I was thinking about something this morning re T. I begun to journal (got out the habit) and what my writing led me to was how even after all these years with T, my unconscious is still trying to make the relationship the way it was with my mother.
I realised that T values me. Where as my only experience of being valued, if you can call it that, by my mother was whenever she was in a very rare moment, projecting a quality she wished to see in me. Normally I was just a receptical for all her rejected shadow aspects.
I would grab those small moments and run with it.
But like her negative projections into me, these other projections were about her too. They weren't mine.
I realise I'm still looking for T to mirror me narcissistically too.
When I saw this I saw the true relationship underneath that. Where T values the real me. I don't have to achieve anything. I don't have to 'fix' her fragile ego. She's whole with or without me.
As crazy as this sounds, I felt a little scared for a moment. When I first see through the fog you feel your riding a bike for the first time unaided. Until the real relationship comes to the fore.

And this is when you know the therapeutic relationship is real & working. When you see the old toxic relationships and than see the healthy life affirming relationship. If its not there, it can't be faked.

[Asiablue]

Amazing, thoughtful posting here. It's a strange feeling indeed to have someone in your life who sees you, the real you and doesn't need anything from you- disconcerting almost.

[tooski]

Wonderful insight. Hope I'll get there some day. Thanks for posting.