T shocked me a bit by saying, at the hour's end, in an oh so casual voice, maybe next time we can talk about "___________ " that you once said ...

The next week I came in with a lot of things to talk about and didn't get a space for that till the end and just touched it; she does want to go into it. I have a feeling it will be this upcoming time.
and YIKES.

I don't mind going into the same things several times; but it makes me feel guilty and ashamed when SHE brings things back. Still a problem, SAWE, needs more work - the unspoken message I receive.

Of course, in this case she's right. And it's not small.

Yeah I know what you mean. It happens to me fairly often that a session ends at a very unsatisfying place where I feel like we're just getting somewhere interesting and then the next week I'm either not in the mood or I forget exactly what part of the topic was interesting or just feel like something else is more urgent.
I also feel like "we'll need to talk some more about this" gives me a false sense of security especially because T isn't often directive about what we talk about and sometimes I have a hard time bringing things up again. Sometimes she forgets details that I wish she'd remember and I feel upset that she's forgotten. On the other hand, this minimizes the feeling of embarrassment in having to talk about the same thing over and over!
Seriously though, I don't see how anyone could get anything done by just talking about an issue once. If something is a serious issue for you, you just need to keep revisiting it... until eventually you don't. At least for a while. I've found that there are things I just need to refer to from time to time now. But for a while they were all I could talk about.

Hey MKAC, are or were you a really diligent student or otherwise high-achieving type? Do you feel like if you were "better" at therapy you'd have just gotten it on the first shot? Do you worry about sounding crazy perseverating on the same topic or that it's your job to keep your T engaged and he will just get bored of you if you can't keep providing fresh material? Or is the topic itself humiliating for you?
I bet there's something worth exploring behind the feeling that it's humiliating to have to keep talking about the same thing!

I think MKAC's T is absolutely right about the need to revisit. Not just because one time isn't enough processing (and it isn't), but also because each time we retell something, it's slightly different. It may be a difference in emphasis, a difference in "fact," a difference in the felt sense, or an additional detail not available to you before.

There was one particular memory that kept coming up for me for many reasons. We'd talked it through at least 5 times over the years, yet it came back again closer to the end of therapy. My T prodded me a bit by asking detail questions that were highly emotional (like, "Can you show me where the bruises were?") As I retold it, I found myself including a detail I'd never said before--something very hurtful that my father had said. I wasn't concealing it before; I wasn't aware of it in the prior retellings. It was important and opened a whole new avenue to explore.

So does what those people refer to as "processing" mean simply telling it to them or is it something else? and if "process" means say it aloud to a therapist - then why don't they just say so? Because I think the term process means more and that it would take longer than once makes sense, if they just mean speak it aloud to the therapist, then the repetition is annoying.

I was a very good student and only on a couple of occasions needed to have things repeated to me in order to understand. I was pretty severely beaten when I needed instructions repeated at home, so I learned to pay attention and think quickly. Calculus and chemistry in college, and not understanding things the first time sent me into a full blown meltdown several times. In addition to hating to repeat myself, I hate having to have my T repeat himself to me. I should have gotten it the first time. Also, I find these topics humiliating in the first place so saying the same horrible thing twice is, well, horrible.

For me they are different things; it's true. I should be able to say it out loud to him, talk about it, think about it on my own (the processing part), and then be done. Not being able to be through it or done with it the first time is upsetting and annoying.

I think telling it is only part of processing--but a really important part, at least in trauma work. And each time we tell, it's a different experience because of the way memory and emotion and situation interrelate. Plus there's the effect of hearing ourselves, which changes each time. Allowing our Ts to witness this evolution can be the basis for more helpful responses.

ETA: And yes, it is humiliating and painful, as well as cathartic and empowering.

A more helpful response from the therapist or from the client?
Quite baffling to think of the therapist as having helpful responses, but I assume you are serious about how it happened for you.

I was thinking T, but I suppose it should be both.

But, I do view the basis of therapy as relationship; without that, I'd be baffled about how any of it could work.

MKAC I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hope therapy provides you with a relationship where you get to be loved and cared for even if you don't get it "right" the first time. I'm trying to learn to be forgiving of and patient with myself too. I actually find it harder to do that than to revisit painful memories.
Maybe imagine that you're rehearsing a play. You've learned the lines very quickly--you're good like that. But it takes awhile to get the expressions and inflection and timing. At each rehearsal you get to know the character you're playing a bit better. Understanding your role is more than just knowing your lines right?

First thanks for all your replies. I think my reluctance at bringing things up again is because of lack of response from my T. We were working on some pretty big things and I'd come in with something important to me but my T would acknowledge how difficult the situation was but wouldn't ask anymore about it and keep working on previous stuff, so I naturally thought the problem was just me being a sensationalist and really wasn't important at all.
Now I've got all these things to say he'll think I'm trying derail our current work.

If it's possible he thinks these are distractions from the deeper work, you need to ask him to know for sure. Because then, either he's right and this is a pattern that is preventing you from progressing, or he's wrong and not attuned to you. You both need to know which it is.