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I do want to tell her that I don't want to do it alone anymore. I want someone with me to help me.
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That, to me, is the nut of the situation. To (finally) have a safe, sane, caring, consistent guardian and guide through the deep parts of myself that I'm not able to negotiate alone.
One note on the asking for physical comfort or proximity: some T's do it, some don't. Mine doesn't, for reasons that have to do with me, not her, though she may not do it with other clients either, I don't know. Though I occasionally really want it, crave it, it is more important to me to keep certain boundaries rigid. That may be different for you. Just hold in mind that many therapists believe that physical boundaries should be strong, and that hugging might be okay but any escalation beyond that is not, or hugging isn't even ok (you just have to venture into the wilds of a "Hugs" thread here to see how incendiary and varied the topic of physical comfort is).
The most important thing to remember, in my opinion, is this: the majority of relational-style therapists are delighted by the kind of transference you are feeling and recognizing. It shows progress in the relationship and provides good material for work. The well-trained or experienced have fairly clear guidelines for themselves on how to negotiate that transference, including physical boundaries, and they maintain those boundaries for their own safety and the safety and health of their clients. If your T "rejects" some of your desires for closeness, it is NOT a rejection of you. It will hurt anyway, but hopefully the adult part of you can help the younger more vulnerable parts understand.
Sep 22, 2013, 12:25 AM
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.
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