Going to see my T tomorrow for the first time in about 4 months. The anxiety won't hit me full force until tomorrow morning when I am waiting in the waiting room but I am starting to feel it already. I don't know how to explain what has been going on these past few months, I want to completely open up and spill everything but I'm afraid I won't have the words. I want these walls to come down and I want to get help. Any advice?

[tealBumblebee]

Maybe you can write a raw letter tonight, don't correct/edit it - and just hand it to your T when you get there tomorrow? Or if thats too much, make a bullet list (again unedited) to hand to T so they can ask questions about each one, which will then require you to answer more about them? Or you could maybe go in and tell them immediately that you have a lot to tell them, but it feels like it may be difficult for you, so they can gently prod you? What works best for me is just a good venting email (and if they don't see it before you come they can always check it in session/print it and review it from there).

Good luck!! I hope you get out as much as you can in tomorrows session!

A letter is an excellent idea, I will try to figure out something tonight. Speaking my mind is so hard for me, especially under pressure that I freak out whenever I am put on the spot. A letter will give me a guideline of what he will already know then. Thanks for the suggestion

So I ended up combining the two and made a list letter (write bullet points but wrote a decent amount under each point). I gave it to him before I had even said 3 words because I was totally freaking out about it. I think he was surprised I actually did something like that because last time we met I had a ton of walls up. So now we have the beginnings of a plan, dealing with my anxiety first then the depression and ADHD. I keep reminding myself it's going to be alright and to breathe, the anxiety still hasn't calmed completely down yet. I'm kind of scared but not sure of what. Still can't believe I did it...