[Asiablue]

My aimless wondering today are....

Do men get maternal/paternal transference? On this board i've seen lots and lots of women who talk about experience wishing their therapist was their mom or dad and that being such a strong wish for them, lots says they've found mommy or daddy figures all thru their lives every since they were little kids.

But i've never heard a man talk about it. Is it less common for men/boys to do that or is it just that less men admit to it?

I think we have poster/s on this forum that demonstrates they do.

Great post Asia, I will look forward to hearing from the oposite sex. I have never heard any of them post about maternal transference.

[tinyrabbit]

I'm interested to know this too.

Maybe men are more likely to sexualise transference feelings? Not to generalise or stereotype... although...! I just remember something they used to tell us as teenagers at school: 'girls want love, boys want sex'... (dunno how true that is, I'm not blind to why they might have told us that )

I think it would be fair to say that a lot of men have mommy issues and have resentment towards women in general. No offense to any lovley men out there, it has just been my experience with men- not all of course but certainly a lot.
Usually I get asked out by the strangest men, who don't know I am gay.

[boredporcupine]

I have wondered about this, too. My H has seen at least 3 different T's over the last 7 years and he to my knowledge never attached to any of them nor developed any noticeable transference. He doesn't seem to miss them during breaks nor have any strong reactions to anything they say or do.

However, he is *extremely* attached to ME and I have seen ALL KINDS of transference from him coming out in our relationship. He has (at times) pretty extreme reactions to stuff I do. For example, one time he bit his lip by accident and because I simply asked him if he was OK (instead of getting up and running over to him) he told me he could have been dying and I wouldn't have cared less

My theory is we often develop transference and attachment to our T's because they are giving us something other people in our lives aren't. Maybe it's the unconditional acceptance, or the undivided attention, care, empathy, etc. If you think about gender roles in our society, it can be a LOT easier to get those things from a woman than a man (on average). So the average heterosexual male can more easily get from a romantic partner what the average heterosexual female often has to get from a T (plus the males are also getting sex and physical affection thrown in from their partners!)

I don't know if more men sexualize transference or not in general, but I imagine it might be true, also.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by boredporcupine

I have wondered about this, too. My H has seen at least 3 different T's over the last 7 years and he to my knowledge never attached to any of them nor developed any noticeable transference. He doesn't seem to miss them during breaks nor have any strong reactions to anything they say or do.

However, he is *extremely* attached to ME and I have seen ALL KINDS of transference from him coming out in our relationship. He has (at times) pretty extreme reactions to stuff I do. For example, one time he bit his lip by accident and because I simply asked him if he was OK (instead of getting up and running over to him) he told me he could have been dying and I wouldn't have cared less

My theory is we often develop transference and attachment to our T's because they are giving us something other people in our lives aren't. Maybe it's the unconditional acceptance, or the undivided attention, care, empathy, etc. If you think about gender roles in our society, it can be a LOT easier to get those things from a woman than a man (on average). So the average heterosexual male can more easily get from a romantic partner what the average heterosexual female often has to get from a T (plus the males are also getting sex and physical affection thrown in from their partners!)

I don't know if more men sexualize transference or not in general, but I imagine it might be true, also.

I think men are more easily able to compartmentalise feelings too. So what happens in therapy stays in therapy unlike women who tend to see things as being connected or as a whole. This could be a vast generalisation i have no idea. But the thing about gender roles and sexualising things are very good points.

Wonder if any men can shed some more light on this for us?

Yes, I have some maternal transference towards my T. It used to be sexual, but I know that's a no go, so I may have forced it to be parental. I also have paternal feelings, like I'm a father to this t despite her being older.

Also, you can find a therapist sexually attractive without it being transference. Men are more likely to do this.