[deepestwaters40]

I started therapy at the end of last year for the first time. My T is the only one I have seen and my experience this year with her is my first. I wanted so badly to be able to break through my fears of being vulnerable and just cry and be able to talk about how I REALLY feel deep down. To make a long story short, about two months ago I was finally able to cry after all that time I've seen her and the barriers are now falling and now I'm actually getting somewhere. I believe this to be very healthy in my therapy but am curious as to others thoughts and experiences.

If you think being able to be vulnerable in T (with a TRUSTING T) is important to you, why? If not, why not? Has it brought you further like myself or do you fear the thought? If you have become vulnerable with a T, is there an amount of time it took you? Basically, what is your experience?

This may be more of a question for the sensitive folk like myself (no discrimination intended) so don't laugh if you think this is dumb...but I hope no one thinks that

[growlycat]

It's funny, with my main T it took me years to really open up completely.

By the time I started seeing cbt T months ago, it only took me 4 sessions to start talking about harder stuff. Too bad that you can't get paid to "go pro" at being a patient.
Maybe I could get a racing jumpsuit with sponsor patches all over it (Kleenex, zoloft, etc.)

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I voted yes.... and I am a highly sensitive, artistic type, so I don't think your question is dumb.
I think when you can open your heart and allow another person to see your pain, and that person's responses are positive and caring, it is very healing.

It took me ~2 years with my first T to be vulnerable.

My new T.... no chance soon!

Trust is very hard.... being vulnerable and getting a positive reaction does help build trust though....

[unaluna]

Long long long long time.

Also I have an ambien refrigerator magnet - not quite a racing patch, but I do find it thrilling!

[LadyShadow]

I think it didn't take me long to trust my T. He was part of the day program I was in for several years, and so seeing him in group and getting to know him really helped me understand him. He has been my only therapist for 7 years.

I know many people go through a lot of therapists, and if I ever move it will be hard for me to say goodbye to him.

But I have no problem being vulnerable with my T. I often cry with him, laugh and joke with him, we have a very good relationship.

[stopdog]

I don't find vulnerability a useful concept or goal for me. I would say I trust the therapist enough and that there are some areas she has proven to be untrustworthy so I no longer trust her in those areas.

But I don't think there is a problem if someone does find a lot of vulnerability useful.

[Tarra]

Yes.
Partly because allowing myself to be vulnerable with safe people is one of the things I'm working on. Partly because if I didn't trust him and make myself vulnerable, I couldn't work on the other things either because I would feel too scared or ashamed to tell him important details.

[lightcatcher]

I think trust and vulnerability is essential to get to the hard stuff.
In saying that they are the two most difficult things for me. When I'm about to see T, or while I'm with her I really need to force myself and be aware that I really do want to trust her and be vulnerable. I've been seeing T now for nearly 6 months, it's been a rollercoaster of vulnerability. Some weeks ill be so vulnerable I feel raw, others I've shut up shop, built a fence and reinforced myself from her.

I've spent my life protecting myself from being vulnerable and not trusting people, it's worked up until now. Now I want it to be different - habits however are very hard to break. It's a continual journey.

[A Red Panda]

I don't really trust at all. I am, however, telling my T whatever is a truthful answer to anything he asks or brings up. Even the things that I really would rather not say. For the most part. Because really, I don't WANT to say anything because I don't trust him. But he's been earning my trust slowly (everyone earns it slowly) but I hate it when I start to feel emotional. I don't like it at all if he can see that I'm upset, and I've been utterly uncomfortable the few times I've cried a bit while there because I pushed myself too far.

Working through my history has required a great deal of emotional vulnerability, and that has been a huge challenge as it was my literal, physical vulnerability that created my historical issues in the first place. But I am thankful that I have finally been able to muster the courage to allow myself that vulnerability as it has allowed me to get through that painful stage and move forward. My efforts at self-protection and personal armor had me stuck for many, many years.

[unlockingsanity]

Being vulnerable means being open and honest about what's happening with me, so I think that's important because if I'm not being open and honest, how can I expect to keep improving?

