I feel a loaded session coming on...

So, tomorrow is T day....and I feel a very loaded session coming on. And it might sound silly, but I'm honestly most worried about not being able to hold back tears. I hate crying in general, and I hate crying in front of others even more...but I am really struggling right now, and so I wrote my T a letter like I always do when I've got something big or important or emotionally revealing or whatever because then she gets it raw and uncut rather than when I just come in and start talking because then I tend to just stay on the surface and not delve deeper into things...and there's just so much there. I don't know what happened. A few weeks ago, it felt like there was practically nothing to talk about in T because my life was going so great! Now, it's like its taken a 180

So sorry to hear that things aren't going so well for you right now. I know the feeling. I hate crying in front of my T too. I know that the reason I especially don't like to do it is because the last thing I want from her is pity.
Also, "loaded" sessions can be exhausting both before and after. I'm sorry you're facing that.
HOWEVER, I am so proud of you for writing everything down "raw" and actually going in and sharing it. I write in a raw way as well, but rarely am I able to share it and never during a session. I avoid going deep in session as a rule. In many ways, I wish I could be more like you and share the way you do. You are very courageous because you are facing it head on!!! Wow!!!
Whatever your current issues, hang in there and keep the faith because having that much courage already puts you ahead in the game, even though I bet you don't feel that way.

:hugs

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How do you imagine your T might respond if you did cry? I understand not wanting to cry in front of others. It took me years to get to the point where I didn't want to die of shame from crying.

Thanks guys.

ShrinkPatient: It took me quite awhile to actually show T things I wrote. But once I did, it just got easier every time.

likelife: I've cried in front of my T before, and she has always been totally okay with it. I just don't like crying in front of anyone.

It is important to cry and get the poison out. Did you know that tears of pain contain healing elements that tears of joy do not?

Good morning,

I think you are doing a terrific job of taking care of yourself. Sorry more stuff surfaced, but you are proactive in dealing with it. You have certainly learned how to outsmart yourself, i.e., writing it down in the raw to take to therapy. Brava. Sending you good thoughts today.

Regards,

Sabra

If you do cry I just hope your Therapist will come over to your side to console you.

Thanks guys. I managed to not cry and just be very matter of fact. But I feel like it was a fairly productive session, especially since I feel like my T was really understanding what I was saying.