[whenwillitend]

I was abandoned by my t of many years when I needed her the most. I've been bounced around from t to t, nobody really doing anything. It's like just talking about the weather, and then see you next week. Every time I think I found a good t, and I start trusting that t, they drop me like a hot potato.

My current t, she started out talking about trauma work and all that, and how she was surprised that nobody has ever done anything to actually help. Now, a couple of weeks ago, she started asking things like "Is this beneficial for you? How? Do you want to continue coming here? I won't be offended if not." Stuff like that. Like "Go away already, I don't know what to do with you and I don't want to see you anymore". Every time she did that. Also, after every appointment she'd ask me if I wanted to make another one, and if I wanted to go one or two weeks.
I have been told by prior ts that I need more intense therapy, at least twice a week.
But still, no one has done anything to actually help.
So now the last couple of times my t has asked me what I want to do (therapy wise), you know, how I want to do the therapy. I don't know! I'm not the expert! It's like a surgeon asking me how I would like him to perform my surgery. Is that normal? Do they all do that? Do I really have to come up with my own therapy? What's the point in seeing a t then?

I didn't go to my appointment with her today. She called to ask why I missed my appointment. I said I forgot. She asked how I'm doing, and she asked about the thoughts of hurting myself that I've been having again lately. Then she said I can call the front desk to make another appointment.

I don't think I'll go back to her though. She is very very young, I don't think I'd feel comfortable talking about trauma and such with her.

I don't think I'll see another t. I've been seeing ts for 14 years now, and it has gotten me nowhere, because no one has ever done anything. They are all talk, but don't back it up. And after the last almost year I think I'd have trouble trusting one again anyway. Sooner or later they all run. Usually when things get tough.
I need a t who has my back, someone who stands behind me no matter what, someone who doesn't bail when things get tough.

Do those exist? Are they out there?

Am I a hopeless case?

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by whenwillitend

I was abandoned by my t of many years when I needed her the most. I've been bounced around from t to t, nobody really doing anything. It's like just talking about the weather, and then see you next week. Every time I think I found a good t, and I start trusting that t, they drop me like a hot potato.

My current t, she started out talking about trauma work and all that, and how she was surprised that nobody has ever done anything to actually help. Now, a couple of weeks ago, she started asking things like "Is this beneficial for you? How? Do you want to continue coming here? I won't be offended if not." Stuff like that. Like "Go away already, I don't know what to do with you and I don't want to see you anymore". Every time she did that. Also, after every appointment she'd ask me if I wanted to make another one, and if I wanted to go one or two weeks.
I have been told by prior ts that I need more intense therapy, at least twice a week.
But still, no one has done anything to actually help.
So now the last couple of times my t has asked me what I want to do (therapy wise), you know, how I want to do the therapy. I don't know! I'm not the expert! It's like a surgeon asking me how I would like him to perform my surgery. Is that normal? Do they all do that? Do I really have to come up with my own therapy? What's the point in seeing a t then?

I didn't go to my appointment with her today. She called to ask why I missed my appointment. I said I forgot. She asked how I'm doing, and she asked about the thoughts of hurting myself that I've been having again lately. Then she said I can call the front desk to make another appointment.

I don't think I'll go back to her though. She is very very young, I don't think I'd feel comfortable talking about trauma and such with her.

I don't think I'll see another t. I've been seeing ts for 14 years now, and it has gotten me nowhere, because no one has ever done anything. They are all talk, but don't back it up. And after the last almost year I think I'd have trouble trusting one again anyway. Sooner or later they all run. Usually when things get tough.
I need a t who has my back, someone who stands behind me no matter what, someone who doesn't bail when things get tough.

Do those exist? Are they out there?

Am I a hopeless case?

No one is a hopeless case!

Honestly, if you want to get somewhere with therapy, I'd tell this therapist exactly what you wrote here (that you need someone to have you're back, you need someone who isn't going to drop you suddenly, that you don't know what approach of therapy is best for you and you're looking for guidance with that part).

