Is is normal to hate your first session or should you I try somewhere else?

Hi I'm new here. I'm undiagnosed at the moment but I believe I have suffered from some form of mental illness (I suspect depression) since my mid-teens (now in my early 20s). When I was younger it felt, in a lot of ways, controllable so I never sought help. However this summer it returned for the first time in years and it was worse than I ever experienced. I lost all interest and motivation in life and basically felt like I was fighting with every fibre of my being to keep myself alive. I also felt like that fighting did nothing. At one point I accepted I probably would be dead by the end of the year. It wasn't something I wanted, just something I felt would happen. I never so much wanted to die as feeling like it wouldn't be so bad if I did. During this time I made several appointments with a local youth mental health service but cancelled all of them from fear.

In September I returned to college and felt a lot better having something to work toward and being around people more. My mood improved hugely and I felt healthy again. However recently my moods and motivation have been slipping again. I made another appointment with the service and this time I went.

I wasn't sure what to expect but I sure as hell hadn't expected leaving feeling disappointed and like I wasted my time. I knew I wouldn't go in be diagnosed in a day and be recovered. I had expected though that by talking to the person I would feel they understood my hurt and upset and would want to help me. Instead I felt like I wasn't being taken seriously and that he believed I wasn't getting happier because I wasn't trying. I will admit I was not as candid as I was here, I did not talk about my suicidal feelings but about how I had felt numb, like I would never be happy again and how at my worst I lost all motivation to do anything. He said thatI had, up until now, treated these periods passively, not done anything to resolve them. I couldn't believe this because, as I earlier said, I felt the entire time like I was fighting with my whole body to keep going, to keep alive. I had, I suppose, not physically reacted i.e I had not exercised nor tried to meet people but as I kept trying to explain to him I lost all motivation and hope. I felt like there was nothing I could do that I wasn't already but he just didn't seem to understand. I felt almost as if he didn't understand or believe in mental illness. Like he couldn't comprehend how difficult just the thought of doing those things felt.

The service in question is not necessarily a counseling service. The people come from various backgrounds but they are linked to mental health, social care or medicine in some way. You attend for about six week maximum and then if they feel you need more help you are referred to other relevant services. Therefore I know that this is nor necessarily the typical therapist experience but it's the closest I've come. I struggled so hard to get the courage to talk to someone about my problems and I feel like I wasn't taken seriously and that the person in question felt I wasn't working hard enough to make myself happy when it's all I did.

So, after that huge ramble what I'm asking is, is my response the usual? Is it normal after your first session to feel like you're not being help and might as well just give up on the process altogether? The guy in question seemed like he wanted to help but I also felt completely and utterly misunderstood. Should I keep going with it or seek help elsewhere? My college has a counseling service so that's another option. I've heard such wonderful things about this service and it took me so long to finally look for help I'm wondering if I built it up too much so I would always be disappointed. Or maybe I'm in too good a place now? Is it possible to not be depressed enough for treatment to work? I'm just so confused and upset. I thought I would finally find a place where I was understood and instead I feel like the person in question doesn't understood mental illness is an actual illness.

First sessions are always complicated and there is very rarely a 'quick fix' but it seems that they did not understand the complexities of depression and what it can mean for an individual.

All I can suggest is don't give up - 'shop around' until you find someone who you can relate to and have those difficult conversations with. There are some great people out there who can help

I think that bases on your experience, your disappointment is very normal. Sounds like this guy really hasn't had the kind of training he'd need to help you. It's not you.

Services thru your college really might be your best option.

Hmm he doesn't sound very empathic does he? But like Mazing said, first interviews are more about history taking, why are you here etc. What is this person's qualification to help you? Is he a qualified counsellor?
Can you ask for someone else or is he the only option? The thing is there are many complex reasons for depression and often there is a serious underlying reason for it ie childhood trauma. (especially since you've been displaying symptoms since you were a young teenager. ) So you really need someone who understands about all these issues.

I think if you're really stuck for options then give it another chance and see if it was just a bad session. But if you really hate it, get a referral from your Dr surgery as most have a counselling service at the surgery. Alternatively, private counsellors usually do a sliding scale fee so you may be able to find more choices that way.

Was this an intake interview for a clinic? If it is usually the intake people are rarely your therapists and rarely chit-chatty. I'd give it 2 mths before changing.

Thanks for the replies everyone. He was history taking but he's also a caseworker (i.e the closes to a counselor they have there) so he does more than just the initial analysis. The way it works is when there's a staff meeting they talk about new cases and they decide the best case of action and which case worker to assign them to (it could be him or it could be someone else). They then work with you for six weeks and they feel if you need more longterm aid they refer you to other services such as counselors and the like. Case workers aren't trained counselors (at least not all o them) but they all have backgrounds which link to mental health in some way. Since their meeting isn't until Wednesday I think I will see a counselor through the college first and if I feel that they could help me better then I'll contact the other service and tell them I've decided to go through the college instead. The college counselors are more of a longterm service as well which I think will work out better for me.

