Bipolar depression sucks!

Have you talked with your pdoc yet Chris? Praying for you.

Talked to him a bit ago. He really would like me inpatient because he's on duty this weekend. Just not something I'm ready to do at this point. He increased my AD and told me to hold the lithium a dose or two until my stomach settles down. He wants me to come in next week and stay in touch with my therapist once he gets back in town. He assured me this will pass as it always does, but it would pass faster in the hospital where he could move things along faster for me and I could get some complete rest. I know that, but not willing to go at this moment. So far I'm hanging in there.

Sending all my positive vibes your way - you are such an inspiration to so many people and I'm sure all of us want to help you get through this in any way we can!

Thanks for checking back in with us. We're all here for you in any way you need us. Sounds like you have a wonderful pdoc. Please do what's best for you. I hope that your husband is helping to watch out for things with you too (if that is helpful for you at this time).

Chris,
Your always really honest with me. Please, Please go this weekend. You trust your Pdoc and therapist and you trust their opinion. Your pdoc is your overseeing dr. Your off for the next two days, you say your being proactive but are not listening to their opinion. I know when you go you tend to be there a long time but that may not be the case if you go there early. You want to be there for your kids, and the sooner you get the level of care you need the faster you'll be back. You don't want to look back and wish you had headed it off sooner.

We're here for you I'll be checking here for you.


MM

How is today going, Chris?

Please check in with us when you can. Thinking about you and sending good thoughts your way. if you'll accept them too.

Sorry I wasn't on much yesterday. I had a good distraction that certainly helped me get through the day. My son's band was competing in the Bands Of America Grand Nationals marching contest in Indianapolis and we were watching on a live streaming feed. They placed 5th by the way (out of 91 bands) and won the spirit award for exemplifying the qualities of support, spirit, teamwork, character, etc. of marching bands (which was worth the world to them). Their band director places responsibility, quality of character, manners, etc. even higher in importance that winning, and the result has been a world quality, fine music organization. They are on their way back to Texas after 4 grueling days of bus riding, rehearsals, and 3 competition performances. So proud of them all. These are great kids. Anyone who doubts the quality of todays' teenagers needs to hang out with these kids.

I'm tired today. Pdoc called me yesterday to check on me and he's having me move my pills around a bit to see if we can get the stomach upset to improve. I suspect I'm going to be on a low today without the distraction to help. Need to grade some papers, but they'll only distract me about 45 minutes I suspect (not much to grade left). We'll see how it goes.

Chris, thanks for the update. As a former band member its exciting to here about your sons band...

I hope you can find some other things to distract yourself...maybe find some of your favorite music and sing.... Keep checking in through out the day if it helps..

Pdoc's new med schedule seems to have helped the stomach issue. He's a miracle worker, I swear. Slept a lot today. Should eat something but I'm really not hungry. It will be a late night as my son's band buses won't show until about midnight.

I hope today goes okay. You are on the right track to feel better. I do so admire how well you know yourself and your ability and willingness to act on that knowledge.

Take care, do what you need to do, we are here.

Son's band didn't get in until 2AM. VERY short night. I'm letting him stay home today. After 18 hours on a bus and less than 4 hours of sleep, there is just no way he'd be worth spit at school today. Usually they tell them they don't have to be at school until 2nd period, but they didn't even do that. He's just going to be "sick" today.

This means I'm working on little sleep myself, and I have chorus tonight so it is going to be a long day. Yuck.

Congrats to your son & his group on their accomplishment
I teach band, so I know how hard it is to keep the level of enthusiasm up at this point in the year when everyone is tired of the show & contests plus you've got All Region, etc.
18 hours on a bus deserves it's own award and certainly a day of rest and recovery!

As a fellow musician and bipolar dx, I was wondering if you find that music sometimes has an effect on your mood or if you can predict fluctuations in your cycle based on your musical choices. I'm not talking about playing a cheery song to perk you up. I've noticed that listening to some things when I'm hypomanic can get me way too energized. Or, I will play the same song or few measures of a song hundreds of times when I would not ordinarily do so.

I have also noticed I tend to listen to music less and less as I get more depressed. Then, as I begin to listen more as I'm feeling better, I realize how very much I missed it during the dark days. Of course, I expect to struggle with practicing/playing when I'm depressed because it's so hard to summon the energy to do anything at all. I was surprised about the listening, though, since it's much more passive. Now, I make playlists specifically for those depressed times so I don't have that hole without even realizing it.

Sorry this got so long.

Best wishes to you for getting through your day. Hope your rehearsal tonight is an energy booster rather than a drain.

Hi Chris I was thinking about you and wondering how you survived your day with such little sleep. Hope it went by quickly and you were able to sleep.

It's been a hard day. I was pretty drained. About 3:00 my oldest son called me during class. He NEVER calls; he usually texts. He got laid off from his job that he really loved. It is a major insurance company that just got hit really hard from the typhoon, and they are letting the less experienced employees go. It just broke my heart. He thought he was finally set and able to stress less about money and security, and the rug just got pulled out from under him. As soon as I walked out of the building I started crying. No matter how old they are, they are still your babies.

I called in an absence for chorus rehearsal tonight. I've never missed a rehearsal, but I felt it was important to have some family time with him. He's already filling out applications and moving forward. I have strong kids with really positive attitudes. Not sure how I managed that, but I know I've done a really good job with them.

I need to head to bed, but I'm sitting here thinking it takes too much energy to walk back to the bedroom.

Chris, glad to hear about your one son, sad to hear your other son lost his job. Does sound like you raised some great kids, but I am not surprised at all. I bet you are a wonderful mother, your kind and gentle and that comes across your posts here loud and clear.

I am sorry to hear you are struggling. Just keep holding on. Lithium and the ad can take a little while. Hopefully the lithium helps a little with the depression too. Be gentle on yourself, depression is hard enough, with med change even harder. You are strong and can get through this one as well. Try to remember to use some skills you have to cope. Try to stay in this moment without worry for the next. And glad your doc figured out how to get relief from the nausea. I remember that effect very much.

Sounds like it has been a very long day and a long week. I hope you get some good sleep tonight. You really deserve that.

I bet you children feel very lucky to have such a wonderful mom, and they are. Just make sure she gets some rest and care too.

Will be thinking about you and hoping this depression dissipates quickly.

Chris, how are you feeling now? Thinking of you and hoping you are out of this depression quickly.

Not good today. Spoke to my T for a little while, but I can't say it particularly helped anything. Crappy day at work on top of feeling crappy in the first place. Oh well.

Hi Chris, I just read your thread and, wow, you sure have had a lot going on. Sorry to hear you're not doing well today. I hope you can catch up on your rest. For me, that always makes a big difference in my mood.

(((Chris)))

Still thinking of you and praying for you.
I hope today is better than yesterday.

Thinking of you. Hang in there. x

I've been around, just not really up to posting much. I'm off for the next week for Thanksgiving which is a relief. I have a lot of cleaning and preparation to do as the whole family is coming here for Thanksgiving -- all 17 of us. We don't get the chance to all get together very often as we are spread across Texas and one in Minnesota. Looking forward to family time, but it will be stressful too (good stress though).

Depression is still at a pretty high level, but maybe the holiday events will keep me distracted.