Then ask her if she can help you with these things and if not, is there someone who can because you're tired of bouncing from therapist to therapist.

Lay it on the line with her and give it a go. It could be just the thing to help you get "into" therapy rather than this flopping around.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by whenwillitend

Now, a couple of weeks ago, she started asking things like "Is this beneficial for you? How? Do you want to continue coming here? I won't be offended if not." Stuff like that. Like "Go away already, I don't know what to do with you and I don't want to see you anymore".

((WWIE))

I can understand why you are taking it like that, but that might not be what she meant.

What I hear is, "Your heart and mind are closed books. I cannot read you."

[whenwillitend]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

((WWIE))

I can understand why you are taking it like that, but that might not be what she meant.

What I hear is, "Your heart and mind are closed books. I cannot read you."

it's just that, that's how it always starts. with statements like that. and then i get dumped again. it's always the same. i don't trust easily, and those things really don't help.
I had a really great t, or so i thought, who recognized those things. she saw immediately that i have trust issues, and she said we'll just spend some time talking and getting to know each other, and then, when I'm ready, start the actual work. she said she is an expert in trauma work. she said she's the one who takes the cases that no one else will touch with a ten foot pole. she said that she doesn't understand ts who bail when things get tough. she said that's when the patient needs their t the most. all that awesome stuff.

then i went into the hospital. i had been seeing her for a couple of months. when i called from the hospital to set up the required next appointment, she wouldn't even talk to me, the receptionist talked to her and then told me that my ts schedule is full, that she doesn't have room for me anymore. and that was that. she referred me to another t in the same office, but after seeing her just a few times i went ip again, and again she bailed on me. said she wanted me to do an outpatient program for ten days and then call her. the outpatient program had a copay of $400 for the ten half days. i don't even know what $400 looks like anymore. so, didn't happen.

and that is why i don't trust ts easily. that's why i'm tired of starting over. that's why i just know when i'm about to get dumped again. because this has happened over and over in less than a year.
and i don't know why. i'm not a difficult patient. i'm not a pita. i never miss an appt, i'm always on time, i'm not needy, i don't call my t except to reschedule appts. the only thing really is that i don't trust easily. i don't open up easily. i have been told repeatedly that talking to me is like pulling teeth. i have never talked about the childhood trauma, about my childhood period. it is not going to be easy to get started on that. i'd rather ignore those things.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by whenwillitend

it's just that, that's how it always starts. with statements like that. and then i get dumped again. it's always the same. i don't trust easily, and those things really don't help.
I had a really great t, or so i thought, who recognized those things. she saw immediately that i have trust issues, and she said we'll just spend some time talking and getting to know each other, and then, when I'm ready, start the actual work. she said she is an expert in trauma work. she said she's the one who takes the cases that no one else will touch with a ten foot pole. she said that she doesn't understand ts who bail when things get tough. she said that's when the patient needs their t the most. all that awesome stuff.

then i went into the hospital. i had been seeing her for a couple of months. when i called from the hospital to set up the required next appointment, she wouldn't even talk to me, the receptionist talked to her and then told me that my ts schedule is full, that she doesn't have room for me anymore. and that was that. she referred me to another t in the same office, but after seeing her just a few times i went ip again, and again she bailed on me. said she wanted me to do an outpatient program for ten days and then call her. the outpatient program had a copay of $400 for the ten half days. i don't even know what $400 looks like anymore. so, didn't happen.

and that is why i don't trust ts easily. that's why i'm tired of starting over. that's why i just know when i'm about to get dumped again. because this has happened over and over in less than a year.
and i don't know why. i'm not a difficult patient. i'm not a pita. i never miss an appt, i'm always on time, i'm not needy, i don't call my t except to reschedule appts. the only thing really is that i don't trust easily. i don't open up easily. i have been told repeatedly that talking to me is like pulling teeth. i have never talked about the childhood trauma, about my childhood period. it is not going to be easy to get started on that. i'd rather ignore those things.

