[ScrewedUpMe]

Hi All,

Sorry I haven't been on here for a while and here I am asking for advice...well not really asking for advice, just wanted to get some reactions to something that happened today in T.

I had a really bad session today...I know it has alot to do with me coming off some of my medication and I am all over the place. But I felt really uneasy with T, something I haven't felt in over a year. We have got so much closer in the last 6 months that it always seemed more like a friendly chat with a cup of tea than hard, awkward therapy.

But today I was right back to the awkward place. I got upset by some things that were said and then I just withdrew and felt so uncomfortable. T wanted me to tell her what it was she had said but I couldn't. She asked me at the end if I felt safe to drive. (I drive 2 hours to see her). I said yes. But I hesitated. (not on purpose, I just did). She asked me why, I said no reason. Then thought I would just be honest and I said I needed to self-harm before I could drive and then I would feel better. T asked if there was anything she could give me to make me feel better or if there was anything I wanted her to say. I said no, so she said be careful and I left.

It's not that I wanted her to stop me, I didn't actually, but I was still surprised that she let me walk out the door that easily when she knew what I was going to do. So I sat outside her house (not directly outside) in my car and self-harmed. It felt weird to suddenly feel so distant from her that I had to do that.

I don't know what I'm asking here really. Just needing to vent

Thanks,

SuM

[Asiablue]

I feel like therapists are really bad at ending sessions. If i 'd been your therapist i wouldn't be happy at letting you go. But at the same time you're an adult and she couldn't really stop you either. But their attending skills aren't great are they? Wouldn't it have been better if she could have made you agree to sitting down to drink some water and get grounded before going to your car?

[ScrewedUpMe]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

I feel like therapists are really bad at ending sessions. If i 'd been your therapist i wouldn't be happy at letting you go. But at the same time you're an adult and she couldn't really stop you either. But their attending skills aren't great are they? Wouldn't it have been better if she could have made you agree to sitting down to drink some water and get grounded before going to your car?

Thanks Asia. Yeah, that's what I thought. She kind of awkwardly asked me what I wanted her to say etc. But I thought that was weird. She didn't actually make a suggestion such as what you said, let's talk this through or try to get to a better place etc. I was quite shocked really.

[Asiablue]

it just seems like, if she knew you were going to self-harm imminently then that was the perfect time to teach you some self-soothing cos you're right in the moment. It could have been a valuable experience for u both. She missed an opportunity.

[anilam]

Well, she probably have other client waiting and couldn't give you more time. Must be really hard for Ts to learn to just let the clients go.
Asking what you wanted her to say IS weird though. I'd expect some effort of calming you down. At least you don't need to do that, go have a coffee/ for a walk...before you drive.

[ScrewedUpMe]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

it just seems like, if she knew you were going to self-harm imminently then that was the perfect time to teach you some self-soothing cos you're right in the moment. It could have been a valuable experience for u both. She missed an opportunity.

You're right and I am disappointed in her I think. That she wasn't more taking control or taking the lead or something. It felt like she was almost scared to even try and talk me out of it

[ScrewedUpMe]

Originally Posted by anilam

Well, she probably have other client waiting and couldn't give you more time. Must be really hard for Ts to learn to just let the clients go.
Asking what you wanted her to say IS weird though. I'd expect some effort of calming you down. At least you don't need to do that, go have a coffee/ for a walk...before you drive.

Thanks. I know that she has no one else straight after me as it's lunchtime. But yes, it felt like she didn't even try to stop me. She did ask me, would you consider driving without cutting? I said no and that was the end of it.

[Bill3]

How might she have tried to stop you?

[skeksi]

Originally Posted by ScrewedUpMe

Thanks. I know that she has no one else straight after me as it's lunchtime. But yes, it felt like she didn't even try to stop me. She did ask me, would you consider driving without cutting? I said no and that was the end of it.

What if next session, you ask her what she would have said or done if you had answered that question "yes" or "maybe"?

[ScrewedUpMe]

Originally Posted by skeksi

What if next session, you ask her what she would have said or done if you had answered that question "yes" or "maybe"?

Thanks. That's an idea. It's not that I even said it for any kind of reaction. I was just surprised afterwards and having regretted what I did, wished that we could have worked through it somehow so that I hadn't done it.

[feralkittymom]

I don't really see it that way. She did offer you help and you rejected it. You told her you wouldn't consider not SH. She may believe that you were somewhat holding her hostage by telling her you were going to SH, yet would not ask her for what you wanted of her. It's like setting her up in a rescue fantasy. A psychodynamic T (don't know your T's modality), especially, wouldn't usually respond under those circumstances. They wouldn't take away your control of your actions. That doesn't mean she wasn't concerned, didn't wish you would not SH, nor felt distant from you. I hope you will talk it through next time.

[Sabra]

[quote=ScrewedUpMe;3314524]Hi All,

But today I was right back to the awkward place. I got upset by some things that were said and then I just withdrew and felt so uncomfortable. T wanted me to tell her what it was she had said but I couldn't. She asked me at the end if I felt safe to drive. (I drive 2 hours to see her). I said yes. But I hesitated. (not on purpose, I just did). She asked me why, I said no reason. Then thought I would just be honest and I said I needed to self-harm before I could drive and then I would feel better.

I had to drive a long way to see my therapist too. I did doorway therapy...dropping a bomb or mentioning something difficult as I walked out. She would let me sit in another room until I got settled.

She asked if you were ok to drive and you said yes. You then said you wanted to sh. She asked if she could help and you said no.

I had to learn that if something bothered me in therapy, I needed to say it rather than shut down and then drive like a maniac. I SH over the years. I called it my "I'll show you, I'll hurt me plan"....stupid plan. If I needed anything, I had to be honest and not diddle around. I wanted her to read my mind.

It's not that I wanted her to stop me, I didn't actually, but I was still surprised that she let me walk out the door that easily when she knew what I was going to do.

You did want her to stop you or wouldn't have surprised she let you go.
I am sorry you felt the need to self harm. Another reason I self harmed was to punish myself for having needs and not getting them met. It was hard to learn other ways to deal with my feelings. It has been years since I Si, bkz it was my default emotional reaction for a long time.

Please discuss the SI with your therapist so you all can get a plan.

Regards,

Sabra

[GeorgiaGirl413]

In therapy, as in law, never ask a question if you don't already know the answer. I hate it when they ask if I can drive. I always say yes, but just once want to say no just to see what the reaction would be.

[ScrewedUpMe]

Originally Posted by GeorgiaGirl413

In therapy, as in law, never ask a question if you don't already know the answer. I hate it when they ask if I can drive. I always say yes, but just once want to say no just to see what the reaction would be.

Thanks Georgia. I get that. That made me smile. I think part of the reason that I didn't say yes, I would consider not SH is because I didn't know what she was going to say or could say. She wasn't being very vocal at all and I felt if I said I would consider not SH, then we would just sit there in silence until I figured it out myself which I didn't think was going to be helpful.