[lightcatcher]

I couldn't do it. I wanted to have a hug but couldn't ask her.
It's not an issue on hugging, T will if I ask. I just can't ask for what I want.
ARGGGH!!!

[ScrewedUpMe]

Originally Posted by lightcatcher

I couldn't do it. I wanted to have a hug but couldn't ask her.
It's not an issue on hugging, T will if I ask. I just can't ask for what I want.
ARGGGH!!!

Oh I feel for you. I had the exact same thing with T a couple of weeks ago. I wasn't able to let my guard down enough to ask and feel vulnerable. And my T would have happily done it too. I hope we can gather the strength to ask for what we need in the future. I emailed T and told her that I had been too afraid to ask and she replied that I can ask anytime for a hug. One step closer...

[jacq10]

(((((((light)))))))

It is very hard to ask for what you want/need sometimes. Could you and your T develop a "code" or signal that you could do instead? In that way, you could communicate what you want without actually having to say it?

[ShrinkPatient]

Originally Posted by lightcatcher

I couldn't do it. I wanted to have a hug but couldn't ask her.
It's not an issue on hugging, T will if I ask. I just can't ask for what I want.
ARGGGH!!!

I do the same thing. I don't ask for hugs either but I want them. My T would be ore then happy to give me hugs and sometimes she asks me but I've only asked for one a couple of times. I wonder if when she doesn't ask or offer, if it's just to get me to ask. OR Maybe she only gives me one if she thinks I've done a good job in session. All I know is that it's way too difficult to ask and her inconsistency is confusing.
Maybe we should start a support group for those of us who want them but can't ask. Sometimes it's a little heartbreaking.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[tealBumblebee]

I totally get this. I didn't think hugs were that "impactful" to be honest until one day T asked me if she could give me a hug. Then the next week she didn't, and I wanted one but I felt like I shouldn't ask. Then I had it in mind to ask the next week, and I just couldn't. Now, she asks after every session if she can give me a hug and then I started worrying that if I said no, she wouldn't offer again. So it went back to the fear of speaking up. And then one day, I decided "no, i'm fine. I don't need a hug" and I declined her offer - things didn't change! She still asks me every week and sometimes I say yes, sometimes no, sometimes "its fine/cool", etc.

What I would do in your position, knowing that she gives hugs, is write on a small piece of paper "can I have a hug please". She'll see that you are struggling to get the words out and perhaps will reward the effort with - a hug! That way, instead of trying to articulate the words, you can just hand her the paper. And if you think you may chicken out with the paper - write it on a bright neon piece of paper. Carry it in your hand so she see's its there, and then, at the end of the session (or whenever you want a hug) she'll know that you have something to give her (because she will have seen it) and it'll be less terrifying, perhaps?

Good luck! Until then, here's a big hug from me!

[FeelTheBurn]

Asking for anything can be hard, and asking for something as "big" as a hug can really be scary. All those fears of rejection and refusal just pile up and stopper up your mouth. I get it.

A little first step device, like writing it down as tealbumblebee suggests, is a great idea. Little by little, you'll get there. Just keep in mind that, if your T is doing her work, she won't "let" you stay with the note--eventually, she'll draw you closer to having to ask for it. That's not her being inconsistent or cruel, that's her helping you learn to ask for what you want in full voice, for all to hear, which is what a healthy person can do.

Be gentle and patient with yourself--I'm sure there are good reasons why asking is hard. Take small steps, and get yourself some hugs!

[winter4me]

Asking is hard. I read a report on myself once that stated a large part of my problem was that I did not ask for help when I needed to...

[winter4me]

...and I wish I could say that has changed.

[lightcatcher]

Thank you to everyone for their kind words! I had emailed T a while ago and told her I wanted a hug, the next time I seen her she waited for me to ask then offered and I said oh no not today. Ugh. I just have to do it.