I understand.

It's horrible to be dumped. I don't know how a therapist can do that to a patient.

[feralkittymom]

I know you feel awful and I'm sorry for that. And you probably don't want to hear this, but I also think you have to change your unwillingness to commit despite your "trust issues." We all have "trust issues." If you wait for that to change without doing anything actively to make it change, nothing will happen, and your Ts will decide you're not ready for therapy. Then it sounds like you get into some sort of crisis and go IP. Many Ts are reluctant to take on clients who have repeated IP stays and don't fully participate in therapy, probably in part because of the stress and liability, probably because it means changing the sort of practice they want to conduct. And some do feel that once that pattern is established, it shows that the client isn't likely to progress in outpatient therapy.

What happened before your T of many years "abandoned" you? It sounds like you got nowhere despite a long time with a T you seem to think was good because you wouldn't approach the issues that bring you to therapy.

Trust doesn't just happen out of thin air; it is created between two people out of a willingness on both sides to be open to it, and that willingness put into action through many behaviors, small and large. It sounds like you haven't been willing to build your part of that relationship trust, but then at some crisis point, you expect T to provide it all, and in a manner you can accept.

If you really want that to change, you have to confront it squarely. Be honest with a T about your past experiences and what you are willing to do to change the outcome. If you aren't ready to do that, then maybe this isn't the time in your life for therapy. You have the control here, not the T.

[elliemay]

Well, no I do not think it is normal for therapy, but it might be normal for therapists. I don't know.

As feralkitty said, it's really hard to trust a therapist, but sometimes you just have to take that leap, commit, and let the chips fall where they may.

Sometimes it's the fastest, if not the only way, to get over the fear of trusting.

I think it is very telling that you opted not to go to therapy, but told your therapist that you forgot. I completely understand it, but you essentially cut your therapist off from any potential benefit that she could offer.

Sometimes, you have to give them a chance. It may not work, but I can absolutely positively promise you it has zero chance of working if you don't show up.

Sometimes 90% of the stuggle is just getting into the fray.

It's worth it though.

[TippPatt]

Originally Posted by wotchermuggle

No one is a hopeless case!

Honestly, if you want to get somewhere with therapy, I'd tell this therapist exactly what you wrote here (that you need someone to have you're back, you need someone who isn't going to drop you suddenly, that you don't know what approach of therapy is best for you and you're looking for guidance with that part).

Then ask her if she can help you with these things and if not, is there someone who can because you're tired of bouncing from therapist to therapist.

Lay it on the line with her and give it a go. It could be just the thing to help you get "into" therapy rather than this flopping around.

Exactly. Perhaps you've not been too open when it comes to therapy and your therapist simply doesn't know how to get you there. Besides being point black honest with THIS one, why don't you have her discuss different therapy approaches with you, regarding your hurting yourself, and see what clicks with your brain.

Always be flat out honest with a therapist. They can't do anything to help unless you are. Keep that in mind, make an appt and go tell her exactly what you need. You could tell us, now tell her. Good luck. Really.

Originally Posted by whenwillitend

My current t, she started out talking about trauma work and all that, and how she was surprised that nobody has ever done anything to actually help. Now, a couple of weeks ago, she started asking things like "Is this beneficial for you? How? Do you want to continue coming here? I won't be offended if not." Stuff like that. Like "Go away already, I don't know what to do with you and I don't want to see you anymore". Every time she did that. Also, after every appointment she'd ask me if I wanted to make another one, and if I wanted to go one or two weeks.

Some therapists just routinely do this. There was a study not long ago that concluded that asking for this type of feedback reduced patient dropouts. Then again, she may be trying to get you to engage more and commit.

