[sweepy62]

I go to a substance abuse t group and individual for about a yr now for alcohol abuse which is coming to an end and I can't wait her and I have no connection she is a recently graduated 26 yr old substance abuse t and is a textbook t anyway her office is full of FAM pics and her son pics who is three and she constanstantly talks about in group by name and individual therapy her office has his name posted all over the place anyway she knows I make clay arts and crafts and has accepted gifts from me for her and her son. She told me her son liked sponge bob and sesame st characters so I made them I decided to personalize them with his name I called her office to tell her and she sounded offended she told me I should not have used his name she knows my CSa past and other experiences now I feel ashamed and dirty

[CantExplain]

It bothers you that she is so open about her family?

[growlycat]

If she was the one to be so open about her family, then she doesn't have a right to complain. An experienced T would have a boundary between therapy and home life.
Sorry to hear you have to work with an insensitive and non-self-aware T.

[sweepy62]

It just hurt me that everything was fine and she was accepting my gifts for her and her son until I personalized it with his name this is my substance abuse t not my reg t

[ultramar]

I can see how there would be a difference, perhaps, in her eyes, between giving her general arts and crafts, and putting the names of her children on them. The fact that she has family pics in her office and talks about them doesn't necessarily mean that she would welcome this --Maybe putting their names on them made it feel more personal to her, like maybe a more direct relationship/connection between you and them rather than, on the other hand, her more general references to them (her son likes sponge bob, etc.).

*But*, okay, you bumped against a boundary, and I can absolutely see how her reaction would be hurtful. But just because she felt this might have crossed some sort of line, does *not* mean she doesn't like and care about you and want to help you. Sometimes we're just not aware of a boundary (or therapist's personal preference) until we bump against them. I hope you can not feel ashamed about this and accept it as a bump in the road that you two can move forward from. It doesn't necessarily reflect badly on you or change your relationship.

I hope you can share with her the kinds of feelings this has brought up in you, likely due to your history. I'm sorry this has made you feel so bad, but maybe it will help to keep in mind that she surely has not intended this outcome, she just felt it was necessary to be honest with you, she doesn't want you to feel bad.

I really hope you feel better after talking to her about it!

[sweepy62]

Is it fair to say she crossed a boundary as well also I only have three sessions left with her I never trusted her should I tell my actual t or leave I alone and not even go back

I think you can talk to her about it. Just say you don't understand and maybe she could explain why it is a problem for her when she has accepted gifts in past and she is the one who has her childrens pictures all over and has told you his name.

I don't think your being upset necessarily means you have to stop seeing her. Can't you talk about your feelings and she can talk about her boundaries and you could come to see each other's take on the situation?

[sweepy62]

I think I can do that I just never had a rupture before and I'm all distraught but thank you

[ultramar]

I hope you can work it out --you bumped against something, you didn't know, not your fault. I suspect she'll be understanding, but I'm afraid if you don't talk it out with her, it will fester. I hope for you that it'll work out, it sounds like you've had a good relationship with her up until now, which is a very good sign!

[sweepy62]

I see her tomorrow so I will keep you guys updated

Good luck and let us know how it goes! I think she "opened the door" by having pics, etc., about her family and then she suddenly turned things around on you. Not fair, IMO. I think it is "her" issue, not yours! Sorry you are going through this.

So how did it go Sweep?

[sweepy62]

Hi Lola well I met with her a needless to say I did not bring In the gift after our phone conversation but I did notice something funny some of the stuff I gave her the ones for her office were all gone and all of her sons pics were gone as well she is still under supervision so she might have consulted with her supervisor but I also gave her alot for her house I hope she didn't throw them out I told my real t I didn't want to go back to finish my substance abuse last two sessions but she recommends I go