[growlycat]

I'm really nervous about my phone call to my main T tomorrow.

For the next 2 months, I want to see if he is OK cutting back to once every 2 weeks, just short term. I just bought my plane tickets home for the holidays--ouch!!!!!! I'm heading into a very expensive season.

Work is going to be busy the next 2 months, money is tighter than usual, and I hate to say, issues I'm dealing with cbt T are more pressing (and he is better covered under my insurance)

I am very worried that T will take it the wrong way, that I'm pulling away for good (not true!!) or that he will be hurt somehow. He is like a dad and mom to me, I'm worried I'll lose him emotionally.

What's the best way to tell a t you need to cut back for awhile? So worried.

[laughattack]

Have you ever "pulled away" from this T before? Do you have any evidence that suggests he might take it the wrong way?

[growlycat]

Good question LA--when I started seeing my cbt T out here where I now live, I think main T was at first a little pissed. He even said if I wanted to stop for awhile and try something else that would be fine (but he later admitted he said it in a bit of a huff)

Main T has been w/me over 20 yrs. I don't think I've ever asked to cut back.

[laughattack]

Huh. From what you write, it sounds like main T might have (or had) an issue, like with possession or something (thus the huffy remark).

I dunno. For the kind of thing I am in therapy for (depression / anxiety) and for how long (10+ years), I'm not usually in a place where cutting back to every two weeks would be dangerous. And whenever I do suggest (not ask) to cut back, my T has always been fine with it.

[Wren_]

growly will you be seeing main T while you are home? ... letting him know it is financial and not personal and that you still need him is probably one way to go ... sometimes they need reassurance ... especially with a long term T who is already a little huffish like that

[laughattack]

What do you mean you are worried you would lose him emotionally?

Edit to add: one thing my T has been working with me recently is to get me to realize that I have no control over how other people (including my T) may feel about my statements or actions. Of course, I care about how people may feel, and how they may feel about me. But this truth has been wonderfully freeing for me. I am actually now more apt to express an opinion or just say something rather than keep it unspoken out of fear or concern what a specific person might think or feel about me. (I am not trying to be didactic here, it's just that your post reminded me of this particular issue I've had most my life.)

[growlycat]

Tigergirl-- Actually, he may be on the west coast in Dec and we may have a "Starbucks therapy session" (we aren't sure the most appropriate place to meet yet)

AND when I'm back east, I'll see him for a double session in his office

He usually isn't huffy or possessive but it was a nice moment in a way-he really does care!

LA---Losing him emotionally---I already worry that long distance therapy has made me "out of sight/out of mind" more than I used to be for him. I used to feel like he thought about me outside of sessions (ways to help me etc). Seeing him less may make him miss me less if that makes any sense.

[Wren_]

Maybe make mention of those times you are going to see him then and yes, it does sound a caring kind of huffyness

[growlycat]

Update- just talked to T and he totally understood.

Why do I worry so much

[laughattack]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Update- just talked to T and he totally understood.

Why do I worry so much

Excellent!
Well, sometimes I worry too much about certain things, and that sometimes includes what my T might feel or think about something... In fact I have to confront my T tomorrow about certain statements they've made.

So that part is settled for you. It's a nice way to start the day.

[growlycat]

It sure is a good start to the day.

LA--hope talking to T goes as easily for you too! I'm not a fan of confrontation.

[laughattack]

Well, if you are interested: here's the issue I'm dealing with.

[GeorgiaGirl413]

Personally, I think we should all quit caring about what our T's think. I don't care if I hurt the SOB's feelings. Hell, I'm paying him to do a job. He is not my friend, nor anything more than that. I need to concentrate on what is going on with me. That's why I'm in therapy. Not to worry about the person in the other chair. That gets me no where.

[growlycat]

GG-
I feel like this guy saved my life.

I had gone years seeing T's that weren't great and I was getting hopelessly depressed. When I met main T, things started to turn around.

So my connection to him is pretty deep for me. Part of it is gratitude. He's not a plumber or a gardener to me, or even a tax accountant.

[laughattack]

Perhaps so, Georgia girl, but it's not easy for some of us. We have a lot invested in our therapists, not only time, money, but a huge emotional and relational investment. That alone makes us pause before not giving a hoot what T may think or feel. It's a relationship, so it's natural to consider how the other person feels. On top of that, some of us have communicative and interpersonal skills that we need help in. At least part of me wouldn't be in therapy if I had great interpersonal skills. Plus, we just care about, and often for, our therapists.

[GeorgiaGirl413]

Originally Posted by laughattack

Perhaps so, Georgia girl, but it's not easy for some of us. We have a lot invested in our therapists, not only time, money, but a huge emotional and relational investment. That alone makes us pause before not giving a hoot what T may think or feel. It's a relationship, so it's natural to consider how the other person feels. On top of that, some of us have communicative and interpersonal skills that we need help in. At least part of me wouldn't be in therapy if I had great interpersonal skills. Plus, we just care about, and often for, our therapists.

Didn't mean to offend, and didn't mean that I didn't understand. I have been attached to my T too. But I have decided that for myself I spend waaaay too much time worrying about what this person feels. I guess some of this response was anger on my part at my current T who I do not feel is invested in me at all.

[growlycat]

You didn't offend me GG, I just needed to explain WHY I would care what T thinks

[laughattack]

Nope, didn't offend me, either. I understand what you are saying, GG, and appreciate both viewpoints.