Originally Posted by whenwillitend

So now the last couple of times my t has asked me what I want to do (therapy wise), you know, how I want to do the therapy. I don't know! I'm not the expert! It's like a surgeon asking me how I would like him to perform my surgery. Is that normal? Do they all do that? Do I really have to come up with my own therapy? What's the point in seeing a t then?

This part makes me think it's more like that she is trying to figure out how to get you to engage and commit. The surgery analogy is a bit off because there are many ways of "doing" therapy and not all styles will work for all people, and your feedback may help her adapt her therapy style to something that might better suit you.

Originally Posted by whenwillitend

I don't think I'll see another t. I've been seeing ts for 14 years now, and it has gotten me nowhere, because no one has ever done anything. They are all talk, but don't back it up. And after the last almost year I think I'd have trouble trusting one again anyway. Sooner or later they all run. Usually when things get tough.
I need a t who has my back, someone who stands behind me no matter what, someone who doesn't bail when things get tough. Am I a hopeless case?

The bold part is important. They ARE all talk. It's really all they are ALLOWED to do. What are you looking for in terms of action, specifically? What do you want them to do? Can you tell her what you want her to do?

The harsh reality though is that all of the DOING in therapy pretty much has to happen by the client, not the therapist.

Originally Posted by elliemay

Well, no I do not think it is normal for therapy, but it might be normal for therapists. I don't know.

As feralkitty said, it's really hard to trust a therapist, but sometimes you just have to take that leap, commit, and let the chips fall where they may.

Sometimes it's the fastest, if not the only way, to get over the fear of trusting.

I think it is very telling that you opted not to go to therapy, but told your therapist that you forgot. I completely understand it, but you essentially cut your therapist off from any potential benefit that she could offer.

Sometimes, you have to give them a chance. It may not work, but I can absolutely positively promise you it has zero chance of working if you don't show up.

Sometimes 90% of the stuggle is just getting into the fray.

It's worth it though.

I think Ellie has some excellent points here. For what it's worth, my progress in therapy finally happened when I just decided to jump in and DO it. Act as if I trusted this man even if I wasn't really there yet. Just grit my teeth and do the work, talk about hard things, make the commitment and stick with it. In my case though, I was pretty desperate. I was at a point where it seemed clear to me that I was going to die without help. You totally get to decide for yourself whether it's worth it to take that leap of faith, obviously.

You know, a good starting point for the discussion with your T might be to print off chunks of this thread and take it with you to your next appointment.

Oh, and about the age thing, one of the better therapists I ever had was a student in a masters program. I don't think it's about age.

[stopdog]

In my experience and opinion, therapists don't actually do anything. They sit there so it looks like you are talking to another person, and you pay a sort of extremely high priced rent. I am not saying that cannot be useful, just that the therapist themselves do not matter. Sometimes it helps a person, sometimes it does not. I do not think being flat out honest with a therapist is always a good plan. It may work out and it may not. It may be that what you envision happening with a therapist is simply not available from a therapist or therapy or not from the one you are currently seeing.

[boredporcupine]

But still, no one has done anything to actually help.

What, according to you, would constitute actually helping?

It seems to me that all any T can do to help is help you talk about and process whatever is bothering you. But they can't do that if you won't talk about it in the first place!

When someone complains of being abandoned by multiple T's, it always raises my suspicions. You seem to be interpreting that either all T's are useless or that there's something inherent about you that would make people abandon you, but those are unlikely. More likely scenarios are:

1. These T's aren't actually dumping you, you just FEEL dumped when they let you drift off because you don't seem at all engaged in therapy.
2. There is something in your behavior that is actively driving T's away.

I am very curious about the reason for your hospitalizations, and the events leading up to them. It could help to explain why your T's might have thought it best to end therapy with you.

[stopdog]

I believe therapists could alleviate a lot of this sort of confusion if they would simply be more forthcoming about the shortcomings and limitations of therapy and therapists.

[Bill3]

Now, a couple of weeks ago, she started asking things like "Is this beneficial for you? How? Do you want to continue coming here? I won't be offended if not."

