My T doesn't get it

I find myself crying daily after my moms death. Last week my T went on vacation, but he forgot to tell me and I drove an hour there and back for nothing I text'd him about it. He said he did tell me. (He didnt). So I haven't seen him in two weeks and I haven't been texting much-maybe once. Tonight I textd. He basically said we've been over it before and what have I tried. I admitted I needed some support, that I was crying a lot, and asked him if that was terrible. No answer. I'm still mourning, sad, and I don't have family. But even tho I'm going thru this he can't give me support or comfort. Thats not ok because it's not good for me to use him as a way to feel better. Sigh. Where do I find comfort--a hand on my shoulder, a comforting word? A bar? My T can't find it in his heart after 10+ years?

Butterflying, If I were you I'd be so sad to drive an hour there and back and not find him there. I'd be even more sad to not feel him being supportive and comforting. I am so sorry, I hope you take some time to love yourself and think what to do next. It is so normal to cry every day after your mom's death, you really need support, your T shouldn't go on vacation without telling you first! I can't imagine how hard this must be for you.

Grief is so hard. Sometimes it helps if you just call it what it is. It's grief, and it's a powerful, complex emotion. It's a lot to carry on one's own.

But, it can be done. Crying every day might not feel good, but it might be necessary for you to experience, process, and eventually, move through this feeling.

I understand the desire to be freer from it - I mean it's awful. I've definitely learned though it something that needs to run its course.

Perhaps you could try to honor your grief by allowing it to exist, making allowances for it, and giving yourself a little space to experience how you feel.

Create something that symbolizes your feelings, nurture yourself by eating well, resting as and when you need it, but keep moving as best you can with the pace and tempo of your life. If you need to slow that down, do so.

Every day find something to cherish.

Definitely stay out of the bars. They are a place to hide, and that's about it IMO.

The only way out of this I have ever found, is to go through it, and you will.

Ugh, that stinks that your T didn't tell you about his vacation! I hope that you can express your feelings about how this was hurtful when he is available.

Both of my parents are deceased and I was not in therapy during those grieving periods. Please PM me if you need support. Thinking of you.

Good morning,

I know that some churches offer bereavement groups. You don't have to be a member. You can meet folks who are going through the same issues. If your mother was with hospice, you can attend their bereavement group.

It's helpful to be around others who are dealing with grief.

Regards,

Sabra

I'm sorry your T is not being supportive. I agree with the others about grief taking time and we go through different steps to acceptance. When I lost my mother, I thought my world end. I cryed a lot. I still cry when I think about it. I may never be able to move past the sad stage, but when I do think about her I try to remember the good times. And sometimes that helps. Grief is hard. I mother was my best friend. It will just take time for you to get to a better place. Hope you find the support you need on here. I hope you pain lessens soon but take care of yourself in the mean time.
Gayle

Butterflying...

my xT suggested this method to use for dealing with grief...

He said there are times that grief will just hit you and that is hard... but he said sometimes its helpful to put aside a time each day to think about it... to go through pictures and to write in your journal about that person and then you put it away and you deal with your everyday life knowing that you will go back to it tomorrow...