I believe mine is but do you believe yours is?
My t is always honest, I asked her if she was outside if my time and she said yes, she believes you can't learn these things in t school and you either are that type of person or you aren't.

I'm sorry for this dumb question, but what exactly does congruent mean?

It's not dumb kneehole! I didn't know what it meant either , until recently! It means genuine/ honest

[stopdog]

I don't usually think about what the therapist is outside of the appointment time I am there. I don't think it matters to me how she is in real life. I don't think the woman is particularly honest at appointments.

Unfortunately, I don't think we can ever know the truth. T's act in certain ways in therapy. I doubt they act like that outside.

In therapy they can't be 100% honest. They can't say, "Tollhouse, you are being a pain in the *** today" or "Tollhouse, you look like **** today, go shower." That is not effective, even if that were the truth.

They don't express their judgements like they might with others in their lives - "Honey, you are being a pain in the ***, cut it out."

See?

We all have different facets to who we are and it comes out depending on who we are with and where we are.

T's are ONE facet of them. We don't know the rest.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't usually think about what the therapist is outside of the appointment time I am there. I don't think it matters to me how she is in real life. I don't think the woman is particularly honest at appointments.

Exactly, how our Therapists act outside of sessions is really none of our business

Semi-congruent. He has spoken to me about times he hasn't "followed his own advice" in outside situations and how he realized that at some point and changed how he approached a situation. He doesn't pretend to be something he is not.

He's a pretty straight-forward individual -- warts and all in session. I hold no illusions about him. I suspect, like all of us, he has his own "warts" outside of session just like he does in session.

[anilam]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

It's not dumb kneehole! I didn't know what it meant either , until recently! It means genuine/ honest

Really? I thought it came from math- congruent objects- same ones, different position. So my guess would have been same behaviour, different location/surroundings...

Yes, I think my T's honest/genuine in his role as a T but he's different in other roles (at home/school...)- not totally but still different

Originally Posted by anilam

Really? I thought it came from math- congruent objects- same ones, different position. So my guess would have been same behaviour, different location/surroundings...

Yes, I think my T's honest/genuine in his role as a T but he's different in other roles (at home/school...)- not totally but still different

Lol, it could have a double meaning and I am curious now so have to google this word

Originally Posted by RTerroni

Exactly, how our Therapists act outside of sessions is really none of our business

I agree and disagree on this one. Ts do so much work on themselves in training before ever seeing a client so for them to adapt a different personality or pretend to be something they naturally aren't in session. So I think I couldn't see a t who was false in session.

I happen to know my therapist is well known in the healing community and have been told by other people that she is well respected in her professional & private capacity.

[anilam]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Lol, it could have a double meaning and I am curious now so have to google this word

To be honest English is my third language and I just went with the term I know from math (Latin based words...) could well be false friend though .
Yeah, I do think T being genuine is important. In the long run you would know if T was just faking it or so I hope.

I've read a quote once that said

" There are two types of honest people in the world- young children and drunk people"

On that note- sometimes I feel like she blows smoke up my skirt and after one or two occasions where I had proof that she was just going with whatever I say-I told her to stop. So, I think she is honest now-but I have not always felt that way. As far as outside the office-I have no clue.

I truthfully think my T is completely congruent!...now that I know the meaning of it! (lol..thank you monalisasmile!) I mean obviously all T's may speak differently to each individual person they see....they adapt...but I don't think that is different for any other person in the world. They are just better at it because it goes along with their every day to day job. My T is completely honest with me and has even been extremely blunt with me during sessions. She is also completely open and doesn't mind telling me anything or answering anything. She has told me, since she has bluntly told me I'm passive, that she is fine with and wants me to feel comfortable to ask her anything because she doesn't mind answering. I have to admit that though it is kinda mind blowing at times of how open and blunt she is...but even more so it is a complete breath of fresh air and helpful. I would hate to see another T that wasn't like her....it would suck. She pushes me...and I need that.

[Victoria'smom]

I think my T acts as much as she can the way she would outside session. I know this because her kids have used things that she would normally say in therapy against her when they are in trouble.

[critterlady]

I don't think I really have any way of knowing. I only know how he is in the context of my therapy. Even if I happen to see him outside of the office, it's still in the context of my therapy relationship. We're not friends and we never will be. He is my therapist and I can't possibly be objective about him, nor can I ever really know him enough to know how consistent he is or isn't.

