Distortions and screwy thinking

I had distorted thinking, especially about my husband wanting me to kill myself. Once I got stabilized on medication (bp I), the delusional thinking subsided. I still have low self-esteem & sometimes interpret even a glance from my husband in a negative way, but not too such a dramatic extent (except I did have a bad episode about a month ago due to a comment he made about my weight--have gained about 50 lbs. since starting on meds & quitting smoking) & I overdosed & ended up in the ER. So I can have very dramatic & bad reactions to real or perceived criticism.

I'm trying to view myself with some compassion like I would offer to anyone else who is suffering. That helps with the negative judgments of myself sometimes.--Suzy

Distortions can come in all sizes. I've often believed the one that said people would be better off without me too. Sometimes medication might be required to get them straightened out, as you have found.

I'm trying to view myself with some compassion like I would offer to anyone else who is suffering.

<font color="green"> For me, it is more like I am responsible for everything. So if anything goes wrong for anyone, I am at fault and need to do something to fix it. I seem to collect guilt like our mothers would collect green stamps.</font>

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I'm trying to view myself with some compassion like I would offer to anyone else who is suffering.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> This really strikes a chord. Just so very hard to implement... Why though? Could anyone shed some light on this?

An example of viewing myself with compassion is that I've forgiven myself for causing my first child to be very premature (She's 30 now & fine except she has suffered from depression) due to my drinking & smoking during the pregnancy. I had untreated bp & was trying to cope with life to the best of my ability, but, unfortunately I didn't have very good coping skills or support or treatment. I realize what I did was very wrong, but I also realize if I'd had proper treatment I wouldn't have had those behaviors while pregnant.

Now I'm trying to get over my latest episode (overdose a month ago). I can't seem to view myself with compassion about that yet. I feel incredible shame.

My self-esteem is not too hot, either. I do make negative judgments about myself. But I realize if I were someone else viewing me I wouldn't think I was as bad as I do. Doesn't make sense that intellectually I can see that I'm an ok person, but my emotions & pop-up thoughts are negative.--Suzy

Suzy, I like the title of this post.. i, too seem to have distorted thinking alot of the time.. and I am also harder on myself than I am others.I don't know your story but for me, having been abused all of my childhood caused me to have screwy thinking.

Along the way I have learned that I was not of value and I didn't deserve compassion or sympathy... I have to wonder if maybe its like that for you. What causes you to be so hard on yourself? Why do you have a hard time forgiving yourself for making mistakes? Do you think you don't deserve forgivness?

Shame is not something you deserve to burden yourself with, this much I am sure of... we all make poor choices sometimes and we all do the best we can with what we have to work with too.

I hope you feel better about things very soon. .and if you need to talk feel free to PM me... You don't have to go through this alone.

Peace.. Faith