I've talked a bit before about my perceived depression with my mother who has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and she has said that my parents will pay for any treatment I need but I don't feel we can really afford it right now so I would rather go through free services first.

I think feeling like you're not being taken seriously is a big deal. I actually walked out of my first session ever, but it was because I did not wish to have feelings and he kept saying I did and I would have feelings. If I felt he was not listening or was not taking me seriously, I would not have returned.

I hate all the therapy appointments and I have been doing this for over 3 years. I do think, however, the therapist does usually try to understand (she fails, but there is some effort) and I don't completely despise her as such. But if I could not tolerate the therapist at all, I would find a new one.

I had my first appointment with my new family therapist last Thursday and we had a big meltdown, although I did tell her that I would like to meet again this week to have another try at it (it would just be me this week since my parents will be away) and I am hoping that she will let me (don't know for sure right now).

I would seek help with a licensed professional.

If it was more an intake kind of session, and the caseworker isn't necessarily who you will be seeing, I would give the six weeks a try. This is based on your desire to try a free service first, before attempting an independent therapist for fees.

But try to remember that what you get back from therapy is related directly to what you put into it--they are not mind readers, magicians, or perfect mommies. You mentioned not telling him of your suicidal thoughts; that's an example of something important to illustrate the nature and extent of your depression, and leaving it out might feel safer in the moment, but it does not help you in the long run.

Be as open and honest as you can, and when you feel you are misunderstood or unheard, correct him and tell him what you feel and think. Do your best to stick up for yourself, and even if you can't during a session, write it down afterwards like you told us, and bring it to the next session.

If, after trying that for a few sessions, you don't feel you are being heard, then dump it and go for a paid therapist, if your parents are willing to help.

I think trust is necessary before discussing something like suicidal thoughts. For me, the first appointment, or even the 10th would not have been the time to do that.
And sometimes no matter how directly a client tells the therapist something - they do not hear, pay attention or believe the client. So I don't think it is always a problem that the client expects a therapist to be a mind reader. Plus, with the therapist and me, it is a good thing she is not a mind reader.

I know they aren't mind readers and by holding back my suicidal thoughts he wouldn't know the full extent of it. However I felt he didn't fully grasp the full extent of what I did tell him.

I would go to a licensed psychologist. They have far more education and training than these people it sounds like you are dealing with. Sometimes it can take a little time to find someone you are comfortable with but if you go to someone who is more experienced, that might help.

My first session with the therapist I am seeing now was a NIGHTMARE. It was probably the worst doctors visit I have been to (and I've been to quite a lot). I hated her and I hated her techniques and I hated everything about it. I came back though, and as we began to establish boundaries and get on the same page about what we each were trying to get out of our sessions, our working relationship began to grow and it became more bearable. I will say though that our relationship still isn't great (after being with her for almost 6 months) and that I am trying to figure out a plan for termination, but I was able to get the treatment that I needed with her and that's what matters.

I guess my advice is to give it time. Therapists are not always going to work for every person and it may just be that this one isn't for you. I would give it a good try though and if it still isn't right, seek another professional. But don't give up. There is someone out there who will be good for you. Sometimes its just a matter of trial and error.

This sounds more like a kind of signposting service as you said you only get six weeks? I can't imagine getting much out of that to be honest, but that's just me.

I remember feeling pretty disappointed when I first went to a therapist that they didn't really care or understand all that much. I agree with Stopdog that it's a good idea to take your time in revealing suicidal thoughts if you can. It's not that your depression doesn't matter it's just that some therapists can't be trusted to be very helpful or to know how to be helpful to you. It's pretty upsetting when you've built up a lot of stress about crossing the boundary of going to talk to one of them and they turn out not to be that good. But it's not you; some of them just aren't that good, and some of them take a while to learn how to understand how to help you. Since you felt such a strongly negative reaction on your first visit to this one, I don't know if it's a good idea to go back or not. The fact that it's free is a pretty strong incentive. Maybe you need a therapist who is more sensitive though. I do think it's a good idea to try to pursue finding a therapist. But whether to pursue this one mostly depends on your financial situation and on whether they'd let you try a different one for free or not. Six weeks probably isn't enough, but if you're like most students and you don't have any money for this, it's probably a lot better than the other options. It might even be worth sort of semi-faking your way through it to see if they help you get a more long term therapist for low cost. I don't know, I guess you need to let them know your situation is serious without letting yourself feel any more vulnerable than you have to, as long as you continue to sense that this therapist doesn't understand you. Maybe look at it as telling them your issues are serious without letting yourself be disappointed by expecting a lot of empathy since they may not be very good at helping you. Just try them out without having a lot of confidence in them, in case they surprise you, or if they don't surprise you, maybe at least refer you to someone else eventually.