This provides an excellent opportunity to tell T what you are really thinking.

You told us that these comments make you think T is actually saying:

"Go away already, I don't know what to do with you and I don't want to see you anymore".

Be honest with her. Tell her that this is how her questions make you feel.

[whenwillitend]

see, i had ts that i trusted, and i wanted to do the work, but i need the t to come up with a plan. i do not know how to do trauma work. i need the t to take the lead and tell me what to do. i do know that i need to do most of the work, but i need guidance, i need to know HOW to do it. if i could figure that out myself i wouldn't need to see a t. i had ts that i started talking to about what happened in my past, but it never got anywhere. no, i'm not someone who sits there and talks nonstop for an hour. but it doesn't help to just talk about my plans for the weekend. i need a game plan. one of the ts, the one who said she's an expert in trauma work and then dropped me during a hospitalization, she actually had a plan, and i was all excited, i thought finally someone who can help.
i do not know how to do therapy. i'm not the expert. yes, there are different approaches, but i know nothing about them, i don't know how to do it, i don't know what works, i don't know where to start. i feel lost when they ask me what i want to do. i want to get better, but i obviously don't know how. it's not that i don't want to do the work, but i need the t to make the start, because i don't know how to start, i do not know how to do trauma work.
i've tried emdr and i hated it.
i had a t who spent the entire time talkin about herself, her own issues, she never let me say anything. i also had one who seemed really great. then she started taking her dogs out during our appointments, and taking phone calls, and making personal calls. sometimes she showed up to our apointments, sometimes she didn't because she "forgot". often she showed up late. she never called back when i called. sometimes she "forgot" that i was in the waiting room. as i was going more and more into crisis, our appointments got shorter and shorter. eventually she told me that i "needed more help than she could give me" and sent me to another t. i don't know how she figured that, she never really talked to me. she had me sign safety contracts, and that was pretty much it.
the very first t i ever had, her cure for everything were walks and bubble baths. i called her once during a crisis, at night, and she told me to wait until the morning and then go for a walk. i would not have called her if it could have waited until the morning.
another t i had, a male, spent three weeks talking about a hamster i had when i was 8. i have no idea why.
i spent about 13 years as a military wife, and during those years of seeing mainly military ts they came and went, as it is in the military. it's hard to build a relationship with someone who is only going to be there for a couple of monhts. and then start all over with someone else.

my hospitalizations were for suicidal ideation, and sometimes attempts. i went ip a lot last year, and a couple of times this year. but why is going ip a reason to dump a patient?

the current t, she gave me homework in the beginning, to help change certain thoughts. i've been doing that, the whole time. but that can't be it. where do we go from here?

i never lied to a t, i've always been honest. i know that if i'm not honest they can't help me. i don't hide anything.

with the "all talk and nothing to back it up with" i meant that they all say they can help me, and how good they are, and all that, but when it comes to actually doing some work, nobody does anything. they say they can help me, but then they drop me. most of them don't even start on anything.

i don't know what's wrong with me that sends them running for the hills, but apparnetly it's me.

[Bill3]

But did you tell the current T how her questions make you feel?

Or here is another excellent thing you could say to your current T:

i feel lost when they ask me what i want to do.

Have you said this to your current T?

[Lamplighter]

Whenwillitend, I can relate very much to what you’re describing here, and I’m sorry you’re getting what sounds very much like a massive brush-off from the Ts you’ve seen, particularly the one you thought might actually be able to help you. Your description of how she gradually withdrew sounds awful and I sympathize very much with how that must have made you feel, especially after having made what sounded like optimistic promises to you.

As one who has seen numerous Ts throughout my life and not gotten any help from any of them, I can offer a few perspectives from my own experiences that might be of some use (or not, but I’ll write anyway!)

