Walked out on DBT but going back

I had another appointment with my T a week and a half ago; I told her I didn't want another one but she emailed me and said it would be a good idea to have a last one before I go into the DBT study. She was right. She told me we are just taking a break and she would see me again.
I told her I was scared I would forget how she looked like. Anyways, it was a good appointment and she was right, it was good to process everything.
So this Tuesday I was supposed to have my intake for the DBT study. I got to the hospital (it's a big research hospital) and I went to find the study coordinator, who gave me a packet with info about the study and led me to the waiting room. She told me the doctor would be out to meet me in 20 minutes (I was 10 minutes early.) Well, lo and behold, the Neuroscience unit, or whatever it's called where the study takes place, is right across the hall from the Eating Disorders Unit, which is my where my T works!!! I guess that is how she found out about the study, but I was so surprised. I guess there is a chance I might see T walking around in her work environment, which is really terrifying, even though I do want to see her.
Anyways, I was sitting in the waiting room and the doctor was late. I was starting to get really nervous reading the packet with all the info in it, so I got up and left. I walked right out of the waiting room and out of the hospital without telling anyone. I got a voicemail a little later from the research coordinator saying the doctor had been looking for me for 20 minutes and couldn't find me and asking if I had gone to the restroom or to get some food; she said to call her back. I emailed her that night and apologized for walking out and asked if I could have another appointment. She emailed me back and said I can have another appointment.
So take two is next Wednesday. I just really hope I get in the DBT group (6 months) and not the medication group (1 year). I miss my T, and I know I can't really contact her, although I was thinking that when I send her the check once my insurance money comes through, or when she emails me the bill, I might send her a short note telling her how I am doing. I don't think she'd mind. It is also nice to know I will be in the same place as T, she will most likely be across the hall from me, even if I don't see her. So it doesn't feel like good-bye.
What worries me is I haven't been eating; I feel sluggish and I know i need my energy for the job search, but I just don't feel like eating. I am nervous I may be redeveloping an eating disorder. It's too bad I don't have money, b/c then I could pay to see T and a DBT person, but I need to finish this study in order to go back to T. I miss her and I want to ask her what to do about the not eating (I've lost more than ten pounds), but I can't.

Sorry this was so long, but it helps me to write things out here. I appreciate anyone who reads this and comments, it is really helpful.

((Franki))

It takes courage to go back. Well done!