Appt w/ T tomorrow

Hi-

Another T rant.

I have an appt w/ T tomorrow and I am thinking maybe I should go in looking like I do right now, or what I wear when I walk the dog....Old T shirt, scrubs (I am in shorts now, but the germ phobe in me does not want my skin touching furniture), sneakers, hair washed 4 days ago, pulled back off of my face.

As in other posts I HAVE to tell her or write the list and give it to her about what I NEED , and what my mental state is. Vision boards , too much, thought logs, forget it! How about addressing the paralyzing anxiety???

Even the lady from the county MH advised me to tell her and if I could not, she would intervene.

UUGGHH/
Thanks for listening.

Maybe it's time for a new T. One that can work with you better. Or maybe your meds need adjusting. Have you spoke to your pdoc about your anxiety? Hope it gets better for you soon.

Clearly you are very stressed. If there is something you are not ready for, I hope your T will understand that and not press it.

Hi-

I see the pdoc next week. I see T in 5 hours...so I am thinking, do not wash my hair, put on scrubs and whatever shirt, sneakers, and let her see me the way I really am. I went out to the dog wash place like this yesterday...not that anyone wears anything NICE to self bath their dog...I end up getting soaked.

I really only love my dog, miss my other dog I had to PTS 3 years ago...I cannot connect w/ people.

Oh, T has said things like "your mother is old and she will die soon, screw her.". "I know it does not feel fair that everyone else is married and you are not, but at least you learned what not to do as a parent". I cannot have children. My neuro disease ended that yrs ago, so what is she talking about?? I never want to parent anyone's kids. I do not even think I would date someone w/ children whom are young or middle school aged...not that I am ready to date anyway.

Sorry to ramble...My mind is racing.

That does seem insensitive.

Well I thought so, after all it was our 2nd session when she said the thing abouut my Mom. My Mom did cause a lotof chidhood trauma, but that is not my ONLY problem.

I did go in "as is". She said she KNEW where I was , blh, blab, blah....But then she askedif I added a guy to the vision board. I just said who I thought was cute that was a TV?movie star and she said she did not knwo who that was. ...he is married anyway...she should leave the guy thing alone.