[unlockingsanity]

I literally wasted my session by not talking today.

The whole freaking session.

Even though my T has never been anything but understanding and empathetic, I can't bear to tell him how much I've been struggling.

I know if I was reading this, I'd encourage the person to talk to their T about what is going on.

I'm scared, though. My former T thought my struggling episodes were purposely attention seeking. Now I'm scared to ever admit that I'm having a hard time because I feel like it screams "give me attention...look at me...pity me..." etc.

The result is that I withdraw and it gets worse. I don't know what to do. I feel like I lose either way.

Unlock I definately get where you're coming from. My first 'rodeo' was like that..as was my second...and third. Until this past week when I finally couldn't deal with it anymore and had to admit what was going on and take a chance I would be LISTENED to..not just heard.

I have a suggestion....write down your concerns...including this one, that you will be thought of as just seeking attention. Number them from most important to least...and give it to your T on the next visit. That way, you'll give him the direction he needs to help you, but you're still in control.

I hope that helps (((hugs)))

[skeksi]

Ugh, I hate those silent sessions! I grow more and more frustrated with myself as they progress and at the end I always just want a "do-over."

What helps me is mentally composing a few-sentence summary of what I WANTED to say, and the next session I go in and rattle it off without even looking at T, just so it's out there. Like, "I couldn't talk last week but I'm having a hard time lately, and I am afraid to tell you because you might dismiss it like my old T did."

I also have been known to tell T, "I need you to ask me some questions to get this out."

Hang in there.

[growlithing]

I ended up writing her a letter once and giving it to her. It ultimately was really helpful to her and I didn't have to stress out about how to tell her things.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by unlockingsanity

I feel like I lose either way.

Can you maybe look at it a third way at least, like it is a continuum (saying nothing/shutting down. . . . .to. . . . .attention seeking) and consider "ways" of expressing one's struggling?

This T has not experienced your struggling, has not yet and may not respond the same way/negatively as the other T. What T's say is their opinion too, not "fact" or good/bad, but best thought of as "information" for you to use.

If you feel embarrassed or upset by something a T says, like that what you say/do is considered attention seeking, ask for clarification (as if for someone else). "In what way do you consider that attention seeking, I do not understand?" could lead you to better tell the difference between what that person/T considers attention seeking and your own idea of it. The less personally you can take the material you are talking about, your thoughts, feelings, and behavior (everyone has similar), the easier it is to talk about and figure out how you "tick" so you can better direct your behavior in ways you find more helpful to yourself.

Unlocking. I could have written that in my early therapy days.
T says sometimes its a way of communicating an experience we haven't yet found words for.
As times goes on, together words are put to the experience.