running away from T and attatchment

I have asked over and over again for reassurance from T as far as him not abandoning me and reassuring me he is in this for the long haul. I have asked it a lot more recently, I think just b/c of the of the trauma work we were doing and needing to know that he is going to up in leave in the midst of all of this.

Since last week after I reminded T that we are going on 2 years of therapy together he said, yay you are right and paused for a second.. and move on from there. But- since I was afraid that maybe two years in too long, or I have not made enough progress and afraid he is going to kick me to the curb. So, today before I left.. I just asked if there was some kind of time limit he puts on clients.. lol, he laughed, smiled, and said something like you have asked me this before. Then said, he saw somebody that morning who he had been seeing for 13 years.. and said, he will see me until I get better. Reassuring, right???

Not me- for some reason, I find myself wanting to flee from T, and from our work together. After asking for all of this reassurance, I am the one who wants to jump ship. Weird, right?

Not weird at all!
Intimacy is scary--we can yearn for it, but be careful what you wish for!!!!

Reminds me...years ago with main T I wanted a hug so badly but couldn't ask because a no would be devastating. But I had a session in which I had the biggest crying meltdown ever and he held me---I was terrified!! My brain said RUN! But it was what I most yearned for. Therapy can be confusing.

Sounds like you're running from feelings of ambivalence

Wow, just wow. I could have written this post word for word. I'm experiencing the same feelings and have had that same conversation with my therapist.

He assures me he isn't going anywhere. That if he was to let me go, he would have done it early on, not two years down the road.

Hugs to you!

The first word of your post made me cringe.. lol. You are right though, I can't put it into words, but that is what I long for (plutonic of course) and that is what I am getting. and it is scary, for sooooo many reasons.

I'm reminded of the Placebo song that goes "protect me from what I want".

It sounds very familiar to me so many mixed emotions get brought up regarding T ... wanting reassurance; terrified of being abandoned and yet wanting to run at the same time ... all muddled together