Like you the one thing I’d have always wanted was a T who had a game plan, who bothered to listen closely enough and open mindedly enough to my issues and to get a decent understanding of what they were and some idea of what was needed in order to resolve them. A bit of genuine involvement in other words, do the job they’re being paid for. And to do at least SOME directing and guiding of the therapy because as you very simply point out – we as clients don’t know **** from clay about how to help ourselves, if we did, we wouldn’t need therapy! As Stopdog repeatedly tries to explain, therapy life would be infinitely easier better and more productive if therapists took the time to explain how therapy is supposed to work. Unfortunately they mostly seem to subscribe to the FoFo method (**** off and find out for yourself) so we spend an awful lot of time trying to work stuff out for ourselves that in my opinion is actually the therapist’s responsibility.

My experience of the majority of therapists I’ve seen is that they are at best superficial and incompetent and unable or more often unwilling to plunge into the difficult and challenging work of actively helping an intelligent extremely self aware but equally extremely traumatized client (that’s me lol). I’m sure there are therapists out there who can and do do such work happily and competently – I’ve never met them, but that brings me to another point which might be of interest to you, that the rubbish therapists I’ve had dealings with and the betrayals and to my eyes almost deliberate obtuseness and apparent refusal on their part to hear what I’m very clearly telling them indicates a pattern that I’m somehow managing to recreate and they are managing to participate in, without having the brains to realize they’re enacting such with me.

It’s too glib to say that you are somehow ‘making’ your therapists act this way with you (and that would be a cop out on their part anyway were they to tell you this) but in my experience I am pretty certain that there is something about me, about how I am in therapy (or in real life as well, who knows) that sets up scenarios with therapists that end up recreating the same old same old that I’ve endured from day dot and which I seem to have spent my life trying to undo and change. Circles and more circles!

So maybe there are two opposing aspects here that you might like to think about – on the one hand maybe the therapists you’ve been seeing are lazy and incompetent and unwilling to become involved enough to genuinely help you, on the other hand, maybe you are the victim of enactments that both you and the therapists you see play a part in, without even recognizing it. Given that your Ts haven’t been bothered trying to understand with you what’s going on, all you’re really left with is the option of looking at yourself and how you are in therapy and trying to work out what, if anything, might be happening from your side that is creating this kind of repetitive scenario for you.

Or maybe as another poster has already said, it might be that right now therapy is not for you and is not going to help you (I’m reluctantly having to face that option in my own case, and it’s a terrible and painful thing to have to face, but it’s even more painful to keep going from one T to another desperately hoping that THIS one maybe will be THE ONE who is going to get it, who is going to actually help me, only to be let down badly x amount of time down the line and be forced to go looking yet again for a new one. Sooner or later it just becomes self destructive.)

It’s certainly worth thinking about what it is that you hope to get from therapy, and then try and work out whether therapy can actually provide that – I am coming to the conclusion that what the books say therapy is about is not at all what therapists themselves offer. Sometimes it feels like a massive con

Sorry to go on so much and I’m not even sure that my experience parallels yours as I first thought, but I do want to be clear that whatever is going on with you and your therapy, none of it is your fault. You have every right to expect a therapist to help you and they have no right to expect you to know how to orchestrate your own therapy. I hope you don’t end up blaming yourself for how unhelpful your therapists have been.

Best of luck (((((((( WWIE )))))))

Torn

[whenwillitend]

thank you so much! you hit the nail on the head.

your reply made me think, maybe i do go in now with a "it's just a waste of time again" attitude. but thinking some more about it, every time i see a new t i'm kinda excited, getting my hopes up that, like you said, this is "the one". so i don't think i'm going in with a negative attitude to begin with.

i think maybe i should take a break from therapy for a while, like you and others have said. i don't know, at least the current t is a military t, so i don't hvae a copay. i do'nt have the money to see a civilian t.

Originally Posted by Torn Mind

Whenwillitend, I can relate very much to what you’re describing here, and I’m sorry you’re getting what sounds very much like a massive brush-off from the Ts you’ve seen, particularly the one you thought might actually be able to help you. Your description of how she gradually withdrew sounds awful and I sympathize very much with how that must have made you feel, especially after having made what sounded like optimistic promises to you.

