[Asiablue]

When i first started therapy 4 years ago with my first therapist i was so quiet, inhibited and well behaved. And i've noticed now that i'm newly onto my 3rd therapist (only 2 session in) that i'm more myself and also less myself. I am a bit of a brat at times, i distrust therapists after a bad experience, i'm scared to attach to any anymore. Been there done that.

I approached my therapy in the beginning i guess very much in injured child mode, which probably made me more likeable to therapists and right now i am def more in obnoxious teen mode behaviour wise. This attitude i have no idea where it has come from, i used to be nice and fairly reasonable. Now i challenge boundaries and am smart-mouthed and street-smart almost (in therapy terms). But just with therapists. It's like they just piss me off. I think it has come from being terminated by a T i loved, being let down and severely hurt by her.

Has anyone else noticed an evolution of personality due to several different therapists?

[precious things]

Now that I am older and wiser I no longer feel the need to play games with the therapist. For me, I look back in regret the years I might have received the help I needed had I allowed myself to be real and not hide. I now bring all of me,including the raw wounded parts to the table in hopes of a better life.

[Asiablue]

I'm not aware of playing games. I just find it really difficult to connect to anyone anymore.

[boredporcupine]

I guess I had a somewhat similar experience to you. I think I jumped in the deep end really fast with my first T. Then after things fell apart with her, I took things much slower with my current T. I think it's OK to bring your mistrust to session with you, and to take your time deciding how much to trust.

Asia,
I am glad you started this thread as I have been wondering the same thing recently. The further into my therapy I get the harder I find it to connect to others. I notice my personality has changed dramactically and on the outside I have hardened. I have built barriers and sometimes I wish I could unlearn all that I have learned and go back to the old likeable me I was pre therapy.
T and I have talked about this and she said that I am going through a transition period where I am settling into my new self and others are having to adjust to the new me- some may like it and others won't but the ones who stick around are true friends because they see that I am changing for the better(even though it doens't feel like it).
Its a lonely road that not many walk on, the road of self analysis.
SO far I have had three different therapists in just over three years and with the last two I have changed the most. They encourage the change in me and want me to be the person I was born to be and not what society wants me to be.

Also, you were betrayed by your first t, its only natural that you test the waters and misbehave, maybe you just haven't found the right t yet but there is one for everyone
I hope this t passes all of your tests and sticks around for you this time.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

Has anyone else noticed an evolution of personality due to several different therapists?

You've grown. And isn't that the point?

[precious things]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

I'm not aware of playing games. I just find it really difficult to connect to anyone anymore.

I meant me... Sorry if you thought I was referring to you

And game-playing may have been a poor choice of words as I never tried fool or be deceptive...in my younger years my experience w Ts were that THEY had to break down my walls or defenses, now I am more willing to let that guard stand back.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

You've grown. And isn't that the point?

Yes, it's exactly the point, thank you. In some ways, in real life it really has been for the better, i am less reactive to things, i allow people to make mistakes and realise they're just human or they just have different ideals from me and that is all ok, there's no absolute rights or wrongs, should's or shouldn'ts . I'm generally more tolerant and accepting of situations.

I'm a little bit kinder to myself. I realise i don't have to be perfect. I realise now everyone has vulnerabilities and people's behaviour reflect that. And also that i don't have to own other people's behaviour or attitude towards me, it's not always my fault if someone is annoyed with me or doesn't like me.

I am learning that it is ok to take people who aren't good for me out my life.

I guess the further into therapy i get the more i'm realising that no therapist is perfect either, they are not angels sent from above to save me, they are not some sentient beings of extreme virtue who will never hurt me. I think with my first T i threw myself in heart and soul believing 100% that she knew what she was doing and it turned out she didn't really and i got hurt.

Maybe i'm dealing with the reality that it really is all down to me now, that there is no quick fix, there is no all knowing therapist to lead me to happiness and healing and that really I need to do it for myself. I need to be wary of who i trust and that includes therapist. What is it they say? The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off? Yeah i think i'm there.

I guess therapy is about deconstructing my old personality - the bits that don't work for me anymore and now trying to work on building a personality with stronger foundations. And it feels vulnerable and confusing and like i'm not sure who i am or who i'll become and if i'll like the finished product, or if others will like the finished product....