[likelife]

I've been seeing my T for almost six months past the point when my ex-T terminated me. My therapy with her is so different from what I experienced with my ex-T, and I'm often confounded as to why that is. How she does therapy is different, and how I respond is hugely different.

I've seen probably almost a dozen Ts over the past 15 years, and have felt such a strong maternal transference pull toward all of them. With my ex-T, that reaction was off the charts. I felt like I needed constant reassurance from her that she was ok with me, that she wasn't going to leave me, that she didn't think I was a needy, pathetic excuse for a human being. Cue self-fulfilling prophecy.

What I don't understand is why I don't experience any of that with my current T. I've never felt compelled to google her, or to have our relationship be any more than a client-T relationship. I neither contact her outside of session, nor feel the need to, whereas I was constantly wanting to or actually emailing my ex-T.

Have any of you had really vastly different experiences with different Ts? To what did you attribute the difference - something in the T or something in yourself? Or both? I really want to be able to wrap my head around this better to understand why I got so derailed with my ex-T.

[unlockingsanity]

Originally Posted by likelife

Have any of you had really vastly different experiences with different Ts? To what did you attribute the difference - something in the T or something in yourself? Or both? I really want to be able to wrap my head around this better to understand why I got so derailed with my ex-T.

The difference for me was someone who said they understood vs. someone who actually understood. Someone who said they were there for me vs. someone who actually is there for me.

I didn't realize the first T was just "playing" me in a sense that he didn't really understand me and wasn't really there for me. I didn't know he wasn't good for me until he left and I started with someone new.

There was such a shocking difference between these T's that I had a hard time figuring out what was so different about my new T. I kept saying, "You're different than anyone I know, but I'm not sure what it actually is about."

[stopdog]

I have two very different experiences with the two psychodynamic ones I see now. The first is quite stormy and the woman does not listen or remember or pay attention or guess right ever, I take breaks every month or two, and yet the idea of not going makes me sad. The second one listens, is what I guess people mean by attuned and generally gets what I am saying or stays with it until some resolution is reached, remembers what is said from week to week, I don't take breaks or say I am quitting and it is not stormy,and yet the idea of not seeing the second one does not make me nearly as sad in theory.

[Petra5ed]

Yes, very different. The first T was a woman in her 50's. I fully trusted her almost immediately, I could read that she was my definition of a "good person." I felt like a naughty child discussing sex with her, so avoided that quite a bit despite it being one of my biggest issues. I also think I didn't trust her opinion on sex, because I saw her as being a prude, for no good reason other than transference I guess, ha! All I did was cry all session, literally every session, and I hated it, and me. I actually felt like my life was crumbling around me, and maybe it was coincidentally while I was seeing her.

Second T is a man in his 50's. I was immediately drawn to him intellectually, and his personality. I felt like I knew him on some weird level, and I wanted to know him, he's interesting. I have never cried with him. I fantasize about him, and want to discuss sex but sometimes worry I'm being seductive. Our sessions are positive feeling and I leave happy I suppose. On the downside, I feel obsessed and anxious.

[jacq10]

It sounds to me like you have a healthy relationship with your current T It's likely a combination of things, but it's probably a mixture of your T having good firm boundaries with you, and you learning from experiences about your vulnerabilities. It's a good thing!

[Freewilled]

So does that mean a good T will not elicit those needy feelings? If working with a certain T seems to cause feelings of insecure attachment, does that mean its not the right T? Are these feelings unresolvable so one should just move on?

[feralkittymom]

I haven't had this experience. But I wonder if it isn't a matter of right or wrong, good or bad T, but rather more an issue of what needs to be resolved within the client. If the T elicits that unresolved need/issue, then it is brought forth from the client, and ideally, is resolved. But if it isn't resolved for whatever reason, then the therapy is not successful. I don't think this is necessarily reflected by the subjective feeling of the therapy (good therapy can feel very painful, and bad therapy can feel very pleasant). And different Ts bring forth different needs/issues/aspects of personality. There's also the possibility that clients project certain needs/issues onto Ts, and what happens depends upon how the Ts respond. Though in those cases, it's more likely that the projection remains constant despite different Ts.