[Poppy Princess]

I was making an example of self vs accomplishment. I said "a child molester might write the greatest novel in the world. We'd still hate him though".
She said "well I don't know about that". She said how she might hate what he did but not him himself. I said "sorry, I didn't know you were an Idiot." I still think she is.

I don't think I can work with someone I consider an idiot.

[precious things]

As an abuse survivor I can't even begin to respond, but I could no longer work with this T.

[growlycat]

Her response was pretty callous to you, if you ever had csa yourself. Love your response!!!!

[Poppy Princess]

I'm going to change therapists. This woman has always bothered me.

Originally Posted by Poppy Princess

I'm going to change therapists. This woman has always bothered me.

Good for you! And that response would have bothered the hell out of me. I thought Ts were supposed to think before they spoke even if no one else does, but have been proven wrong on several occasions myself.

[IndieVisible]

Originally Posted by Poppy Princess

I was making an example of self vs accomplishment. I said "a child molester might write the greatest novel in the world. We'd still hate him though".
She said "well I don't know about that". She said how she might hate what he did but not him himself. I said "sorry, I didn't know you were an Idiot." I still think she is.

I don't think I can work with someone I consider an idiot.

Good for you!

[wotchermuggle]

Probably inappropriate, but I chuckled at your reaction. Did she take it well?

Is your therapist Christian? I know sometimes the focus is hate the sin not the sinner and I'm wondering if that was her mindset.

Good for you in standing up for yourself.

[Poppy Princess]

No, she said she wasn't big on God. I remember that.

I just want people to know that I'm not a victim of child abuse myself. I was offended by her ignorance of real pain and misery though. Unconditional love is a poison. We should know how to hate as much as we should know how to love. It's a combination of love and hate that makes us protect our loved ones. You should hate all those who would seek to harm your loved ones.

[Fixated]

I understand your reaction, but I think that mentality is very common in psychology. How else could there be prison therapists, etc.

Not saying it's right, but finding the good in someone is kinda pivotal to their whole profession.

[Poppy Princess]

Which is why it can be a silly profession. Some people just don't have good in them.

[A Red Panda]

I think that everyone has good in them.

But I don't think that the good always outweighs the bad.

In regards to a child molester? They may have a lot of horrible things happen in their life and a lot of issues. I can feel compassion for them in that regards. Does that compassion outweigh the outrage that I would feel about the crimes they committed? No. I would still very much abhor them for what they had done to a child and would not forgive them for it.

Maybe your T meant something like that and expressed it HORRIBLY. But she might very well have to work, or has worked, with child molesters before and as a therapist she would have had to tap in to the compassion that CAN be felt for their past and their issues.

[Poppy Princess]

You have a good point. Still, when one becomes what hurt them in the first place they lose a right to sympathy. I know plenty of people who were abused as children and never touched a child. It's a very poor excuse.

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by Fixated

I understand your reaction, but I think that mentality is very common in psychology. How else could there be prison therapists, etc.

Not saying it's right, but finding the good in someone is kinda pivotal to their whole profession.

And knowing when to keep their opinions to themselves is also kinda pivotal. Sure, Ts need to see the good in people and all that, but does a survivor really need to hear this?

Originally Posted by Poppy Princess

You have a good point. Still, when one becomes what hurt them in the first place they lose a right to sympathy. I know plenty of people who were abused as children and never touched a child. It's a very poor excuse.

I heard the stats on this - survivors who turn into perps - aren't very reliable. Firstly, some perps claim to have been victims to get the sympathy vote. Secondly, it doesn't make any sense if you think about it. The majority of child molesters are male (though I am absolutely not ignoring the experience of people who have been molested by women, let me be clear on that). But the majority of victims are female.

[A Red Panda]

Originally Posted by Poppy Princess

You have a good point. Still, when one becomes what hurt them in the first place they lose a right to sympathy. I know plenty of people who were abused as children and never touched a child. It's a very poor excuse.

Oh definitely. If I was in a situation where I was in contact with a child molestor who HAD been abused? My sympathy would be dwarfed by my anger and they certainly wouldn't hear about any of the sympathy - it would be so small in comparison to my anger.