As one who has seen numerous Ts throughout my life and not gotten any help from any of them, I can offer a few perspectives from my own experiences that might be of some use (or not, but I’ll write anyway!)

Like you the one thing I’d have always wanted was a T who had a game plan, who bothered to listen closely enough and open mindedly enough to my issues and to get a decent understanding of what they were and some idea of what was needed in order to resolve them. A bit of genuine involvement in other words, do the job they’re being paid for. And to do at least SOME directing and guiding of the therapy because as you very simply point out – we as clients don’t know **** from clay about how to help ourselves, if we did, we wouldn’t need therapy! As Stopdog repeatedly tries to explain, therapy life would be infinitely easier better and more productive if therapists took the time to explain how therapy is supposed to work. Unfortunately they mostly seem to subscribe to the FoFo method (**** off and find out for yourself) so we spend an awful lot of time trying to work stuff out for ourselves that in my opinion is actually the therapist’s responsibility.

My experience of the majority of therapists I’ve seen is that they are at best superficial and incompetent and unable or more often unwilling to plunge into the difficult and challenging work of actively helping an intelligent extremely self aware but equally extremely traumatized client (that’s me lol). I’m sure there are therapists out there who can and do do such work happily and competently – I’ve never met them, but that brings me to another point which might be of interest to you, that the rubbish therapists I’ve had dealings with and the betrayals and to my eyes almost deliberate obtuseness and apparent refusal on their part to hear what I’m very clearly telling them indicates a pattern that I’m somehow managing to recreate and they are managing to participate in, without having the brains to realize they’re enacting such with me.

It’s too glib to say that you are somehow ‘making’ your therapists act this way with you (and that would be a cop out on their part anyway were they to tell you this) but in my experience I am pretty certain that there is something about me, about how I am in therapy (or in real life as well, who knows) that sets up scenarios with therapists that end up recreating the same old same old that I’ve endured from day dot and which I seem to have spent my life trying to undo and change. Circles and more circles!

So maybe there are two opposing aspects here that you might like to think about – on the one hand maybe the therapists you’ve been seeing are lazy and incompetent and unwilling to become involved enough to genuinely help you, on the other hand, maybe you are the victim of enactments that both you and the therapists you see play a part in, without even recognizing it. Given that your Ts haven’t been bothered trying to understand with you what’s going on, all you’re really left with is the option of looking at yourself and how you are in therapy and trying to work out what, if anything, might be happening from your side that is creating this kind of repetitive scenario for you.

Or maybe as another poster has already said, it might be that right now therapy is not for you and is not going to help you (I’m reluctantly having to face that option in my own case, and it’s a terrible and painful thing to have to face, but it’s even more painful to keep going from one T to another desperately hoping that THIS one maybe will be THE ONE who is going to get it, who is going to actually help me, only to be let down badly x amount of time down the line and be forced to go looking yet again for a new one. Sooner or later it just becomes self destructive.)

It’s certainly worth thinking about what it is that you hope to get from therapy, and then try and work out whether therapy can actually provide that – I am coming to the conclusion that what the books say therapy is about is not at all what therapists themselves offer. Sometimes it feels like a massive con

Sorry to go on so much and I’m not even sure that my experience parallels yours as I first thought, but I do want to be clear that whatever is going on with you and your therapy, none of it is your fault. You have every right to expect a therapist to help you and they have no right to expect you to know how to orchestrate your own therapy. I hope you don’t end up blaming yourself for how unhelpful your therapists have been.

Best of luck (((((((( WWIE )))))))

Torn

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by stopdog

In my experience and opinion, therapists don't actually do anything. They sit there so it looks like you are talking to another person, and you pay a sort of extremely high priced rent.

I disagree. Some are like this. Some are not.