I think you have to be able to trust and be vulnerable because therapy is about hard stuff... saying hard stuff... realizing hard stuff.. acknowledging hard stuff ...this hard stuff is about ourselves, our relationships... our families... our patterns....

without the ability to let down your guard...to trust and be vulnerable.. therapy will be about everything else that you can make it like your T...about you and your T... anything that is at a very surface level...

[laughattack]

Yes, I think being vulnerable includes enTRUSTing one's self and one's most innermost thoughts and feelings (or at least as much as one is comfortable about revealing - this trust does take time) to another party, in this case a T who hopefully creates and maintains a warm, accepting, nonjudgmental, nondefensive stance, and is genuine, transparent, and honest while holding firm boundaries.

I am learning about therapy as I go, and thinking about previous therapists I've had, and my current one. And I've concluded that, for me, the relationship between T and patient IS the therapy. Even more so than insights, as helpful as those can be. But this is just my opinion.

[deepestwaters40]

I guess I never thought that I was the only one who thought this or had this experience...but I didn't expect SO many people to share in the struggle of being vulnerable and trusting a T and believing that to be the essential part of working through their deepest issues.

It is a difficult and timely process, but a rewarding one at that. I had no idea when I started therapy that that's what it's all about. The idea of trusting T scared me. It still does sometimes but through everything I go through with T, it builds more and more and I open up more and more. It's where real change happens. It astounds me what that kind of relationship can do.

[tinyrabbit]

This is something I am working on as I find it SO HARD but I think it's a goal for me.

I voted yes. I am not sure why its important to me... Perhaps because i never trusted anyone before, and she is safe, and being vulnerable with her is ok. I think its something i needed to learn, having never experienced that before.

[purplemystery]

I have been seeing my T for over 2 years cumulative, and just today I was only looking at my hands, hunched in almost a ball and unable to say much of anything or let her know what I was thinking. It really depends on the day for me. I have had many times where I have opened myself up to being vulnerable, but I still have a ways to go. I'm not sure I will ever get to where I want to be. It's really tough, so I completely understand your difficulties with it. The moments when it happens are the most beautiful and helpful.

[purplejell]

It has been a long process for me over the course of years. I used to be unable to cry in front of other people. I would talk about things that bothered me or hurt me and still have a smile on my face and it felt so inconsistent... but that's how I learned to get through life. It is still hard to be open, but sometimes it is such an incredible relief to feel like my "outside" matches my "inside" - that I can really show how I feel. I've been with current T for 5 years, and it continues to deepen - how much I trust her and let her in. I don't know if I have ever let someone in this much before.

[feralkittymom]

I suspect I was ready to be vulnerable after a lifetime of distancing and repressing my feelings. I burst into tears in the first session, and probably cried in the majority of sessions over 11 years. It wasn't anything I planned, and it wasn't anything I could control. I almost never cried as a child, so my T said I had a lot of crying to catch up on. I really never thought about it as being vulnerable. After a while the transference kicked in and his kindness touched that reservoir of unexpressed feelings that found a voice.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by deepestwaters40

If you think being able to be vulnerable in T (with a TRUSTING T) is important to you, why? If not, why not? Has it brought you further like myself or do you fear the thought? If you have become vulnerable with a T, is there an amount of time it took you? Basically, what is your experience?

I voted, depends. I don't dwell on the moments that I'm really opening up. Some of the stuff, it delves into my day to day stuff. One time, I teared up with my pdoc. Then, I realized, my body language leaving the office, was about vulnerability. It is nice, to be able to be vulnerable, at times. At that point, the tearing up part, he made a very valid statement that stuck with me.

My talk therapist, I'm not in there crying, as much as discussing how the heck to deal with what I am dealing with right now. He's more apt to light a fire under my feet, and help me recognize things that are going on, either with my thinking or with those around me.

I find, that getting further in my therapy sessions, isn't about vulnerability it's about absorbing what is said to me, and processing it, over the next couple of days, until I can see how it applies in my life.