I am just curious to see if your therapists point out your destructive behaviour( if you are so inclined) or do they wait until you see a pattern developing and figure it out for yourself?
My t always points it out and says it would be remiss of me as your therapist not to point this out! I wonder should they wait, I know they are supposed to give us the space to figure it out but isn't that a lot of time and money before we figure something that they could have just pointed out!
What do you think?

My T definitely cuts to the chase so to speak. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

My T definitely cuts to the chase so to speak. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I prefer a straight up t too, thanks Chris!

[tinyrabbit]

Do you mean how you're behaving in the session or things you're relating about your life outside sessions?

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

Do you mean how you're behaving in the session or things you're relating about your life outside sessions?

Mmmm, good question I never thought of that. I mean both, rl and sessions! I can give you an example, a t I went to see in April because I was thinking of changing ts, well it didn't work out as I had emailed her a lot a Nd she suggested I meet with her so I did a few times. Two e she didn't show up so I sent her an email to say I quit and she sent me one back saying she felt it would be remiss as my ex therapist to inform me that I am cutting a potentially trustful relationship out like I have been doing all along. She told me straight out.

[tinyrabbit]

I'm not sure this has actually come up for me. Question is, do you want T to point things out?

I would prefer it if they did cos I am a little slow sometimes, so if they noticed something that would be helpful for me to know, I would appreciate knowing.

[Asiablue]

I can't remember a time that any pattern has been pointed out to me, but i'd appreciate it being flagged up if they noticed a pattern. Cutting to the chase is definitely better for me.

Tiny rabbit makes a good point tho, i do have patterns in therapy which are different or less obvious at least in the outside world. I am aware of those on my own tho and i have had those pointed out to me before.

[sweepy62]

She usually points them out to me

[growlithing]

My self destructive patterns are very obvious. She doesn't really need to point it out.

Well, maybe not in sessions. I thought I was being expressive for a long time but according to her, I wasn't talking about my feelings at all. I wish she had told me that straight out months before she did.

[lrt1978]

I went to therapy because of destructive behaviours but if she see's a pattern emerging that I don't see, she will point it out and we will discuss it to god out what is happening.

[Raging Quiet]

My t points everything to me.

[Lamplighter]

Hm I don't take too kindly to having faults and failings pointed out, I do that extremely well all by myself and I don't go to see a T to have that negative stuff reinforced, quite the opposite. But I'm also pretty paranoid and experience even innocuous and anodyne statements of fact as critical - something my current T has seen and luckily, accepted.

I think I'm of the school that thinks negative stuff is down to me to uncover by myself - I can tell a mile away if someone is trying to nudge or 'guide' me to it and that just makes me very defensive and is totally counter productive.

What I'd really like is for Ts to focus on pointing out positive things, I reckon that's way more constructive, at least it is for me. Current T also is pretty good in the throwing out positive and supportive statements line, that's one of the (many) things about him that is different from any other T I've seen. Lol that could be famous last words too, tempting fate and all that...

[healed84]

Yes, if I am going to do something that he thinks might have huge ramifications in my life he will say something. Usually, he suggests that maybe it is not a good idea. Unless it is something that is life threatening then he will ask me to assure my safety.. So, sure he says stuff to me if he sees it as self destructive.

Originally Posted by Rect0pathic

My t points everything to me.

Do you find this helpful Recto?

[Freewilled]

My T is very sensitive to my defensiveness so he is super careful when choosing his words most of the time. I do appreciate that... He sometimes comes right out to make connections but even more often, he will ask me pointed questions that give me no choice but to think about what's going on.

It's a balancing act for Ts, IMO. They have to be careful not to rush too far ahead of the client, but also make sure to gently guide and not abandon him/her in what feels comfortable but keeps one stuck.

[1stepatatime]

My T is quick to bring things to my attention...like when I contradicted myself...hated when she did that! She is usually pretty gentle but if I need to be called out, she will do it.

I think I point out my own issues, I know what they are; it's pretty obvious...but the question is am I ready to change them and the answer is usually no because I am getting something from holding on to that behavior...so it's a bit complicated when it's smack in your face but you don't know how to let it go yet (something I am just starting to work on in therapy.)

Originally Posted by lost_key

I think I point out my own issues, I know what they are; it's pretty obvious...but the question is am I ready to change them and the answer is usually no because I am getting something from holding on to that behavior...so it's a bit complicated when it's smack in your face but you don't know how to let it go yet (something I am just starting to work on in therapy.)

Ack, I hate that question: what are you getting out of this? Or what are you getting from this relationship?

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Ack, I hate that question: what are you getting out of this? Or what are you getting from this relationship?

I hate it, too! My ex-T used to always say, "What does this/that mean to you?" He got more blak stares than answers, promise you that!
I did just end a lame dating relationship on my own without any pushing...one of my Ts (I see two) had said, "Well, you're not going to marry the guy...you'll end it when you're ready." I thought he was giving me a lot of credit, but I guess he was right.
Another thing I am holding on to is big and scary and I have been letting go (as I can) in small stages because sometimes ripping the band-aid off quickly is not a good idea. I came to my first T in shock and grieving over it, and he has let me grieve and obsess as needed...it was a huge loss in my life (we have talked about it now, and partly he knew if he handled it any other way, I was TOTALLY out of there).