There's NEVER a good reason to abuse someone. Ever. There's never a legitimate excuse for it - it's wrong and it's so widely KNOWN as being wrong that it's only a willfull ignorance if someone chooses to think that it's ok to abuse someone.

I"m sorry about this It was insensitive of her. Just my personal opinion but for a therapist it would be risky to make judgmental statements about people, because of the nature of their job. If word got out that a therapist labeled someone as 'evil' she might lose her clients. It is very likely that your therapist has the same opinion about this abuser as you (that he is a bad person) but she wouldn't admit it to your face because in his capacity as a professional therapist she has to remain neutral / politically correct.

[refika]

You are much more reserved than I would have been. I would have called her much worse than an idiot. Then again, I come from an abusive background.

I think she exercised poor judgment in how she conveyed her point. Even if she doesn't "hate" child molesters, she could be more tactful in how she expresses or talks about her feelings toward them, especially in a client setting such as the one you described.

I"m glad you're finding another therapist if she makes you that uncomfortable and on edge.

[pbutton]

My gut reaction would probably be to go the other way with it. If T can find a way to have an open mind and empathy for a child molester, then I bet it's really easy for him to find a way to do the same for someone like me.

[Poppy Princess]

I didn't lose my temper but I was very cold. We talked about me finding a new T. She said, "Well, I'd miss you if you did." I responded, "But I would not be missing you."

Fact is that I didn't like her in the first place. I would have been severely hurt by her remark if I had liked her. It, however, only re-enforced a negative opinion I already had of her.

[Poppy Princess]

Originally Posted by pbutton

My gut reaction would probably be to go the other way with it. If T can find a way to have an open mind and empathy for a child molester, then I bet it's really easy for him to find a way to do the same for someone like me.

Maybe it's because I don't need sympathy as desperately as you seem to

[SkinnySoul]

Originally Posted by Poppy Princess

Unconditional love is a poison.

Make sure you remember that line when you ask for unconditional love for yourself.

I believe it was rude of you to call her an idiot. She had a different opinion than you and you should respect it the way she respects yours.

Unconditional love is not a poison, hate is. Unconditional love can even turn a beast(e.g. child molester) into an actual human being. You shouldn't be so quick to dismiss it.

Just to clarify the situation here, I'm not defending child molesters. I just wonder how different your attitude would be towards a criminal if he was your brother for example.

[Poppy Princess]

I easily hate my own family. I despise my mother for less than being a child molester. What makes you think I ask for unconditional love? Did I say I wanted it? I would rather that someone look me over and choose to love me based on my thoughts and actions. Observe and report. No, I'll never want unconditional love for myself. I'd rather be hated than loved based on that silly concept.

Your accusations are empty.

[SkinnySoul]

Originally Posted by Poppy Princess

No, I'll never want unconditional love for myself.

Never say never, girl...

Our actions are controlled not only by our intellect, but by our soul and feelings as well; and those two are easily distorted by mental illnesses. A criminal can either be a bad person, or a very very ill person. Would you hate both people just because you hate what they did?
It seems like you don't want to distinguish a person from his actions. Do you want to explain to me why?

Also, the only thing I accused you for is being rude to your T. Saying that you might need unconditional love for yourself was not an accusation. I'm sorry you see it that way, it's really sad...

[Poppy Princess]

Mental illness is everyone's favorite excuse. People can always choose to do the right thing. A line from the film Batman Begins sums what I'm saying rather nicely.

It's not who I am underneath... but what I do that defines me.

It's our actions alone that define us. A child molester will be defined by his actions alone. I don't care how nice he was, is, or will be. He is forever defined by his failure to be a good person. This is natural selection.

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by Poppy Princess

Maybe it's because I don't need sympathy as desperately as you seem to

LOL Yep, that's totally me, Mrs. Sensitive. Hysterical.

[tinyrabbit]

Unconditional love is about a feeling, but that doesn't mean unconditional acceptance. Let's just be clear on that.

Originally Posted by SkinnySoul

I believe it was rude of you to call her an idiot. She had a different opinion than you and you should respect it the way she respects yours.

She's a T. She can take it. I don't think this is about respecting each other's opinions. It's about a T saying the wrong thing and a client rightly feeling aggrieved by it.