When I have interest of women outside of therapy I go cold with my T, when I feel alone I tend to feel more for her. Of course, I know she is a T and not a potential GF or someone I can pursue for sex. However I often feel like it's an emotional affair I'm having at least from my side of things. I'm quite sure she feels differently.

I guess the point is, therapy is addictive in that I'm getting some female attention, when I'm getting this elsewhere I feel I need the T less.

I suppose the question is, really am I wasting my time and going for the wrong reason?

Is that the only reason you go? Or are there other issues you work on (such as actually dealing with where those feelings of loneliness come from for example; just guessing here as I don't know what your issues are)? Perhaps that is what you need to decide.

I know I enjoy the company of my therapist. I use him sometimes just to vent about things that I feel most comfortable talking to him about. I think that's okay to have a safe person to bounce life up against. But I also have other issues that are the major reason I see him. So his companionship isn't my sole reason for going there. Does that make sense? I mean, I guess if you don't mind paying for your therapist just for companionship, that is certainly your prerogative. I don't think there are any hardfast rules there.

[IndestructibleGirl]

I think all you have outlined indicates you should stay in therapy - because if you were truly fulfilled and happy within yourself when single, I don't think you'd be drawn so much back to your therapist. I don't believe we need a partner to be complete. So if you feel like something's missing when you're single, for me that's worth working through in therapy, irrespective of whatever else may be going on.

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

Is that the only reason you go? Or are there other issues you work on (such as actually dealing with where those feelings of loneliness come from for example; just guessing here as I don't know what your issues are)? Perhaps that is what you need to decide.

I know I enjoy the company of my therapist. I use him sometimes just to vent about things that I feel most comfortable talking to him about. I think that's okay to have a safe person to bounce life up against. But I also have other issues that are the major reason I see him. So his companionship isn't my sole reason for going there. Does that make sense? I mean, I guess if you don't mind paying for your therapist just for companionship, that is certainly your prerogative. I don't think there are any hardfast rules there.

No I do have other issues to work through. But sometimes it gets lost in this, if that makes sense. Sometimes, I forget what I originally went to therapy for.

I'd like some more opinions on this. Don't care if they're a bit ruthless. My money is precious, and I want to know if what I'm doing is right. My feelings won't be hurt by responses here.

I just want the truth.

[Bill3]

Maybe it would be worthwhile to take a look at the Romantic Feelings for My Therapist sub-forum.

[FeelTheBurn]

Well, I'm not sure I can offer "truth." But I think Chris is on the right track. There are many reasons, on a day-to-day basis, why any of us show up for our sessions. Sometimes it's to do the deep stuff, sometimes because we need someone to talk to, sometimes it's because we're afraid our T will give us grief if we don't! And what we get out of each session can vary a great deal as well.

But if, as you say, your money is precious, I would want to be sure that you are getting something other than female companionship out of your sessions. As your thread title implies, there are more, let's say...thorough, ways to get paid companionship from a woman. And if that's all you're doing, why waste your time?

Is it possible you are focusing more on that aspect of your time with her in order to minimize her importance in your life? After all, if she's "just" another woman you spend time with, you're not vulnerable to some of the other ways she might impact your life, and you don't have to address the deeper issues you might touch on. Just a thought.

Only you can tell if you're getting what you want and need from therapy. In my opinion, simple companionship isn't worth the money. But that's your call, and only you can see within to be as "ruthless" as you need to be, to answer the question.

[yoyoism]

I feel like I do this, too. When I find another female to idolize, I'll pull away a little. But at the same time, I still really need her support. And it just makes everything a whole lot more complicated because on one hand, I DO need to get those feelings out and on the other hands, I'm like mehhhh. Therapy. Whatever.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Lycanthrope

I'd like some more opinions on this. Don't care if they're a bit ruthless. My money is precious, and I want to know if what I'm doing is right. My feelings won't be hurt by responses here.

I just want the truth.

unfortunately only you can say what is right or wrong for you....maybe you can bring this issue up with your therapist and that therapist can help you discover whether this is right or wrong for you to do. After all it is ......you and your therapist and your therapy time not me, my therapist, my therapy time..

with in my own therapy time I go to therapy to work on problems / issues that are affecting my life. One time we did discuss how sometimes I lean more towards her then I do at other times,, and there are times when I "dont need" her...my therapist response was....thats what therapy is for...for you to learn about yourself, your problems and to eventually not need therapists/therapy so much. the times I dont need her she knows Im doing ok and standing on my own two feet, living my life the way Im meant to.

mind you this is only what goes on/is right with in my own therapy sessions with my own therapist.

to find out whats right or wrong for you and your therapist with in your therapy sessions you will need to talk with your own therapist.

[feralkittymom]

I think I remember posts of yours over the last year that showed a lot of anger, objectifying, and control issues regarding your T. I remember especially a post about how you felt angry if she sat a certain way and thought that since you pay her, you had the right to dictate that her behavior should be in accord with what pleased you.

Given that, and your thread title, it seems that there is room in therapy to explore your perspectives about relationships whether you're currently in one or not. But if, as others have mentioned, you aren't interested in looking at your role in these interactions, then what you're getting may be more of a distraction from, rather than healing of, yourself.

[blur]

i think that if one isn't doing any therapeutic work in therapy but just going for the relationship, whether intentionally or not, then it is more of a paid friend. personally, i'm uncomfortable with that and would not do it although i think for most it probably doesn't come about in an intentional fashion. in your case it sounds like you went for help with real life problems but have gotten a little lost in the transference and your T isn't providing the necessary help to work through it. at this point therapy may in fact be more like a paid friendship for you from what you've described.

as a woman i never experienced erotic transference until i saw a male T around my age. you could try meeting with a male T instead, and i think you probably wouldn't experience this sort of transference. or, you could try another female T who is really skilled at dealing with transference. personally, i'm not sure if i'd intentionally do the latter or not. for me i think it's easier to go to a female T knowing i need to work on developing healthy romantic relationships. of course i might avoid dealing with the issue with a female T...

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

I think I remember posts of yours over the last year that showed a lot of anger, objectifying, and control issues regarding your T. I remember especially a post about how you felt angry if she sat a certain way and thought that since you pay her, you had the right to dictate that her behavior should be in accord with what pleased you.

Given that, and your thread title, it seems that there is room in therapy to explore your perspectives about relationships whether you're currently in one or not. But if, as others have mentioned, you aren't interested in looking at your role in these interactions, then what you're getting may be more of a distraction from, rather than healing of, yourself.

One of the reasons I went to therapy was problems with anger. Yeah I've had issues with therapy in general because at times it has been like a power struggle. Also being a man, going to therapy is often looked down upon. It took me 5 years before I decided to try psychotherapy. This wasn't something I thought of overnight.

I think part of it also is that I only see my T once every two weeks. I can't really afford anymore then that.

My T says it's fine to 'use' her. I sometimes feel like a hungry baby biting on her nipple. But even that she says is fine.
We may feel we are using them like an emotional prostitute. But that's our fantasy, our defence against any real feelings we hold.
I'd say you're a perfect candidate for analyst. But the question is, do you want to explore, to feel, to go to places that are scary? Only you know that answer.

Yes I do want to explore, find out more about myself, but only sometimes. There's times where I lose motivation and question why I bother with therapy. This thread is an example. Many times I feel stuck and think " what is the point? " .