[rainbow8]

I'm trying to find good things to think about my session this week. This may sound trivial, but to me it's not. I had my session in the morning instead of my usual afternoon time, and didn't eat much beforehand. When T sat next to me to look at my photos near the end of the session, my stomach started growling. I get embarrassed about stuff like that, so I said "my stomach is making noises". T said "that's okay. You're hungry. I get that too". Of course I know it's normal but T saying that made me feel good. Like she knows what bothers me and she wants to reassure me. It's little things like that, that make me appreciate my T.

[tinyrabbit]

It's not trivial if the feelings you have felt important!

I texted my T about something and didn't get a reply. He replied today, two days later, and added a note saying the message didn't send when it should have because of the iPhone software update. It made me really happy that he thought to let me know that.

[purplemystery]

It's definitely the little things! I laugh at how much I care about a small look of understanding, a "hi," or a "come on in."

[deepestwaters40]

T helped me in a really bad place today. She called me back to help clear up a misunderstanding between us and caringly listened and helped me through some confusing things. She said if she doesn't hear from me before our next session she looks forward to me coming in next Wednesday to help work through what I am experiencing. She also said to keep her updated.

It made me feel nice to know T wanted to help me

[RTerroni]

Anytime my Therapist mentions any little thing about (such as the shirt I am wearing) it always helps me.

[feralkittymom]

I think for those of us who felt invisible to our parents, these moments of visibility resonate.

The feeling of being fully 'received'. Priceless.

[refika]

That's so nice of your T to make you feel comfortable that way. I agree, it's the little things that sometimes make a huge difference.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

I think for those of us who felt invisible to our parents, these moments of visibility resonate.

I agree with you 100%, feralkittymom. For me it's about something different, though. I didn't feel invisible to my parents at all. What I didn't feel was safe to confide in my Mom, and to get reassurance that I was "all right". So when T reassures me that I'm normal in any way, I feel better about myself. I also feel safe with my T.

Except: she has always accepted all my parts, so why doesn't she accept the part who whines? I'm allowed to hijack my own thread, I assume. I'm going to ask her that question next week.

[feralkittymom]

Is whining a part? or a behavior of a part? I think the part can be accepted, while the behavior is rejected.

[A Red Panda]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Except: she has always accepted all my parts, so why doesn't she accept the part who whines?

((I accept my students as they are. They're 9 and they're kids and I accept them baggage and all. However. I don't accept disrespectful, rude and silly behaviours. I don't accept a total lack of focus or effort. I consistently remind them that those are behaviors and choices that they are choosing to indulge in, and that while I don't accept those I do accept that they're struggling or frustrated or confused about the work and whatnot!))

On topic: My T jokes around a little bit, about himself and about me. I'm not sure what it was but I got compared to his hunting partner last week. I like feeling included and being given little moments that aren't totally about me and my life - because when the focus is all on me I get really uncomfortable.

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

Is whining a part? or a behavior of a part? I think the part can be accepted, while the behavior is rejected.

Good point. I accept my children for who they are, but I don't accept whining, bad behavior, disrespect, etc. The "person"/"part" and the "behaviors" aren't exactly the same thing.

[tinyrabbit]

Rainbow, I don't think your T is rejecting that part if she questions it. I don't think it's so black and white.

[Favorite Jeans]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Except: she has always accepted all my parts, so why doesn't she accept the part who whines? I'm allowed to hijack my own thread, I assume. I'm going to ask her that question next week.

I forget which parenting book said this but I liked it: basically whining is a way for a child to "hook" their parents. It's annoying and hard to ignore. A child is almost guaranteed to get their parent's attention when then whine. (Even little monkeys do it and their mothers seem to find it annoying too!)

As parents we often automatically respond to whining out of our own irritation ("cut that whining out!") instead of "unhooking" and hearing the message behind it ("I'm hearing that waiting in this line is really boring for you and you can't wait to get out of here. My goodness, your voice is really telling me what a hard time you're having!")

I bet your T is responding to you from a "hooked" place--whining is hard for her to hear so she won't let you have the feeling that's behind it. Since you're not a kid, you can ask her what's so hard for her about your whining and explain how it feels to you that she can't accept that part of you. You can point out that she seems unable to work a little harder to figure out both the need you're trying to express and her own feelings about your method of expressing it.