Couch 58 A place to sit and......

im trying to believe you .thank you so much

Sorry you're having a tough time, Wikid. If you want to talk about it, we're here.

Granite, how's your dad this morning?

Thanks for the validation and support on the paperwork thing, everyone. The woman seemed really surprised when I said I would not have signed it for myself.

The thing is...
I am a Christian, but I have always believed in balance, kind of a ying yang. When one is saved, one is taken. Balance in all things, good for evil and so forth. One of the reason I believe in random acts of kindness is because I kind of feel my job on earth it to balance the evil my father did. He was SO bad, therefore I have to be SO good.

I lived, she died. It kills me to think that if I had let the cancer take me out, she may not have died. Like my living has caused so much pain.

I know most of you won't agree with that. I am not looking for anyone to prove me wrong or anything, it's a core belief. I just am trying to explain why I feel so crappy.

I love you wiki

I am sorry, Wikid. I understand that feeling, although I don't think it really works that way. I hope you have some support from your husband and kids that (1) that isn't how it works, and (2) they would be devastated without you and your living brings them joy and comfort.

On a totally frivolous note, Crabtree & Evelyn is running a sale on the value sizes of certain lotions and body washes. Usually they are $28 each for these large value size lotions I love. They had some sort of packaging imperfection, so I just got 6 for $35. I am unreasonably excited about that. They guarantee the product inside is the same as always, even if the packaging is really messed up.

OMG....I love their avocado lotion as well as the lavender. The "source" one smells awesome too. Which scent do you use?

I get the balance this, and with good there is bad, Yin and Yang. However, I don't believe it is a person's job to pick a side and feel like they somehow are responsible to maintain the balance. I think they balance occurs naturally, it is how the universe works. I believe that people cross paths of others for a reason, that one kind word you say to a stranger walking down the street could change their life forever and you will never know. Wiki you have been such an inspiration and ray of light for so many people on the boards and we don't even get the pleasure of knowing you IRL. I can only imagine that what you contribute on here is multiplied by 1 million and that is what you bring to those around you. Maybe the cancer didn't take you because you still have an unknown purpose to fulfill in the lives of others and you can do that simply by being you. You are in no way responsible to balance out the evil of your father. As for the passing of your relative, maybe it was just her time as she had done what she was supposed to do or maybe sometimes bad stuff happens to good people as is the ebb and flow of good and bad. I love you Wiki, you and your vegan ways!

Ok you can return to lotion talk and bargain hunting

Good morning.. I got three hrs of sleep last night. I woke up to my 5 year old daughter sitting at the kitchen table eating her own breakfast that she made all by herself (just cereal and milk). I was a bit surprised! Thankfully she didn't try to use a knife or anything! T today, full of anxiety..

Gads...I love you peeps and I don't dislike stopdog.

We should be receiving the inspection report on our house today. The house we are selling. The one we have lived in for 10 years. The one that I've heard has high radon. Not so worried about fixing the radon issue, but not thrilled that we've lived there so long with it unchecked.

Also, it is official - I have no clothes that fit and I feel gross. Time to get back on the healthy eating and exercise schedule. No more using the house sale as an excuse to mistreat my body.

Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

(((pbutton)))

I have never seen you, but I honestly can tell that there is no way you are gross.

I don't dislike you either.

Although this is a bit of an extreme emotional display for me to indulge in before noon.

I love the new Iris scent a lot, but it doesn't come in the value sizes yet. I use Spring Rain or Summer Hill. It's the Summer Hill that is on sale. My H, without knowing the name of the Summer Hill scent, told me I smelled like sunshine when I was wearing that lotion.

I will second what Lola is saying also, Wikid. I came VERY close to killing myself in high school. I had stockpiled the medication I planned to use. On the day that I planned to kill myself, there was this weird quirky twist of fate that ended with me having this long, emotional conversation with our parish priest (not about suicide, but about something in my family). His absolute acceptance of the hatred and rage that I felt toward this family member, and his kindness and loving way toward me actually gave me hope that things would improve.

When I was in college a couple of years later, I passed another woman in the stairwell on my way to class and she just looked so sad. I asked how she was and she said fine and continued up the stairs. I didn't know her that well, so I really debated whether to say anything else, but finally turned back around and said, "no really. How are you? You don't seem okay. I can skip this class if you need company." She started to cry, but then said she really was okay for the moment, but would like it if I could come by her room after my class to talk. I did, and we became friends. She told me years later that she had been going up to her room to kill herself and just me stopping and offering to talk was a turning point for her. She has become an amazing teacher and has touched many lives. I was staggered and a bit panicky about how close I was to just minding my own business and going to class without saying anything more than 'how are you?'

So, I will echo Lola's point that you just don't know how you impact others. You don't know what lives you have touched or will be touching in the future. You have a purpose in life and value to those who know you.

I have to go to a fashion show at my d's cosmo school later. The students have to design hair and make-up from different eras. My d and her partner are doing Edwardian...she was making make-up out of crushed rose petals and burnt match sticks last night. She also got feathers and "pearls" to do hair with. Should be cool.

Thank you Lola and Mkac and Granite and everyone.

It's so cool that you can touch someone like that and know it.

Things are just so weird. I don't get why one child is put in a good home and another in a hell hole. I don't get why my little niece lived while other babies died. I don't understand anything, and I effing hate that. I think of this verse about how now we see thru a glass dimly, and later it will be clear and that just sucks. I want it to be clear now. I guess what I want is control, but I know I will never have it.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Anxiety!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow. This sofa is BORING today! lol.

I just bought 120 broken vintage windup watches on ebay. ROFL. That's boredom. Last week I was on Etsy too much, this week it's ebay. I need to go buy some pencils and graph paper and work my brain a bit.

(don't ya just love the smell of red cedar and graphite?)

Being without T while she's on her 4 week holiday isn't actually too bad

How is everyone feeling today?

today is an ok day.my farther is home and doing well. I made some awesome cards and did not have a breakdown. not an easy task these days. the only bad part is my T canceled and I am going on a small tangent about that but really trying not to

That's good to hear about your father, granite.

I'm not doing great tonight. I think I'll try to get an early night. I ought to go in to the office tomorrow.

whats going on mast want to talk about it some?

Thanks

I'm just really stressed out right now. About my relationship, and my job, and my social life, and everything I promised to do for my eldest sister's birthday party (which my other sister is breathing down my neck about), and the state of our house, and and and..... And I've been sleeping badly for a long time. And I miss my T but am really anxious and stressed about going back, and I know it's just a week but right now I don't know how I'll stay in one piece until then.

Um. Sorry. I whine.

Oh my goodness mast .maybe take some time to breathe sweetie .maybe make a list to follow about your sisters birthday .I hope others are also helping. you got a lot that you are working on right now it sounds overwhelming big time . i'm sorry my friend. I bet you might be able to break it down into small parts so it is not so big. what's going on with your job??? oh and you are a great person I know you don't always feel this way. I don't know what is going on with your hubby and your relationships but know you are a good person when you are thinking about these things