[stopdog]

OP = does it make a difference to you in some way?

[Hopelesspoppy]

Originally Posted by stopdog

OP = does it make a different to you in some way?

Depends on the t relationship. Mine frequently didn't "walk the talk" and seemed to be rather proud of it. I got way too much information that I did not solicit. Fortunately, I had the base intelligence to ignore it. Unfortunately, I was stupid enough to stick around.

I have spent a lot of time with my t outside the office, i have also heard her on the phone with her family, and we have also just hung out together. She is pretty much the same. I have seen her get mad at people, seen her have a wide range of emotions, and she responds the same as in her office. Also, she is well know, and many many people talk of her kindness and integrity. She is also totally honest with me, she gives criticism or remarks that are totally ok with me her being honest, even when sometimes it hurts. I am honest with her the same way.

[FeelTheBurn]

Sorry to be a know-it-all egghead, but congruent actually means the same as, in harmony with, in agreement with.

So, if your T is boring in-session and out, her professional self is congruent with her personal self. In the case of being honest inside and out, it works, but it doesn't have anything to do with honesty per se.

I feel pretty sure my T is somewhat similar in personality outside our sessions. But I have a feeling she's a little wilder, a little saltier, and a little sexier. But I will probably never know, so as long as she's great in session, she could be an axe murderer and I'd be all right with it. (ok, not really, but....close.)

[healed84]

T has admitted to me that he has his share of issues just like everyone else.. And also, when he is at work- he is professional T. I think he is pretty silly, and geeky (his own admission outside of the office..

However the genuine nature that he puts on in his office, I am pretty confident carries forth into his personal life as well.

[content30]

Yes, my T is very genuine. I know two people who know T outside of the office, and they say that she is wonderful/sweet/kind, etc. I also know a girl who saw a T that supervised my T, and that T said wonderful things about my T to that girl. I can tell that my T is very genuine. That is one reason that I like her so much. My T walks the walk. Of course, no one is perfect. However, I've never heard a cross word about my T.

Can't be sure, but I'd say probably the same person outside of therapy but I do get the impression she's a bit more naggy in her personal life.

[feralkittymom]

I've known my T for about 30 years, and about 18 years of that is post therapy. He is who he is and always was. That's not to say he didn't modulate his behavior depending upon the situation and who he was interacting with--but we all do that, thankfully. It would have been irresponsible for him to not make the effects of his words and actions on me during session his priority.

In terms of his perspective on life, his beliefs and values about the human condition, his character, his strengths and weaknesses, he is very congruent. I've never felt any emotion from him that didn't feel authentic. I've seen how he's faced adversity, I've experienced his generosity in the midst of his own difficulties, and I've been gratified to be able to offer some support. But our interactions post therapy are subtly and importantly different: while sympathetic and caring, he doesn't pursue my feelings as he would have in therapy; he is somewhat more revealing about himself; more spontaneous; and I don't seek his support as I would have during therapy. This is appropriate because we no longer interact within a therapeutic relationship. Of course, aspects of that former relationship infuse how we view each other--it would be a bizarre denial to pretend the past didn't exist. We choose to modulate our interaction to fit the current circumstance, but we are both inherently the same people we always were. We are congruent.

[rainbow8]

I remember learning about congruent triangles in geometry and never knew until now that it had another meaning! I once asked my T if she was different outside of therapy and she said "no". I think I specifically asked if she was so nice and caring. She did say that she has more patience in therapy--something about a nosy neighbor that upsets her. We were talking about my crossing boundaries at the time.

Once I read something online written by a relative of my Ts. He said something very positive about her which made me know for sure she's basically the same outside of therapy. I don't think anyone can fake their personality, especially a T who is trying to be genuine and serve as a role model for us.

The one thing that threw me is finding out my T is getting a divorce after many years of marriage. I remember her telling me how you have to work hard in marriage. I was totally shocked to discover that her marriage failed. How could someone so nice be getting divorced? But, of course it takes two, and I know she's not perfect, after all. Or maybe it's just that they were headed in different directions, which is my guess.

I also think she tones down her language and her dress for me, in particular. I don't think she wears those coverups at home, and her language is probably more colorful.

So, to summarize, I think my T is basically congruent outside of the office.