[ThisWayOut]

A t I saw very briefly bad mentioned not wanting to see me get to reliant on therapy and Not wanting me to identify myself with being a client. I dismissed it at the time as I actually have a really difficult time identifying as a client. There power of suggestion stays with me though, and now I wonder if I'm relyig to much on therapy to help me get through the days? Until last week's early termination with the t I had been seeing since January, I had been seeing him twice to 3 times a week for the last few months for crisis stabilization. The new t I was set up with only has offered once a week sessions. I find myself getting anxious about the extra days in between session. My emotions are still a crazy mess, but not as bad as they had been recently. This new t questions the plan my old t and I had to get me to a higher level of care (php or iop) once disability kicked in. Instead of being able to explain to her what had been going on at the time, I found myself swollowing hard and smiling through the intake. Almost immediately after session (and all until the next one) I find myself crashing and needing extra support. I'm beginning to wonder if it's all just a panic reaction to not having the extra support? I would likely be referred out if I needed the extra help, and I have not been able to admit to her that I need/want it (I say "want" because I seem to be coping ok out off fear of having to find someone else to see. And I have a lot of problems being ok with being too needy).
I struggle through the days and find myself turning to other negative coping mechanisms (taking my sleep meds during the day also or drinking a lot to keep from feeling too bad instead of the cutting and suicidal thinking that had been going on recently). I spend a lot of time trying to figure out how and what I could get my hands on that would turn off my brain. I am hesitant to tell her. I don't like changing therapists, and I just started with her 2 weeks ago, but I like her better than the other therapist I had tried at this clinic before D left.
Am I just really identifying with the client roll right now? Or am I legitimately needing the support? I still have a lot of flashbacks, but I'm not self harming as much or suicidal as often. The depression still also hits hard, but I'm not turning as much to my negative coping right now. Do I just suck it up and continue at once a week? Or do I risk having this conversation with her only to determine that I need to find yet another new therapist because they can't accommodate more sessions in a week at this center? (It's a sexual assault counseling center that my old t thought would be good to try. We have not yet started the processing of all that stuff. She focused on skill building in the first session after the intake. <--that's a whole other trigger I need to work on).
I'm so confused and unsure of everything right now and I don't see her until Wednesday. I'm totally dreading the next 2.5 days that I have to get through. I dunno.

[growlycat]

If you need help then you need help. I am wary of T's that verbalize "too dependent" concerns. Good therapy allows you to be dependent for a time so you can grow stronger.

Glad you have a new T!! Yes, communicate any concerns you have--they can't help if they don't know the extent of the problem.

You deserve the care that you need, no need to second guess yourself.

[Littlemeinside]

If feel you are in pain and need help, why not. However I do agree that it is easy to take on an " identity" as a client and become dependent on T

Some say that the goal of therapy, is when you leave your T without a job..becuase you can provide whatever T did on your own

That doesn´t happen over night. You seem to be aware, so just relax and get the support you need, at this point i your life.

Thers a goal and then theres the whole journey getting there

Take care.

[MoxieDoxie]

I have an inner child that NEEDS nurturing and attention. I function soo much better when I see T twice a week. I find I can manage once a week every now and then when I can email him in between. Sometimes just knowing support IS there for you can help. I despise that overwhelming needy feeling. I can not make myself feel better. I need someone else to make me feel better. I need reassurance. Some weeks I feel more like an adult and can take care of myself but then there are those days....

[tinyrabbit]

Personally I'm a big believer in Ts meeting you where you are, not where you "should" be. Identifying as being in therapy, and emotionally holding onto my therapist, are what I need right now. Okay, in the future it would be good not to be so focused on that, but that's the future.

I think offering once a week is pretty standard at first and there's no shame at all in saying you're worried you won't cope. When I asked to see another T in the break, I thought my T, and the interim one I'm seeing, would think I was pathetic. They didn't. They thought it was good self-care. Are you sure you would be referred out if you wanted more sessions? Why is that? Could you talk to your T about coping skills for in between sessions?

It sounds to me like you are legitimately needing support. Flashbacks, depression, SI, sui feelings - that's not over-identifying with any role, that's needing support. I suggest you talk to your T and ask if there's any kind of extra support available or, if not, can you work on coping skills to help you between sessions. I know you mentioned that's a trigger but maybe there's a way of doing it that would help?

[precious things]

I don't see how you can be this new into a therapist and not have all the "client role" needs come up. I go twice a week and if I suddenly had to start seeing a new T next week, I would be freaking out about the change in support. Maybe you are in a better place due to the access you had to therapy, cutting back seems like a legitimate fear to me.

I hope you can have a meaningful discussion with her about this- these are the kinds of talks that always seem to help the therapeutic relationship.

[ThisWayOut]

Thanks all. I think I will try to bring it up with her this week. She is not the one that brought up being concerned that I may over-identify with being a client, that was the other therapist at this center whom I did not click with.
The new T seems to be more along the lines of a CBT therapist. I apparently have the same trigger response to all behaviorally-centered therapies (at least so far) due to some really bad experiences with DBT a few times over. I think I need to talk to her about that too. I find I really need some time to process things as well as work on the skills.

I think part of me is associating what the other T had said with this one because they are in the same clinic. I really don't know her or the clinic well enough to know if it's company policy or an individual clinician thing. I tend to be overly-cautious about pushing boundaries and being too needy. The other therapist set some boundaries that I have carried over to this new one without really knowing if they are also boundaries for her. I should probably have that conversation with her. I feel like I have way too much to talk about each session and we don't get to everything.

I was ok with therapy once a week before I moved back here. Being faced daily with all these triggers makes it hard. Maybe what the other T had said about over-identifying with the client role was unfounded for me?That comment just makes it so much harder to ask for more help again...

[purplejell]

I don't know how the sexual assault center you mentioned works... my only worry would be that sometimes when I've gone for counselling at an agency focussed on a specific issue, that sometimes it is more time-limited and not as comprehensive... That they might want to focus more on skills, and on that particular issue. For me, sometimes I felt like they didn't understand the severity of everything that was happening (I've had similar issues with self-harm, sui, etc.). So it might be good to ask some questions about what to expect from this therapist (her approach, frequency of sessions, crisis support), and if you don't think she can support you the way you need, it might be good to know that now, early in the process as it would be harder to change things later.