Relationships Outside of the Therapeutic Relationship

Thankfully, I managed to book my own room in the same hotel as them, so I'll sleep on my own.

They weren't very positive about it though... They said "it's more fun if we're all together". I feel like I have already spoiled the fun for them.

I don't think I'll get much time alone, other than sleep-time. They're all for partying together and stuff and the thought of this makes me exhausted. I wanted something quiet and relaxing...

Maybe I could tell them I want a nap time after lunch?

Moreover, I have an ed and I can't eat much. What's worse is that my friends eat loads, they have associated fun and holidays with stuffing their faces with unhealthy food. I can't do that, I'm terrified!

P.s. Thank you for understanding Mastodon, it made me feel less "crazy".

Keep working on that. The therapeutic relationship can help you figure out who "Me" is and you practice that with the others. Watch the others and see/listen to what they do and see if you like it and try it yourself when you have an opportunity.

Find an interest of your own and join a group for that interest and then you'll at least know you like the interest and will be able to talk about that? I took up quilting and the store where I took lessons had regulars, etc. and I made several friends there, had a good time once or twice a week for a year or more and I got a couple good gifts, my own bed quilt out of it.

I really have an urge to know what the cat is looking at.

That cat is so fluffy.

I also left the church for a bit when I was depressed...then, I started getting better and went to a new church. I volunteer and am in a small group. It has really helped me meet some solid, caring people. You should try going back or try going to a new church. If you're not ready to do that, then you could start volunteering with other groups of people. It's nice to have a common thread/common cause to unite around. I also have friends who make other friends through the YMCA/triathlons/working out/outdoorsy things. All of those are great ways to meet people who aren't just some shallow, partying socialites.

Don't be afraid to reach out, try, and step out of your comfort zone. It will be tough, but it will pay off.

I struggle with this. Most friendships feel skin-deep to me. And I feel like if people really knew me they wouldn't like me.

Making friends and forging connections is very hard. However, what worked for me was to just start doing what I enjoyed doing. Finding what I genuinely enjoyed doing was hard, but

The biggest risk was actually going out and doing it.

I discovered people that enjoyed doing the same thing, and from that common interest, some truly amazing connections developed.

I think you gotta make a decision to inhabit and live your life and just let the chips fall where they may.

It takes guts to be alive, but you gotta do it.

I DID IT!! I DID IT!! I went to the wildlife rescue meeting, not only did I stay for longer than 10 minutes but I actually talked to people. It was terrifying as i got the time wrong and arrived 20 minutes late but people smiled and nodded at me. They were just so pleased to have another member plus one with experience. They were friendly and patient and i ahve really no idea what I was scared about.
Yes, elliemay is right! Pick people who enjoy doing the same thing.

But remember I was in training for this for many months, so little steps at a time.

Sorry for hijacking your post Wotcher but if I can do it, so can you!

What Bipolarartist is talking about having done above is what I do from time to time when I know I need to socialize and just get out and mix with real world people - in my case I looked up free self help/community courses in the local area and went along to the groups - it was pretty fraught and sometimes I'd feel like 'what am I doing in this room of strangers who are making me feel so alone' but mostly it was good to just be there, with a common reason for being there (it's sort of like getting permission to be amongst people and free to talk to them and try and make friends, without having to justify being there - like I normally feel if I wanted to for instance, visit someone I knew, way too difficult for me, that one, too much bare faced need and exposure.)

The other thing that gives me a much needed sense of connection to people is internet forums like this one. They really meet some of my needs in a big way and though my T seems to think it's not a Good Idea to pursue 'virtual' friendships, I disagree, I get a lot out of it and think the relating is just as genuine (or as negative!) as in real world.

I do see his point though, sooner or later I'd like to be able to make face to face friends and establish a proper network of friends and acquaintances. It's so limiting and painful being without that sort of contact.

It sounds like you need to work on the courage aspects of getting out and about, it all seems very threatening to you (something I can empathize with) and I hope you will be able to do what Bipolarartist for instance suggested - work your way up to doing just one thing and pushing yourself to go through with it.

The cat was getting its head scratched and leaning back into my fingers so to make better contact Emily, named after my great grandmother who was my favorite role model ancestor relative of the time (replaced now by "Harriet", a 3rd great grand aunt of mine).

The cat was a stray and very anxious, for years we could only touch the top of her head like this, not pet the rest of her; she still has a "You must love me. . .don't touch me!" attitude and reminded me of myself when I took her in. I had to get my other cat, an overly dumb/socialable male, to try and teach her people were nice to interact with -- as a kitten he was into turning somersaults on people's shoes to get them to pet him MORE. It worked pretty well; she would watch while he got a lot of nice attention and would get jealous, LOL.

When I took her in, we thought Emily was part Maine Coon but she didn't get very much bigger, is a normal size and weight for a regular female cat.

What works for cats might work for humans? Find someone "safe" that is more outgoing and hang with them?

Try to hang in there. I know the down days are tough.

It was wildlife rescue that did it for me as well! Good good people spend their time and effort doing that.

I've made life long friends, united by a common mission, but also remarkably similar to me. We "get" each other.

Animal people are the best.

It's also really hard to take things so seriously when you just got peed on by a crittter.

Good stuff.