[sunrise]

Instead of having therapy at T's office, we went out to lunch!

We had a mix-up on the schedule, and I was at his office for my appointment an hour and a half before he thought I was scheduled, and his door was locked. I texted him to see what was going on and he was at an off-site meeting. He proposed we meet for lunch near the site of his meeting, since it would take him a while to drive all the way to his office. While I drove to the restaurant, he had time to finish his meeting, I got a table, and he met me there.

It was cool! It was not awkward, as I thought it might be. I asked him at the outset if I should pay him for this meeting (were we going to have a therapy session over lunch or what?), and he said no. No charge, due to the mix-up, and also he bought me lunch because he remembered it was my birthday. We had a good talk, and discussed my down in the dumps mood lately, as well as other topics.

[Nerak67]

Cool. I'd like that.

[wotchermuggle]

Wow, that's cool !

[Freewilled]

Wow - I'm glad it went so well I'm not sure i could do that though as the thought of it makes me anxious...has that kind of thing ever happened with him before? I've only ever met my T in the same office week after week lol

Awesome!! I love doing stuff like that with my t too.

[Rzay4]

That's so sweet!

[Tangerine87]

Thats cool, i'm glad you liked that. That would have given me terrible anxiety had my therapist asked me to do that though....i would have been worried about 100 million things

[FeelTheBurn]

That's so cool! What a nice treat for your birthday.

I can't imagine doing that with my T at this point, we're still so immersed in the deep therapeutic stuff. But maybe down the road, as it evolves...?

Naw, she'd never do it. Boundaries too tight. But it's nice to think about.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by Freewilled

Wow - I'm glad it went so well I'm not sure i could do that though as the thought of it makes me anxious...has that kind of thing ever happened with him before? I've only ever met my T in the same office week after week lol

No, I have not met him at a restaurant before. One time we took a walk outside in the area of his office. And a few years ago, we had to attend several meetings in various office buildings because I had hired him to help me in a different professional role. So I've seen him outside his office a few times, but not recently, and not over a meal.

Originally Posted by Tangerine87

Thats cool, i'm glad you liked that. That would have given me terrible anxiety had my therapist asked me to do that though....i would have been worried about 100 million things

I did have a little anxiety over what to order for lunch--I didn't want to order anything that would make me seem gluttonous, and I didn't want to order something messy that I had to eat with my hands. Then I got fed up with my worry and said to myself, screw it, I will order whatever I normally would if T were not here. So I did, and it was fine.

[rainbow8]

That's so nice, sunrise. I'm glad it worked for you. For a lot of others, including me, it would be a BIG DEAL and maybe triggering, but I can also imagine it being okay with my T too.



HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

[Wren_]

that sounds really nice sunrise I'm glad it worked out well with the lunch

Glad you had nice lunch with your t and happy birthday. I would read too much into it and have to decline.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

That's so nice, sunrise. I'm glad it worked for you. For a lot of others, including me, it would be a BIG DEAL and maybe triggering, but I can also imagine it being okay with my T too.

It was indeed a big deal for me, but in a positive way. I'm glad my T was able to find a solution to the problem, because otherwise we would have missed our session; since I only see him every 1-2 months, this would not have been good! I would not have thought of this idea to salvage things, so I am glad he could think outside of the box and come up with this (and so swiftly too). I also know that had I been in a more fragile emotional condition, such as doing active grief or trauma work, this solution would not have been a good one as I would have needed that private time with him in his office, where I could feel safe crying, etc. (Thanks for the birthday wishes.)

Originally Posted by Bipolarartist

I would read too much into it and have to decline.

I tend to suffer from under-reading of situations rather than reading too much into things, so I guess that flaw in me helped in this case. The truth is, I almost did decline, but for a different reason. I had the "no thanks" text entered on my phone but reconsidered and did not send. I am glad I changed my mind.

It feels good that it all worked out.

[ECHOES]

Nice!

I would have struggled a bit with what to order as well and I love that you felt comfortable with yourself and could just say screw it, I'm eating what I want to eat.

Did it feel like therapy? Or lunch? Or??? I am having a hard time imagining what it would be like.

Happy Birthday!

[PeeJay]

I wish this would happen to me! Thank you for sharing!

[tinyrabbit]

Glad it went well and you had a nice birthday - happy birthday!!!

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

Did it feel like therapy? Or lunch?

It felt like both, and neither!

Like, some of our conversation was driven by things in the restaurant--such as memories or stories prompted by getting certain food or drink. This would not have happened in his office. And right at the outset of the lunch (to relieve my own uncertainty/anxiety), I asked him if I should pay him for the time together--would we be doing therapy over lunch? And he said no. So that made things a little freer, I think. It felt OK to just have regular topics come up and not be focused on getting help. He also said he loved how direct I was in asking him that, but it was really just to make myself more comfortable! Another difference was that he brought up more things, whereas in therapy, it is I who must take the lead on bringing up topics. So that was a nice change--a little more relaxing. I could be led instead of always having to do the leading. He did bring up a couple of topics that were definitely therapy material but I don't think he would have raised these if we had been in his office. So I really liked that! Because obviously these things had been on his mind, and now it was OK to air them. So at times it felt like lunch, and at times, T leaned in and stared at me expectantly and empathically, as he does in therapy, and then it felt just like home. But also kind of weird, because it really stood out to me that he was doing "his T thing" and in a way, I wish I had laughed and commented on it. It also stood out to me how honest I can be with him, as I sat there saying honest things that one normally wouldn't say with a friend in a restaurant--at least my friends. And he was the same. In the real world environment of the restaurant, our honesty sparkled. I think sometimes I take for granted things like that in therapy, because, well, it's therapy! But out in the cold light of the real world, these things stand out. That made me want more honesty and openness in my friendships.

Lastly, T was "too big" for his space. We were sitting directly opposite each other in a booth, and his legs and feet kept straying way past the middle line and into my space and bumping into my knees and feet. You know how some people are just too big for their space? Well, that is him. He is a pretty big man and kept knocking into me. LOL. I would withdraw when his foot would accidentally bump me... He never apologized or said excuse me. Kind of weird!!! I am sure you all know people like this. Well, because of this lunch experience, I learned that T is one of "those people."

Ha ha, ECHOES, I'm so glad you asked this question. Because I think I learned some really cool stuff from this experience.

[unaluna]

I love the desciption of your honesty there. Exactly.