[rainbow8]

I went to a new female dermatologist for a complete skin check. She said that she would check me from head to toe. I had to take off everything, even my ring and watch. I used to get embarrassed at drs. but I actually wasn't, and she was quick. No big deal.

Later at home, I felt weird about it. Triggery, unwanted feelings. This ties in with my last session, talking about feelings for my T, and also some homework she gave me. The homework was a long questionaire about early childhood experiences with my Mom and Dad, like: what was your happiest memory with your Mom? With your Dad? Your worst memory? Was it easy or hard for you to make friends? What were your favorite books? How did you identify with the main characters? Describe yourself as a child. Many questions like that.

I realized that my good and bad feelings with my parents were all about my body in some way. Nothing traumatic or new that my T doesn't know, but weird.

I emailed her some of the above because I want to talk about it in my session. I think I have very distorted views about body stuff. It will be hard to talk about. I seem to want to get to everything before I have to quit!

It is very scary to post the above. I'm afraid of talking to T about it but I have to.

[purplemystery]

It can be terribly scary to talk to a T about things related to the body... I never have, technically. But I have had a similar experience at the drs. and I've considered telling my T. I think you're very brave to e-mail her about it! Good for you for trying to get everything out before the end.

Yes, well done, rainbow. I think physical stuff is very hard to talk about. I could never do it with a female T or GP, personally (but I know that's very different for different people). I'm glad your dermatologist visit went well - it makes sense that it might make things rise to the surface, but it must have been better not to have them come up while you were actually there.

[Favorite Jeans]

I had a similar experience a few months ago rainbow.

I usually love getting massages and for my last bday I went to this spa that offers this "body polish" treatment that people rave about. The woman there was nice and respectful and as far as I could tell didn't touch me any differently from any other massage therapist. Maybe a bit more focus on my arms and legs. But I went into full on dissociated trauma mode. I didn't so much feel fear as shame. Really intense horrible almost nauseating shame. I still don't know why it happened and really can't pinpoint anything specifically bad about the place or the person involved.

You're not alone. I hope you feel better soon. Take the childhood exercises slowly if they're triggering you.