Called T an idiot

I don't believe there is a right or wrong to an opinion and I don't believe someone can be wrong and ourselves right when they are talking about themselves and what they think, feel, or believe. It is like judging one's self for a thought or feeling when we cannot control our thoughts and feelings only what we do with them. For me, hating is giving the other person control, they matter more to me (I'm continuing to think about them) and I'm spending energy on hating them.

Poppy, you say you did not like this therapist in the first place, why did you keep seeing her?

I think therapists in general work under the idea that people who hurt people are doing so because they have been hurt. I don't think therapists then dismiss any actions or consequences that result. If Ts can't separate the action from the individual then I'm not sure they could ever consult meaningful therapy. Though not on the level of child molesting, I've done some horrible things that my T could have written me off as a bad person or undeserving for doing. As patients, we want and need our Ts to look at our negative behavior patterns and recognize that they are born of our hurt and neg life experiences. It's absolutely necessary.
I think it's great that your T can even separate the actions of the child-molester from the individual that may never had become so if it were not for his negative life experience. In my opinion, that means your T has mastered that Kenneth-jerk reaction that we lay people experience and sometimes less qualified or disciplined Ts experience.

Hate takes a lot of energy. To hate someone, usually means somewhere you cared for them. I may hate my mother, because it's such an extreme emotion, only someone close to me/should have been close to me is someone I am willing to poor so much emotion/energy into such as a hate.

This is why I think she may have said she does not "hate" them. Who has energy for such hate?

When we are talking about something like child abuse, there is no excuse that justifies hurting a child. Even if you have a serious mental illness, you have a responsibility to get help and keep it in check before you hurt anyone.

I also think you had a right to feel the way you did about your T's statement and react the way you did. I can certainly see where you would interpret it like that.

Unconditional love is bad in my opinion. If I'm with someone who abuses me and I love him in spite of that, that is not good. I need to be able to stop loving someone when they hurt me in order to protect myself. However, unconditional hate isn't the answer either.

I have not experienced CSA, but I have experienced other forms of child abuse. I speak from experience when I say that it is important to forgive someone who abused you. Not for the abuser's sake. I don't owe my abusers forgiveness or anything, but I owe it to myself to forgive them.

Forgiveness isn't saying that what they did is okay, it means that you are letting go of the anger you have inside of you towards that person. Anger is a consuming emotion. When you hold that kind of hatred and bitterness in your heart, you become an angry, bitter person. You become consumed with your rage and it affects every aspect of who you are as a person. Forgiving that person lets that rage go and leaves you free to live despite what happened.

I haven't figured out how to forgive my abusers yet probably because I haven't had enough distance from them yet, so I don't totally know how to let it go. But I do know that part of forgiving is trying to understand why they did what they did and separating their actions from who they are as a person. I don't believe there are people who are all good and people who are all bad. I think humans are not that black and white. Loving an imperfect person unconditionally is unwise just as hating an imperfect person unconditionally is unwise.

So I think I agree with your T for the most part or I can at least see where's she's coming from. But that's just my opinion and you are free to disagree with me. Hope it made sense.

Like another poster, I had the opposite reaction when my T told me that he treats sexual offenders, and does not hate them or judge them. He hates and is horrified by what they do, but doesn't hate the PERSON because he sees what that person did in the overall context of the person's life. If he can hear about things a sexual offender does without being horrified by the person or rejecting the person, then certainly nothing I say will cause him to refer me elsewhere for treatment.

In reading some of the replies, I had some additional thoughts.
My response was without regard to forgiveness, love or responsibility. I'm saying that Ts are educated and trained to recognize that district ice behaviors are borne almost invariably from previous neg life experiences and hurt. In understanding this, they are better able to keep their own emotional judgements in check, while allowing their professional judgements to be paramount. I don't think it's necessarily fair to assume by being able to have some professional understanding of the possible origin of ANYONE'S actions, including a CM, that it also stands to reason that the T excuses, forgives, or even completely understands their motivation.

As for "ALL we are is our actions" I truly hope that's not true for anyone. I hope that who I am (or at least will be) is someone that when I do find myself having taken some action that I later regret or hurts someone else, I can take full responsibility and face whatever consequences that I've earned. If all my bad actions from the past means I'm a bad person now, then I might as well quit therapy because I'm already defined.

These are my thoughts. Mind you, I'm bat-s**t crazy... Lol

I'd like to mention that I'm in therapy against my will. Its my wifes desire that I continue therapy but I hate it.

Therapy is usually not as effective when one is "forced". I would hate it too if I were made to go against my will. There are other ways to work on things besides therapy. Maybe a middle ground would be finding what that could be instead of feeling forced into something you hate.

I'd find it difficult to work with someone if I immediately hated going in the first place.

I don't really know what else there is to do. I honestly just wish she would get off the whole therapy idea. Its supposed to be for depression but therapy doesn't help me with that.

I don't like therapy either. There are days I abhor it!!!! It goes against who I am at my core to be so open with anyone. That being said, I am there because I chose it. I guess I do so because I'm 38 years old and have sent my whole life in and out of miserable debilitating states and I'm at the point where I know if I don't figure this thing out, I'll enter into one of my episodes and I may never come out.
I tell you this because it might be worth figuring out if you hate it because it sucks or because you feel like you're being made to go.
In a sense, many of us feel forced by circumstances but that's different then feeling forced by an individual. I tend to believe the latter might make real therapeutic progress very difficult. Especially if you already tend to buck when you feel manipulated. (:

I hate it because its just not for me. I hate talking to these people. They're as far from me as possible. I'd really just don't want to go. I also don't want to disappoint my wife which makes it hard

i am a CSA survivor....the abuser was my father. this is a very hard topic for me.
My T has responded in similar ways to what your T said......AFTER I expressed confusion for wanting to love my dad but feeling like I shouldnt and having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact of what he did and accepting it as abuse. I remember the dad that helped me so many nights with my homework, I remember the dad that practiced and played sports with me and helped me get better, but I also remember this other side of that dad that was creepy and inappropriate. Its very confusing. Maybe im not in the norm because I struggle with allowing anger....with allowing myself to be angry at him. or to hate him. Ive suffered so much because of his actions but ive also succeeded in a lot of ways because of him too. Its crazy making really.

I dont know where im going with this but felt like i should respond. My T always tells me.....your dad will always be your dad...you can love him but hate what he did to you. If you choose to have or not have a relationship with him thats your choice. If you forgive him but dont want a relationship with him thats fine too. Forgiveness is more meant for you to move on. Whatever your choice is...there's no right or wrong...its about what is best for you to move on and be healthy.

I hated therapy too and if you ask me they are all idiots and I applaud you for telling yours how you felt!