I am starting to do this, and it usually doesn't end well when I compare myself to others.

Tonight i am lying in bed in my tracksuit pants and socks, and thinking what T would wear to bed. After I decide to go to sleep I will probably pull my socks off and just toss them on the floor, and now I am thinking about how T would probably never do that because she is too classy.

Do you compare yourself to T?

[unaluna]

Yes, definitely. This is how I know we will never get married, because he only sleeps 4 hours a night, and I'm barely awake 4 hours a day! But I do see him as a role model, even at my late age - my parents really were not very good ones for me.

[tealBumblebee]

Lol, I have had similar thoughts but none that I entertain or take personally. I don't think you should either as it would probably only make you feel bad - not to mention our T's are human and probably have bad habits as well.

[Leah123]

I'd like to say, in comparison to my T, I'm the awesome one- she is a T for a job... I'm the one doing the heavy lifting on self-improvement. Yea us!

I agree w/tealBumblebee, Ts are not so idol-worthy as they seem in office: they have foibles and bad habits like anyone, just don't show them off so much during the therapy hour as we do.

[SkinnySoul]

I throw my socks or stockings on the floor before napping too. And I'm a female.

I don't compare myself to T, we're the opposite sex so I never felt the need to see him as a role model.

I do however wonder about his everyday life, you know, the little things. What coffee he likes, what music he enjoys, his sex life... Okay, I admit. That last part is due to my transference. The rest is just an attempt to see him as a human being and not some shrink textbook.

[stopdog]

No. I don't usually compare myself to other people (my mother did enough of that for me and it never helped that I could see when she did it).
Plus I generally think (and the ones I know in real life have borne this out), that most therapists are not leading charmed, amazing lives. I think the one I see is probably a giant ***** in real life and probably bat **** crazy to boot.

[tealBumblebee]

If it helps, if i'm wearing socks in the first place, I throw them off too! (female)

[tealBumblebee]

Originally Posted by stopdog

No. I don't usually compare myself to other people (my mother did enough of that for me and it never helped that I could see when she did it).
Plus I generally think (and the ones I know in real life have borne this out), that most therapists are not leading charmed, amazing lives. I think the one I see is probably a giant ***** in real life and probably bat **** crazy to boot.

From what I hear, i'm pretty sure my T is leading a charmed life haha, but I think her past was enough.

[stopdog]

The one I see has broken several bones in the past three years, has a son who rarely talks to her, a daughter in law she dislikes, and (what I find most distressing) has never read Shakespeare.
Plus I suppose we might all have different ideas of what constitutes charmed. I don't really think anyone has a charmed life - just trials and tribulations I don't know about.

[tinyrabbit]

This is part of why I wanted my T to be a different gender and age group.

[crazycat000]

I do this ALL the time!!! I think about what she is doing right now? She is my neighbor so when I see that her car is not there or if it is I always wonder where she is! I hope to see her on the street. In distressing times I think of what she would do in the situation. I have told her that I do this and that I obsessively think about her and idolize her and she said in some ways its a good thing to think about what she would tell me to do in situations because its me rationalizing myself in distressing moments. You are totally not alone on this!

Originally Posted by crazycat000

I do this ALL the time!!! I think about what she is doing right now? She is my neighbor

Are you a wealthy person? I assume Ts are wealthy and live wealthy lifestyles, going to the opera, fine dining, etc.

[tealBumblebee]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

Are you a wealthy person? I assume Ts are wealthy and live wealthy lifestyles, going to the opera, fine dining, etc.

Lol that's funny. I don't see that being the case, especially for many T's that do sliding scales or are interns, etc.

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

Are you a wealthy person? I assume Ts are wealthy and live wealthy lifestyles, going to the opera, fine dining, etc.

Not most. Most make about the same salary as most middle class professionals by the time insurance takes their part of their fees, they pay for overhead like rent of premises, perhaps staff, insurance, etc.

[choocha]

Only in the fact that we are similar ages and he is successful in his job and is in a happy long-term relationship. These are both things that I have done and continue to fail in. I think I'm smarter than my T. Is that bad?